[housekat59]

Hello! I came across this site while searching for information about Legal Guardianship and/or adoption of a minor....

My husband and I have a 14 y/o girl in our lives, who just has a terrible home situation. She has asked numerous times if she can come to live with us, and it has only become a more serious request as time goes on. Her mother is emotionally abusive, and it will not get better for her...when they argue, she tells her to 'go find someone else to live with', and 'you'll see that no one will love you'...

We are more than willing to become her legal guardians, (and at some point adopt if she wishes) - but it would be the best situation for all if her mother would agree to appoint us - rather than going through the Dept of Social Services and having her enter the 'system' first....any advice on HOW to approach her mother with this scenario???

[twinzplus3]

We had a similar situation awhile back in my church and the woman who was willing to take guardianship of the teen went with a "mediator" (which was really just someone who had worked with the teen but that was good with words ) and just approached the mom. I can't remember but it seems like they did not go through the system but that the mom had no issues with letting her daughter live there either. . .

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board!

No specific advise from me. Wishing you the best with the 14 yo and her family situation.

[housekat59]

Thanks....we are planning on doing something similar...she is currently seeing a counselor, and we may have the counselor talk to her mom with us - that way he can explain how the situation is beneficial, etc....we hope for the best!

[erinellakal]

when i was 10 my parents became legal guardians of one of my brothers friends, both boys were 15 at the time. My adopted brothers birth mom agreed that living with us was better for him and i guess appointed my parents.
Good luck!

[Samual]

The girls mother and father have to give permission for her to adopted by another, but that does not mean the new 'parents' will be you, even though you know her well.

[browsing]

Originally Posted by housekat59

Hello! I came across this site while searching for information about Legal Guardianship and/or adoption of a minor....

My husband and I have a 14 y/o girl in our lives, who just has a terrible home situation. She has asked numerous times if she can come to live with us, and it has only become a more serious request as time goes on. Her mother is emotionally abusive, and it will not get better for her...when they argue, she tells her to 'go find someone else to live with', and 'you'll see that no one will love you'...

We are more than willing to become her legal guardians, (and at some point adopt if she wishes) - but it would be the best situation for all if her mother would agree to appoint us - rather than going through the Dept of Social Services and having her enter the 'system' first....any advice on HOW to approach her mother with this scenario???

First of all, realize that legal guardianship and adoption are two different things. Adoption terminates all parental rights. Legal guardianship will not do that. Down the road, a parent may choose to file a petition with the court asking that the guardianship be terminated.

Guardianship is certainly a way to go. However, you're going to either need the permission of the parents' or, if the child is in some kind of danger, the Dept of Social Services can intervene. If you wish to take the child, I would suggest you speak with the mother and tell her that the child wishes to live with you, then ask her if she is willing to do that. You might want to seek legal counsel and have ready a Consent form that she can sign on the spot (though you should have it notarized, so there's no question about the legality of the signature later).

But, there's still the issue of the father. He also has to consent. And, you will probably have to notify others who might have an interest in the child, typically, grandparents. Every state has its own laws governing these things, so it is probably best for you to seek counsel on the matter.

[mrmnmom82]

My best frend's parents and my sister have both been in this situation. In both situations the Mom said, "Get out" and so the girls did. They packed thier things and said, "I'll be at -------'s house if you need to contact me. They have offered me a place to stay."
In both situations, the mom's just let them leave. Hardley ever called, and my sister and my friend's mother were happy to have a new family member.
You may think this risky. The parent could come in at any time and demand back their child. Luckily that didnot happen in my experiences. In both situations the girls came to live with the other families at about 15 yrs. old. And both families saw these girls off to college. Which was a priority in the household. I doubt she is getting that same expectation where she is now.

My opinion. It's worth the risk. Get her room ready. Tell her it's ready when she is. Offer to speak to her mother with her. Explain you "can understand she may be feeling overwhelmed and would like to help out." Maybe even tell her to visit her daughter whenever she likes, but she would really be doing YOU a favor if you could bring this girls into your home.
I guess there are 2 reactions you could get back, relief, or offense. If you think you getting into the conversation would make it worse for the girl, don't be involved in the conversation. I hope this mother really does want her daughter to find another place and doesn't just want to have her daughter crawl back to her when she can't find one. But people don't usually say things unless there is and incling of the truth behind it.
Go for it!!