[joeyjo]

My partner and I applied to become foster carers about 6 months ago. Right from the start I made it clear that my relationship with my ex-husband was not very good and he had main custody of our two sons (now 12 and 15) following a long court battle. He had been violent to me when we were together and had a controlling nature. Our assessment has now been postponed for a year until I can improve relations with my ex-husband. Needless to say we are very disappointed having gone through so much of the assessment already and I wonder why they could not have said this sooner. Has anyone had a similar experience and is it worth us continuing with them or trying another agency ?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[mcmama]

In what way are you supposed to improve the relationship? It sounds a bit vague.

They may be concerned because fostering children sometimes means you have contact with difficult birth parents - and whatever your issues are with your ex husband may arise in the communication with the foster child's birth family relationships.

[Samual]

I'm only able to give advice where UK law is concerned but laws concerning qualification are extremely similar to those in AUS and the US,here if you have a violent relative, ex-partners included you are not allowed to adopt or foster unless you severe all contact with them. It will be the same with every agency as they are following laws, not agency rules.

They may also be curious about the violence, especially if he has custody of your children, I know here if you have less than 50% custody for your children you cannot foster or adopt unless you gave them up to be cared for by someone else.

You need to find out exactly what your laws are on the custody issue with your children and violent relatives, as these laws will apply to every agency.

[Samual]

Of course find out exactly what the agency want you to do as well if your country for some reason does not have violence and custody laws.

[timang]

you also need some background check...
in that case you will be able to know the story.

[lifechange]

I think you are going to need to show them solid proof that you have improved the relationship ie counselling. I know that might be difficult since you have moved on with your life, but ultimately any agency will want to know that the children they place in your home are safe. An example would be an extended family member who the family suspects might be an alcoholic. childrens aid would be concerned that the individual would be around the foster children. Best of luck!