[Yambasticks]

ever since I heard about the collapsing of my cousin's daughter's marriage I find that I can't stop thinking about her daughter, and the things that seem to be wrong with the whole situation:

Here it is with thoughts, questions and all:

Currently the marriage status is "it's over- divorce papers are signed and the court date and selling the house is all that is left.

They have had a temple marriage and been happy for three years, but now, someway somehow her soon to be ex's former girl friend has shown up, and is now his girl friend again.

Although his parents are active L.D.S. people and his father is a councelor in their bishopric in their small town rather than help this couple try to reconnect and work out their differences, they- his parents paid for the divorce.......

can someone tell me church policy on doing this?
My cousin said she never would have paid for their divorce that it is something that should have been worked out between them as a couple?

Paying for the divorce, isn't that making assunder what God has joined together?
can someone tell me this?

Yes things are toxic between them and probably always will be. Even though they knew they were headed toward a divorce and he was not treating her right he still wanted "sex from her, which she would not give him..........

She and her parents are terrified because her soon to be ex is a cop in their town that he will retailiate and do crap to her........

and I guess he also pinned her against the wall and put his fist through the wall. Her mother told her to call the cops and it is our understanding that he was arrested for it, and the entire bizzarity of it all is that his parents who paid for the divorce called his girl friend for bail money for him.

I am extremely disturbed by the fact that good latter day saint parents, and one that is serving in the bishopric would pay for his child's divorce rather than offer counceling to both kids and tell them how sacred their temple covenants are. and to sort through their differences and to remind their son that the ex girl friend needed to stay completely out of his life to stay connected to his wife that he married in the temple.

what does everyone think? Does anyone know church policy on this, and what might be done.

The result is so far: My cousin's daughter is being driven from the church and wants less and less to do with the church each day. She is badly effected by his parents behavior as well as his.

I also understand that he is extremely jealous and that whenever she is out and about in public he is so afraid that she's doing crap with any man she encounters.

So the marriage is basically over. He laid his hands on her, and she nor will her folks put up with a man hitting, or beating her or any of their kids. so she is worried that
his parents, and him will take her to the cleaners that she will get nothing.

but we are all trying our best to support her and tell her that she can replace things.
we know she's worried about her finances, that the divorce will make them a great mess, and she also in our opinion needs a near by women's shelter for battered women just in case.

we are hoping the finalization of the divorce will be the end of it, but I did remind her mother that he may not be finished with her especially if he is jealous, demanded sexual favors from her even though the marriage is/was on skid row, and has pinned her to the wall.

I think he still may come after her, do what he can to demand any wifely things fix dinner, clean his house, have sex, be seen with him in places regardless...;.

any ideas?
are my thoughts and concerns about my cousin's daughter unfounded?

so everyone please pray that she, and also he and his parents and hers will somehow heal from this mess.

any quality real information, about policy, resources, and any idea that will help tthem out would greatly be appreciated.

thanks

[Samual]

How can you advocate marriage counselling when he is physically abusing her?

[Yambasticks]

I was before the abuse, not before I learned about that. I know for a fact that the marriage is over and that it is toxic for both, but I am extremely concerned also and shook up by the support of his parents to intrude and before the abuse discourage his already in place marriage considering that it was a temple marriage, and his father also being in the bishopric.
I know for certain that it is better for her to move on, but like I told my cousin that I really don't think her soon to be ex won't be finished being violent with her even after the divorce is final so yes I'm concerned about these things
1. his parents are/have driven her enough mentally away from the church that she wants no part of it.
2. he showed that he was violent by pinning her to the wall, and putting his fist through it.
3. his girl friend showed up.
4. he's a cop in the community and we fear he'll do something to her. but she's got a good job, and does not want him to chase her away from the town or her job.
5. her personal safety.
The financial end will eventually work itself out.
The big disturbing thing to me is that this was an eternal marriage, sealed in the temple for time and all eternity, and yet if the parents are more than willing to pay for the divorce then they are not following church councel and making assunder what God has joined together. Before all this came down they should have been encouraging these kids to sort out their differences and make their marriage work,
but it is over, and it's too messy and too ugly to save anything, and we quite frankly don't want her to stay married to him now, but all of them considering the issues going on, although it needs to be done seperately now all concerned need counceling.
so no, you misunderstood. I don't advocate that they get counceling as a married couple. it is over, and we want him to keep his hands off of her.
but as said, we are really shook up by his folks involvment and we also would like to know the church's policy on their role in what they have done, and also what everyone thinks about this situation.
this is at least my opinion, and I wonder if I'm right or wrong, but even what I think doesn't mean it'll go the way I think it should is this.
1. the parents should have stayed out of it, and now they really should stay out of what goes down between these two.
2. I think the young man's father should be told he treaded on sacred grounds and that they had no business paying for the divorce.
3. counceling for everyone.
4. wish she would move out of the town and start fresh somewhere else.
5. We think he should also either be fred, find a new career or something, obviously he is one cop she should have been able to trust but now he's laid his hands on her it is a worry and we think she honestly needs a restraining order.

This is just my opinion, but as stated it doesn't mean that is what will happen and I would really like to hear what other people think about her situation
and I also believe firmly that her soon to be ex should be excommunicated for getting involved with his ex girl friend because he is/was a married man.

[Alejandros Mommy]

You may want to post this in the LDS area of our forum.....they may have th info you need regarding LDS policy.

[Yambasticks]

I would very much love to do that, but I am just new to this web site, and really am not sure exactly where that area is. I don't mind pasting my words there or even have a moderator move it there, just not sure where what is yet.

[mrmnmom82]

The bishop may consider this a personal matter. She shouldn't let her father in law push her away from the church. We do have a few families that are not technically part of our ward, but come to our meetings because they are more comfortable with our ward instead of their own. So if there is one near by, she may consider going there for sacrament meetings.

It is shameful that the parents of her husband have inserted themselves into this volitle situation, and probably made it worse. Your neice should be relieved to be getting away from this guy. As long as she has a temple marriage on record, she has an important key. he probably won't be able to get the sealing "canceled", because of the way it was handled, and because she isn't planning on getting remarried, at the moment.
She may be better off moving. No career is worth her safety. Is there anyway to complain to his boss about his behavior, or get a restraining order?

Your cousin's daughter may not feel comfortable speaking to her bishop about the bahavior of one of his counselors, so she may want to seek counsel from the stake president. Maybe they can try to mediate the situation?

I hope everything works out ok

[bhoneycutt]

Originally Posted by Yambasticks

I would very much love to do that, but I am just new to this web site, and really am not sure exactly where that area is. I don't mind pasting my words there or even have a moderator move it there, just not sure where what is yet.

Click the "Forums" tab (between the Blogs and Deals tabs). Scroll down the page until you find "Faith and Spirituality". Click that. Then you'll find various religions. Click the "Christian-LDS" one. Hope that helps.

Welcome to the boards!