[happimommaof2]

Hello I am new here I have 2 children a 6 year old girl and a 4 year old boy! My question is about my daughter, she has been in school since August she is in kindergarten and she seems to not be making friends, she is a very shy child and 9 times out of 10 you have to come to her she will not go to you! But it is really bothering me because I want her out there making friends and instead she comes home and tells me how no one plays with her and all she does is swing by herself at recess, I have been up there when she was at recess and that is exactly what she does, she was playing with a little boy but then yesterday he told her that she did not color pretty so she wont talk to him anymore. I am at my wits end I do have her in counseling because of a few problems I have had with her, but I dont know what to do, I am trying to think of ways to make her kind of stand out because she is so shy and withdrawn. If anyone has any suggestions please I need all the help I can get..
Thank you God Bless
Amanda

[markbarnes19]

Amanda, this is something you definitely want to deal with, but I wouldn't be too concerned at this time. Your daughter has plenty of time to develop her social skills. In fact, her teacher should help with this. Be sure to discuss the situation with her teacher and seek her opinion. She should employ some strategies to help make your daughter better at mixing with others.

[cocotbo]

Originally Posted by markbarnes19

Be sure to discuss the situation with her teacher and seek her opinion. She should employ some strategies to help make your daughter better at mixing with others.

Exactly what I was going to suggest. Talk to the teacher and se what's actually going on during her school time and ask the teacher for suggestions on how you both can help her come out of her shell.

[mcmama]

You know, she is probably pretty sensitive, and taking her time with her own feelings. Talking to the teacher helps. My son is shy, and has always needed a lot of time to feel comfortable with any group - he looks on a lot first. Now that he is a teen, he is developing more leadership.
He had a male kindergarten teacher who helped him out of his shell. This was a full day program, and this guy was very energetic, and very encouraging. He had no problem getting the kids out to the field and getting them to have fun playing active games, not for competition, but for fun. Very physical, very happy, all different abilities, and a lot of fun. My son actually started smiling in photographs, because on school picture day the teacher saw him with his usual frown and said "Oh, come on little man, you can do better than that!" And he got the kid to smile! I think having a very lively African American male kindergarten teacher who just would not let you go without hi fives was just the greatest thing for this shy little white kid who was real stuck inside himself.
Sometimes it just takes time, and feeling safe, and being comfortable in the group before you actually make friends.

[happimommaof2]

Thank You I will talk to her teacher again. At first she was letting her spend all 3 of the recess in the library. But I told her that she can spend 1 recess in the library but the other two she needs to be on the playground. We have a parent teacher confrence coming up so I will discuss it with her more than
Thank You
Amanda

[mypostingid]

Take it from me, the kid who literally cried every day of kindergarten (and whose mom reminds me of that fact regularly -- often at family gatherings), your daughter will be ok. Unless there are some really serious issues going on within the family, or if she has been abused etc., I would not take her shyness as something that she will not overcome. Over-sensitivity is a whole different thing. Some people are just not so sensitive and others are really thin skinned. I am still a super sensitive person. Seriously, I can't watch the news, because I cry. I can't look at commercials about kids starving in third word countries, because it makes me physically ill. I used to get my feelings hurt constantly, but as an adult, I learned to overcome it.
I have three girls (my oldest is 11, and my twins are 3), and my 11 year old was a split image of me and how I was. I was super worried about her when she was first in school, because she was shy and came home crying every day. I even home schooled her for a year because she was actually getting sick because of her nerves (throwing up because she was so nervous). But she is ok now. And doing really well, actually. She is still not a social butterfly, but I am not either. Liking to be a loner is not really a bad thing in my opinion. But being so sensitive it makes you sick isn't so good. I reallly recommend that, like you said, finding things to help your daughter stand out. What worked with my daughter, to raise her self esteem, was to get her focusing on things she is good at. She likes to read and is creative. She did not want to join a book club at school (too shy), but she was ok with doing an online book club for kids (I supervised the online "chat" sessions). She and I also went online together and found a whole bunch of resources for submitting her "artwork" (drawing, etc) and stories and poems she writes, for sites for kids. It really raised her self esteem a lot to see she was good at things. Other than that, my only advice is, give her lots of hugs and talk to her a lot. Don't say stuff that will make her feel like she is doing something wrong or is "bad" for being the way she is -- that just makes things worse. Even if you are frustrated, try your best not to let her see it. Do whatever you can to make her feel special and loved.

[Ruby24]

[quote=happimommaof2]Hello I am new here I have 2 children a 6 year old girl and a 4 year old boy! My question is about my daughter, she has been in school since August she is in kindergarten and she seems to not be making friends, she is a very shy child and 9 times out of 10 you have to come to her she will not go to you! But it is really bothering me because I want her out there making friends and instead she comes home and tells me how no one plays with her and all she does is swing by herself at recess, I have been up there when she was at recess and that is exactly what she does, she was playing with a little boy but then yesterday he told her that she did not color pretty so she wont talk to him anymore. I am at my wits end I do have her in counseling because of a few problems I have had with her, but I dont know what to do, I am trying to think of ways to make her kind of stand out because she is so shy and withdrawn. If anyone has any suggestions please I need all the help I can get..
Thank you God Bless
Amanda
Hi amanda I'am writing to you because I read your quote about your child and I just wanted to let you know that I am too going thru the same thing with my child she is also 6yrs old her name is Abigail she is a 1st grader and she's been really shy even in kindergraden and I thought that it would go away but it hasnt and she is also very sentimental she worries me alot because I also see when I drop her off at school I watch how she intreacts with kids and she doesnt and to day I passed by the school and it happens to be that she was at reccess and she was playing by her self I dont know If you helped your child fight the shiness If you did help her please help me help my daughter.
thank you Hope to hear from you soon
Ruby

[happimommaof2]

I have watched a little more with my daughter and I saw her the other day playing on the playground, and she was just running with a bunch of little girls and I was just so happy well when she came home I asked her if she had played on the playground today and she said no I went to the library all 3 recess, Well I told her I saw her on the play ground playing and she started smiling. I do have her in counseling she goes for 30 minutes a day one day a week and as for friends she is doing real good when we leave the school kids will come up and say bye Ashley. It makes me very happy. I will say this my daughter liked to hide in the library and she would stay in there all the time, I finally told her teacher 1 time a day in the library and that is it, Ashleys biggest problem is the kids had to come to her she would not go to them. I really hope your little girl starts making friends soon, I will keep an eye out and let you know if I see anything that might be able to help you. If you ever want to talk just write my email is happimommaof2@yahoo.com but mind you my daughter s still shy at times. Take CAre Oh another thing is you might want to talk to her teacher because Ashleys teacher started a buddy thing with her and she would send her on the playground with another little shy girl in her class so she was not alone because the playground could be very intimaditing. You could always try something like that with the teacher I really hope it works I know being a mother and seeing your child out there all by themselves is the most upsetting thing it would always break my heart. Just remember there is hope and she will make friends the hardest thing is as a mother having patience and believe me I have absolutley none. Yet again take care.
God Bless and Happy Thanksgiving,
Amanda

[cocotbo]

How wonderful that your daughter is coming out of her shell!!!!
I'm so happy for you both!

[markbarnes19]

Good decision. As a teacher, I run into shy kids all the time. It's a tough nut to crack. I do all I can to build rapport with these kids. Call on them occasionally, but be careful not to embarrass them. I will pull them to my desk and ask a personal question, invite them in for extra help. Then, when I have their confidence, I will attempt to pair them with someone I think will work well with them and be a good friend.