[thekipper]

Hello,
My first post here, I just joined because my 4 year old's pre-school teacher wants to talk with us on Friday about his copying at school. He seems to copy his buddy to the point that the teacher thinks we need to discuss. We always talk to him about being an individual and reinforcing that he is a very special person just the way he is.

Do you have any advise on how to address this constructively so it can be minimized or turned into a postitive?

Thanks so much, this looks like a very active community and I am eager to learn more about parenting by reading here!

[Samual]

Do you directly say to him, don't copy other children? He is very young he can't work something like that out from being told he is a special individual. Apart from that I can't add anything as my sons schooling doesn't give opportunity to copy as they don't sit at desks and barely do any writing, mainly making lots of mess.

[thekipper]

Sorry, should have been more specific...it's behavioral copying, not work copying

[Samual]

As in copying bad behaviour, or just mimicking? Mimicking is still fairly normal at four years old.

[thekipper]

Mimicking

We haven't addressed this specifically with him but will start. Usually when we do that, he corrects it and we move on.

Any suggestions welcomed!

[mcmama]

I used to see this kind of monkey see monkey do behavior with 4 year old boys when I worked in a preschool and did daycare. Some kids lead, some kids follow. Actually, I think some boys are trying on a different persona, to see how it feels, and they're learning new things, not all of it good.

BTW, it doesn't mean your son won't be a leader - it means he's following something that seems to work for someone else.

So you have the conversation with him that goes something like this:

When Johnny burps, you think it is funny. But other people think it is rude and yucky. (try to ignore the giggles) You don't have to do what Johnny does because we love you and your friends like you just the way you are.

Then try to find something unique your son does that is all his own and reinforce it. He rides a bike well. Catches a ball. Makes up funny words. Plays nice. Invented something. (one of mine used to invent elaborate games in his head which were VERY difficult to follow)

What type of behavior is he imitating? Bossiness, words, pushing, burping, farting?

[thekipper]

I think it's mostly the words and actions...

Your suggestions are what we decided to try...reinforcing his positives, uniqueness, and what makes him so special

He tends to latch on to one or two friends at a time rather than opening up to the entire class. It's happened before until he got in trouble because of what he did and that stopped it. I tend to agree that he is feeling out various things, I just want him to understand it's important to be himself

It was a bit worrying when the teacher brought it up but I feel more positive after the replies from you and Samual. Thanks for that!

[Tracey with 6]

has the teacher been at this long, seems like pretty normal 4 year old behaviour to me , good luck with the interview

[pinball9818]

Perfect answer, McMama...good luck TheKipper. Not to worry, this behavior will be temporary and generally harmless.