[jgreene]

My nephew is 7 years old and extremely bright. However, he is not doing well in school. He doesn’t like going and he doesn’t relate well to the other children. Psychological testing shows that he is unusually smart and also that he has ADHD. His parents have been told that he shouldn’t go to public school, yet several private schools have rejected him as being too difficult for them to handle.



Does anyone else have experience with this situation? I believe it is called being “doubly gifted.”

[babydawn]

I am afraid that I don't know the answer to your problem. I am writing because I too am curious on the options out there. My brother had the exact same problem. He dropped out of high school at the legal age of 16. They did testing on him and found that he was extremely bright (he also suffers from ADHD). It took him years to get back on his feet and dare to try out college. He is now in a Nuclear Physics program. He also suffers from social anxiety and although he is extremely bright, he doesn't have a whole lot of common sense in the social area. (Thinks it's okay to wear a white button up shirt and thin too short sweats with socks and addidas type sandels to church). Now maybe you are all saying that is just a fashion sense problem, but it really isn't. Albert Einstein had a similar problem, forgetting to put his pants on in the morning. I would like to know of the options for someone in this area, because had he had other options, he probably would have graduated from college on time, as opposed to being in college in this 30s.

[jgreene]

That is very interesting about your brother! I wonder if Ritalin would help? I am skeptical about drugs in general, but it seems to work for many people. I also don't know if counseling can have any effect, or maybe just meeting more people who have the same issues. I wonder if people who are doubly gifted helped to create that idea of the eccentric professor? Anyway, congratulations to your brother for forging ahead! It can be difficult when lots of people suggest you can't do something.

[babydawn]

My brother is on medication. It is either Strattera (a non-stimulant) or Adderall. Either way, it has helped him some. I know people are hesitant about medicating their children, but when it makes it so that that persons quality of life increases...I think it is a good thing. It certainly hasn't solved all of my brother's problems, but look, he is in college now where as before, that was something he didn't feel like he could do.

[markbarnes19]

This sounds like a very challenging, if intriguing, child. I wonder how you feel about medication for attention deficit. It is a controversial subject, I understand, but I have worked with many children and adults, similar to the one you describe. Many of them have done very well with medication. You might want to explore different kinds. Good luck.

[mcmama]

To answer the original question - I had these issues with my oldest, and private school was the only option that worked for us. Because of the negative record on his classification (Emotionally Disturbed) the private school almost did not accept him. They had him come for a week at their summer camp and the principal observed him. She concluded that the team at our elementary school were out of their minds and probably trying to get rid of us.
My son had anxiety/OCD problems. He did not have ADHD, but he was fidgety. Very bright, very sensitive, very outgoing, and very bored. For example, in first grade, they were expected to do seatwork for most of the afternoon. Well, he would finish it off in 45 minutes, have it done right, hand it in, and then have nothing to do but read. Or wiggle and get into trouble. None of this "learning station" or "Activity center" stuff - that was for those big bad daycare centers (like the montessori one he had gone to) and this was big real school, so you will sit in your seat and wait your turn, and do just as you are told.
His eagerness to learn was seen as being show offish, his frantic hand waving to answer the question was seen as poor impulse control. And yes, he did have poor impulse control. He was a target for bullying. Very little intervention was done. And as for the resource room - they had no plan for him at that time. They felt his problems were social, so he could help the "tough kids" with their homework and maybe they would become friends with him and that would stop the bullying. He could have used that resource room time to work on organizational issues, or develop better control of his dysgraphia. (not being able to write)
Once he got into a private school with better discipline, teachers who wanted to be there despite the cut in salary, an expectation that students would behave a certain way, the anxiety went way down. The principal assigned him to the class of a master fifth grade teacher who taught education at the college level - and she worked on the organization and also the bully target issues. Being smart was not a punishable offense. They weren't set up for "special ed" but they had the right conditions to support a bright kid with some problems. We followed their reccommendations for private counseling for him. This is what we were supposedly "entitled" to if he had stayed at public school - but because it was private, we paid an arm and a leg. But it was worth it. I think they saved his life. But it was really too late to effectively remediate the writing. He types really fast and still cannot spell.
Now he is in college. One of the great differences he remembers is that at the private school he had choices and his teachers were more available. In public school the teachers did not eat lunch with the kids - they had lunchroom aides, many of whom weren't very good. Lunch should be relaxing and social for the kids, but it was very chaotic and regimented. He ate in the classroom, and then went out to the blacktop. And only his class's section of the blacktop so that the aide could keep an eye on them. So if he wanted to stay in and finish a board game with his friend, or go to a different part of the blacktop to see someone in another class, he couldn't. He had to play the games or just sit around. And he got bullied and there were no teachers to see it.
In the private school he ate in the classroom with his teacher. Then, there were choices. Kids could go the the blacktop and a teacher or staff member supervised. Kids could go to the science lab and have lunch with the teacher and do special projects. Kids could go to the school library when they were done if they wanted to read. He spent most of his time on the blacktop with a few well chosen friends playing basketball, or in the science lab. By the end of the year he had organized his own lunchtime event - come and learn about whales! He did a workshop for 45 minutes with multimedia that he developed to share his fascination with whales. He had posters all over the school about it.
He has also taught at a Saturday enrichment program for gifted kids - this helps the social end of things if you have no other alternatives in your school. It is the same program that was a lifeline to him when he was surviving his public school years. At least on Saturdays the bright kids can get together. Who does he work with? Boys between 4th - 8th grade usually on meds who think they are so smart they don't need to work with anybody or to listen.....
Yes, he is my pride and joy! He claims he is a gifted underacheiver and proud of it! I think he is a survivor.