[Nathan]

I had a dear friend who is on his third marriage, and one day he confided in me that if he had been more mature and worked through the issues he still would be married to his first wife, who he loved. What tips would you give to anyone struggling with the possibility of divorce that might help them resolve the situation instead?

[hennypenny]

I think the main thing is to choose wisely in the first place to be honest. Just about everyone I know who's divorced has told me that they had their doubts about the person before going into the marriage, and wanted to cancel the wedding but were too afraid. That the 'signs' were there that they weren't the right person for them, if you know what I mean.
Then, once that's done, it's working your butt off to make it work. I honestly believe a marriage can only work if both ppl are making the effort.

[scrapbookguru]

I have to agree with henny. The best advice is get to know the person really well first. You need to be sure that you can live together, that your opinions at least match somewhat, and if you disagree, you can agree to disagree.

There are many reasons why a marriage ends in divorce, but it's less likely to happen if you get to know the person really well.

I don't think there's a time limit on how long you have to know someone first, because some people just know they are immediately compatible. But if those warning bells are ringing and flags are flying you need to be sure that you know that person well.

Sorry for your friend!

[mcmama]

Originally Posted by Nathan

I had a dear friend who is on his third marriage, and one day he confided in me that if he had been more mature and worked through the issues he still would be married to his first wife, who he loved. What tips would you give to anyone struggling with the possibility of divorce that might help them resolve the situation instead?

But would your friend's first wife still be married to him?

Good thing your friend is having the self realization that comes with maturity, hope he carries this forward into the marraige he has now.

[WordsAplenty]

I think both people have to be committed to a lifetime together, no matter what. If you have chosen well and you are both 100% committed, you can work through anything. And, it's totally cliche, but communication is vital.

[writerchick]

Some good advice would also be to realize that any relationship has problems. You will have issues and problems with anyone you are with--they just might be different issues and problems. It's worth it for everyone's sake, especially the kids, to do the best with what you have. I know so many women who think, "If only I was with someone who (fill in the blank) then I would be happy." Well, you might get whatever the fill-in-the-blank was, but you might not get something else that matters. Look at your spouse in the most positive light you can, and realize that no one's perfect, and thank goodness your spouse forgives your faults.

[rollinbabe]

There are ways to avoid divorce and all depends on the couple tiself! They should 1st of all know how to make a marriage work, and the main factors are LOYALTY/LOVE/FRIENDLY nature and understanding..respect too.

[twinzplus3]

I have to agree with wordsaplenty. I don't think you can really know someone before your married. I knew my husband well. . .but then am still surprised by things now ten years later. Also, people change and things happen.
I think when both people go into the marriage thinking that divorce is not an option no matter what, divorce is much less likely to become an option.

[mcmama]

I think avoiding divorce happens before you are married. My church did not offer much in the way of pre marital counseling. I was married for 15 years, and it was not workable for a number of reasons. That ol leopard don't change his spots just because you said I DO. I think his abusiveness and sexual issues would have been difficult to miss in pre marital counseling.

[MJ7]

My dh is my best friend and I'm his. We always TRY to put each other first and make decisions mutually--if not, it doesn't happen. We resolve differences and conflicts before the night is over. When it comes to our kids, we stick together.

My dh and I went through a lot of trials earlier on in our marriage. Rather than them pulling us apart, they drew us together.