[zwielight]

This is another "I didn't get wedding gifts from my guests!" thread.

I am the bride, but please try to hear from my POV... We were married May 10.

My husband and I envisioned a lavish dinner and outdoor ceremony for our closest family members to celebrate our wedding. An eight-course chef's tasting menu perhaps...

But the sheer number of people in his family (he has three siblings and they each have "significants" -- another thought for later) forced me to up my side of the list to include a few cousins and aunts. Then his family required that the siblings of the parents be invited as well. You get the picture.

With over 40 people on the potential guest list, we had to scale down our dream wedding to a modest three-course dinner. It was lovely and everyone enjoyed themselves.

On my side of the family, only the aunts and uncles were invited. At the last minute, the adult children were also included (as final numbers indicated there would be less on my side present... we wanted to keep the "sides" equal)

And we really didn't receive any gifts... we are a conservative Christian couple who did not live together before, so we were truly using the registries as an opportunity to build our households.

Invitations were sent directly to the adult children of my uncles and aunts as well as to the uncles and aunts. The children just assumed their parents would take care of it, I guess.

Who we did not receive gifts from:

--My mother's brother. Very close with them. He has two adult daughters who are almost like sisters to me. 4 people attended from this family.

--My father's sister. Close relationship. Two adult children. 3 people attended from this family.

--My husband's brother!! He insisted upon bringing his girlfriend with whom he is cohabiting and has no intention of marrying. I wanted to stipulate that only spouses or engaged significants were invited, but my husband refused, as this affected both one of his brothers and sisters who are shacking up.

--My husband's uncle. None of them came, but I think it would have been a kind gesture to at least send a card to welcome me to their family.



Thanks for making it this far with me.



I am sincerely hurt by my family members. It is less about the "stuff" than about the rudeness for not congratulating us or wishing us well. We did not receive cards from anyone who did not give a gift. It was a big day for us, and we chose to share it with a very select few people, who in return, did not make us feel special or give us the impression that they felt honored to share our special day with us.

Now, I have no desire, for example, to buy my husband's brother a Christmas present. When I am someday invited to my adult cousins' weddings, I have no desire to give them a gift.

I am deeply hurt, saddened, and disappointed.


Your thoughts are greatly appreciated.

[mcmama]

Weddings are kind of funny with what is expected and not expected. And people do weird things, like bring along adult children who were not specifically invited, or play games about "you didn't give me a present so I'm not giving you one". Stuff like that.

Cards are often associated with money. In some families, the "money tree" is hanging right there at the reception, closely guarded by a member of the family or bridal party.

You know what? Buy the idiots the presents for their occasions. Just don't stretch yourself.

[skidoo_grl]

For our wedding, NO one from my husbands fathers side showed up.. Nobody. Heck, a week before the wedding we weren't even sure if his mother was going to show up. We got Nothing from his parents for our wedding. Okay I take that back, we got a LOAN for our dj, and on our way to our honeymoon his mother called to see if we had the money for her to pay her back. His mother was also going to make our cupcakes(we didn't have a cake), and she backed out 3 months before our wedding leaving my father to pay for the cupcakes, which doens't sound like a big deal, but he was paying for EVERYTHING else. His parents paid for Nothing besides the grooms tux and the groom mens tuxes(they were his brothers).
Be the bigger person and buy them a gift, or send them a card. I know its hard, but it makes you (us..) sound better. Good luck with everything!!!

[Tracey with 6]

unfortunatley you can't make people give gifts, when we got married alot of people came and din't give gifts, to be quite frank it's become a joke with us, my brother( rolling in money) gave us a set of glasses from a discount store and left the price sticker on. really is this what you want to remember your wedding by? move on, love your husband and get over the bad feelings, believe me the people who did this don't care and your only upsetting yourself.

[Labhaoise]

yeah I agree with the previous posters. I can imagine how much you are hurting from this... but remember, its just stuff that you might not of even have liked the gifts you received.

But anyway, just focus on your new husband and forget about those familiy memebers "it does not do, to dwell on the past".

Oh and congratulations on you marriage too.

[QueenAngie]

Congrats on your wedding and a happy marriage to your DH.

You've been married for 4 months. You have a lifetime ahead of you.

Certainly, your dream wedding was changed to accomodate so many extra guests......and they did not even bring a gift. Of if they did, maybe it was removed/stolen. Who really knows.

Maybe the relatives are wondering why you haven't yet sent them a thank you note for their gift of money...... that was stolen.

You could always send them a lovely thank you note that you and DH appreciated they were able to share in your joyful wedding day.

Seems like you have your entire life to look forward to.
Focus on the happy and joyful event that your wedding day was.
Forget about the negative and the lack of gifts.

The cup of life is either half empty or half full.


Wishing you the best in life!