[tallvine]

I know that I have to slowly let go as she gets older & goes through this growing period but it's breaking my heart. She's always been an intense kid - very pretty and very popular with alot of friends but worries way too much about her "place""with her friends & status in school. good student & athlete . Lately it seems as if she's completely embarassed of her dad & me. she NEVER brings friends home any more - is always at her friends houses on w-ends. When I say - hey we haven't seen you in 2 days & we miss you & would like you home for a while, she'll sulk & go in her room with the door closed. she use to be the sleepover queen and have 3-4 girls sleeping over on w-ends and we never had problems with this - we loved it - the more the merrier. she's our only daughter & I always envisioned a house full of friends as she got older. We've always been close with her friends ( they call us by our first names) we've even taken her friends on vacations with us ! now - she's still friends with the same group but she won't have anyone over to the house. I've asked her about this & she says it's because "dad" is embarassing - his only fault is that he's put on quite a bit of weight. it hurts that she's become that shallow. she's going to a formal dance Fri night & won't bring the group to our house for pictures but I hear her on the phone making the arrangements to go to all the other parents home for photos. Again I ask her to stop at home for a couple of quick photos & she told me no way. has anyone been through this ( hopefully it came to a more positive conclusion) and does anyone have suggestions for me as right now I feel as if I've lost my daughter & I'm very sad.

[berber294]

Wow... um... are you certain it's JUST because her father put on weight?
Personally I think you should talk to her and ask her why she's so embarassed. It could be something you're not thinking of.

[godteachesme]

I have worked with YW for over 20 years and I can tell you if your daughter does not want to be at home with you...she is doing things she should not be doing... She is not an adult yet...she needs you to set boundaries... I have it time and time againn ..too much freedom is given and these girls wind up in gangs, on drugs or pregnant.... set limits. She needs to be spending time with her family. If she kicks and screams...she is acting like a two year old again. Boundaries... your daughter needs heart to heart communciation and boundaries. cut off all activities of computer, cell phone, friends...until she changes her attitude...you are going to lose her.

[Labhaoise]

godteachesme- I think you are being a bit drastic there. At the same age, I often spent more time at friends houses (one in particular) than they did at my house and I am not, nor have I ever been in a gang, never been pregnant, and never ever taken illicit drugs. The reason I went to my friends houses more often than mine was that they had 'cooler' stuff- playstations etc, access to pools, pay tv etc. We had none of this at my house and I enjoyed going over to my friends houses because of this and because of the friends too.
Sure I watched things there I wasnt allowed to at my house- movies, tv shows etc. However I turned out ok (if I do say so myself.)

Tallvine, I agree with berber, you need to ask her why it is that she's embarrassed. Ask her whats so great about her friends houses. Maybe it's just "cooler" there (that was not a dig at you, just a possibility that I've come accross personally)

In regards to the formal thing- don't ask her to have photos at your house. Tell her that she will be having photos at your house too. Whether or not her friends come too, she is your daughter and if you want her to do this, she will do this, otherwise its no photos anywhere- or no formal. I|realistically, how long are you going to be taking photos for? At the most 20mins. Give her a time frame for the pictures too. Once she's ready, you will have photos for x amount of time and then go on to the next house.

Good luck with everything!

[shawspear]

I think the best you can hope for is to raise a healthy daughter and that's it. Everything else is minor. If she's embarrassed about bringing friends over, then so be it. What she needs to do is grow up strong, wise, and sharp about the world around her. If she doesn't want sleep-overs anymore, so be it. What's more important is that she understands the consequences of sex and if not avoid sex, at least avoid getting pregnant. If she's spending less time with you, so be it. More importantly, she needs to learn to recognize unrealistic and dysmorphic beliefs about her self-image. If she won't stop after the dance, so be it. Ideally, she'll cultivate a strong will and resist the temptation to try drugs and alcohol and not be influenced by others. All we want (I think) is to get her through adolescence relatively unharmed and suitability prepared for adulthood.

[letschildproofdotcom]

I think it is normal for a teenager to act like that, but if you want to make her hang out with you guys more, try this:

Do things that show your you still know how have fun. With a boy, video games would be the easy solution, but with a girl, you might have to dig deeper to find out what she likes.

Before my mom passed away, when I was a teenager I used to love roller skating. My mom was better then me and that gave me something to look up to.

So, try taking up a skill that she has and make sure you are really good at it. Teenagers love competition.