[MaryS]

I am sooo at a loss. I have a wonderful 13 y/o daughter. She has always been an exceptional child. Excellent grades, popular, pretty, athletic, etc. Last year she started "going out" with a boy at school. This only consisted of seeing him at school and what not.
Over this past summer we allowed the kids to see eachother at eachothers houses as long as a parent was home and supervising. This was not something that I was totally OK with, but I really didn't see any harm in it.
Now...OMG....I don't know what to do. About 3 weeks ago my husband and I were woken up by the cops beating at the door. They found my daughter walking down the street at 2:30am. You could imagine my surprise when I open the door and see a cop standing there with my daughter!!! She was on her way to her boyfriends house that lives about 3 miles away!! (keep in mind that we do not allow our children to walk the streets even during the day!)
We talked to her about all the crazy things that could have happened. Grounded her from everything. Cell, computer, home phone, everything. We were hoping that this would be an isolated incidence, but...
A week ago, my cell phone comes up missing. Ask and ask where it is, nobody knows. My husband goes in her room one night because the dog is barking and catches her holding the phone, texting her boyfriend. Busted. To make matters worse when I was checking the messages the next morning I realized that he was right outside her bedroom window!! That is why the dog was barking!
More talks about the dangers of what could happen...etc... I feel like we are repeating the same conversations over and over again....
Two days ago my phone comes up missing again. I knew she had it, but hubby keeps insisting that she wouldn't do it again. Guess what...I went online to check the usage and sure enought another 1300 texts had been sent from my phone to her boyfriends!!!!
I demand my phone. Now I am beyond mad, hurt, upset...I am livid!! She insists she doesn't have it until I tell her that I have it all pulled up online! Then she caves and gives it to me......
Where do I go from here????
I am in tears just trying to write this.
She is grounded from the phones, computer, etc. I switched her from her normal school to a charter school. We have spoken with the boyfriend and parents. She has a ton of chores (more than I would have ever given a child). What now. Were these good choices. My heart hurts because this is her 8th grade year and she is not able to do all the fun things that 8th graders would be doing, she is away from all her friends and I feel terrible. I know she did this to herself, but I can't believe how my heart hurts.
Could anybody suggest anything more??? Less??? Please help...

[swt1899]

I have taught this age group for 7 years and hear a lot of this from parents. My cousin's daughter also got in trouble with texting and cell phone use. She actually ran away one night and took a bus some 400 miles away to be with the person she was texting. A great shock to the entire family. Needless to say, she has not had a cell phone since and that was 2 years ago. My cousin had passed away and I think she was acting out in the loss of her own mother. My uncle has custody of her now and they had a little trouble with her recently not wanting follow the rules with inappropriate behavior with boys. They took her door off her room. So she is being watched carefully now. She hates it, but things are slowly returning back to normal. She can now have friends over, but they are supervised. It seems very strict, but my uncle can't have this happen again.

I think taking the phone away was a good move. Taking away priviledges can be a consequence for her behavior. I myself would keep all cell phones away. Maybe if you constantly carried your phone on you? Or maybe switch to a phone that did not text so just in case she got a hold of it she wouldn't be able to text? What did the boyfriend's parents say? Just curious.

[MaryS]

Thanks so much for the reply. His parents think it is normal and that if we try too hard to keep them apart that I am forcing them to run away to be together. Now you saying that really scares me. But, personally I don't think I have to really worry about that. They are only 13, which I would think that would give them very limited means of doing it...ie money, cars, etc...
The thing is is that he is an excellent kid too. Straight A student, sports, all that. I am just thinking that they are way to comfortable with eachother, and although my daughter is not promiscuous (sp) yet, I don't think it is to far out there to think its close .
Sadly my daughter is only 13, and is very physically mature for her age. She is 5'2" 115 lbs and very developed...
I am going to password protect my phone so she can't use it at all anymore. Sadly I have already had to do this with my computer.

[swt1899]

My cousin's daughter was 15 when she ran away. She got the money from friends and bought a bus ticket to Dumas, TX. She lives in the Beaumont area. So it was a long way for her to go. My uncle reported her missing and got it out of her friends where she was going. He alerted police and they got her right as she got off the bus. We couldn't believe it. It was like something out of a horribly scary movie.

She is very young. I can agree to what you said about keeping them apart. It will make them want to be together even more... almost like forbidden fruit. It is a tough situation. Teens these days are so creative in getting the things they really want. I've had parents contact me and wanting me to keep their daughter from another boy or another girl, but in the hall ways they some how find each other or their friends pass notes. They also put notes in lockers that are written in codes and have meeting places outside of school when they are out with their friends.

My cousin's daughter is an extreme case. My cousin passed away suddenly so it was a horrible situation for her daughter to be in. Every family is different and have their own ways of handling things. I hope that someone who has a teen replies. I teach this age group and see how they are while they are in school. They are different people than when they are at home. They are even different than when they are in class.

Best of luck to you. I'll be saying a prayer for your family tonight. Many hugs to you!

[ProudPapa]

I don't know the situation but I think you might be too harsh. You should expect a lot of things from teenagers and this is one of them. Preventing them from doing what they want would only cause a rebellion. Put them on a leash but loosen it up a bit.. placing her in charter school was overboard IMO. What's the problem with the boyfriend? Don't you like the boy?