[mrmnmom82]

Why do people tell newly weds/engaged couples they have a 50/50 chance of making it? I know marriage is hard work, I've been married 5 yrs. But I see hollywood couples and even people I know have been married more than 3 times!!!!! So I figure if they have done the math and 50% of marriages fail, Pamala Anderson has been married 3 times, so there are 2 more marriages out there that won't become a statistic! Right? Who's with me! Odds are in favor of the couple willing to put in the work!

[mcmama]

My son is getting married soon. He and his bride are 23 years old. Yeah, they're young, but they have been together thoughout college and they are beautiful together. And I really don't see what Pamala Anderson's marriage has to do with theirs.

[mrmnmom82]

I think you miss understood the comment. I don't believe that 50% of marriages will faill because those statistics include people who get married many many times. I think that those numbers can scare some new couples, when really, if they put in the effort, they have a wonderful likelyhood of staying married thieir long wonderful lives.

I came across a few people who would say, "Good luck! You've got a 50/50 chance." I think they are wrong!! That number is swayed by my sister who's been married 3 times and other people who have been married 7 times. Many more marriages are working out. More than 50 %!!

I hope that clarified my original post. I didn't mean to tick anyone off. Just trying to put a positive perspective on what I believe to be an incorrect statistic.

And I got married when I was 20, who said too young?

[LovingJesusinAZ]

Chance implies luck and luck has nothing to do with it! The success of a marriage is contingent on two people who are committed to each other, their marriage, and in my belief, to God.

You're right--marriage is hard work and if both spouses aren't willing to work at it, unfortunately the results are not good.

[marylr]

Yes, it's hard work but isn't anything that is worth having? My DH and I were both 19 when we married (while I was still in nursing school) and now it is 35 1/2 yrs later and we are still very much in love (with a ds and a dd and 4 beautiful grandkids) We had both are kids by the time we were 23. Was it easy? No.Worth the hard times? Definitely!

[mcmama]

Are people actually saying "good luck you've got a 50-50 chance"? Because i'm divorced, my future DIL's parents are divorced, she has some divorced cousins, etc. And nobody has said that. Just good luck kids, gee you're young.

I thought that someone who has been married several times would be advising everyone to get a pre-nup instead of advising them on their odds!!!!

Seriously, the kids have learned from watching our divorces, and from watching successful marriages of friends and family. They also were aware that they needed preparation and are doing pre marital counseling. (I told them to get financial counseling, but they have this goofy idea that they don't have any money so they don't need financial advice!!!! Oh, they are young, yes!!!)

Successful marriage takes work, but it also takes preparation.

[mcmama]

As to the statistics - the statement that I have heard is 50% of all marriages end in divorce. That includes multiple marriages from serial monogamists. It's not 50% of all people who get married. And don't forget, there are people who get married once, divorce, and then remarry and it works out - and people like me who were married for a long time, divorce, and will NEVER remarry.

I don't think it's appropriate for people to say this to a couple getting married, especially a young couple for the first and hopefully only time. More appropriate to advise them to get premarital counseling, plan out their finances and family planning, and decide what to do when someone's mother comes to visit for two weeks and stays for three months!!!!

[J920]

I am just going to ask, what does DD and DS mean?
i have been on this site for about 2 years, and havent been able to figure it out and I know its probably totally obvious.
Anyway back to the thread. I agree with the original poster that people tend to say "you have a 50/50 chance" negatively, almost leaning to 50% failure rather than success. But depending on the couple, it should just be a sobering reality that love isnt enough. Now before someone says what do you mean love isnt enough? What i mean is the love that gets people married is often a baby compared to the mature, tried and tested, battle scarred but still winning kind of love in marriages over 15 years. The relevancy of Pam Anderson to the average person's marriage. Is that it is not only celebrities who make committments with an escape hatch of divorce in back of their minds. For a woman who has had unsuccessful marriages they could see that as empowering. If things arent working, just move on, there is always the next one, is the mentality.
Unless you are someone very close the couple and saying it out of love, people shouldnt be throwing out the you have a "50/50" shot, its just rude.

[ljb]

Originally Posted by J920

I am just going to ask, what does DD and DS mean?

Darling/Dear Daughter & Darling/Dear Son.

[J920]

Guess what? Within minutes of my post, I got it.
And yes, I feel silly, as I knew I would.
.