[julia1234]

My son will turn five in just a few days. He has been developing a reputation of being mean to other children. I have a theory that it may be stemming from feelings of shyness. He cannot say hello or speak with anyone, even those he knows well, for the first few minutes of seeing them. It will soon go from that extreem to him finally starting to play to 'accidently' hitting the other child with what ever toys may being played with. If for some reason the other children make it known that they don't want to play with him, look out--- we have full scale verbal assalt from my son. Now that he has been doing this for awhile, some children run away from him as soon as he arrives. It breaks my heart because up until we are with other people, he is the SWEETEST little boy, all excited to play, speakly kindly of the other children. If fact he BEGS to play with other children as soon as I pick him up from pre school. It's almost as if he just isn't comprehending his effect on others and is COMPLETELY unable to discern the feelings of others. I'm at a loss. Any suggestions? Thank you.

[Tracey with 6]

how is he at communicating his feelings? it sounds like he is trying really hard but going over board, what does his teacher say? you could find out how he is at school , also try teaching him appropriate responses, like power wprds and so on to use when he feels angry to avoid physical retribution. soem kids have social issues and take a bit longer to learn how to socailise. good uck

[julia1234]

I think you may be onto something with him trying to hard. He is fine with telling me or others that when he is angry or to stop doing something. I just had a meeting today with his teacher and she & I are in complete agreement with the shyness leading to anxiety thing. Did you mean try power words? What is that? Something in place of physical responses would be great. It is as if instead of relaxing and saying hello and inviting the other child to play, he just bops em in some way instead. Thanks

[Tracey with 6]

My 4 year old has power words, she is very shy and the other children 'runóver here very quiet personality, so she has her words, like 'No' and "stop i don't like it'and "that doesn't make me feel good" I know when I hear that to listen she is telling me something I need to hear and to see what is going on, and she feels they give her the power or self confidencet o play witht he big kids, whcih she other wise finds very daunting( she has 5 older siblings) hope that helps feel free to PM me if you want to chat.

[DK615617]

Good luck to you!!! I have no advice, my almost 20 month old seems like she is going to be kinda shy. She has started smacking me on the leg when we are out and someone she doesn't know talks to her, it seems like if she gets embarassed or intimidated she hauls off and hits my leg. She got her daddy's head the other day cuz he was holding her.......... we don't mind at this point, but I am afraid that we might be heading down the same path as you and your son.
Good luck to you!!!!!