[mandy89]

My Daughter is 19 years old she is going to be 20 in a few months. She is away at school and has recently asked me if she can go away with her boyfriend who is 21 also away at school; they have been together for about 2 years now. She wants to go away for 3 nights with him and a few of their friends, I’m not completely comfortable with them going away but on the same side she is an adult and this has been causing controversy between her and I. She is not a bad kid for the most part she has been responsible and does get good grades in school; her and her boyfriend would be paying for the trip. I just want to know what some of you other parents think out there about this and what you would do if your kids of similar ages asked you about going away. Am I wrong for giving her a hard time about going?

[Alejandros Mommy]

I remember being that age and anything my parents told me not to do I did it...I was a good kid..but wanted my parents to leave me alone and let me make my own decsions. I remember one time when I was 21 I went away for a couple days (I was living on my own at the time) to the Zoo with my then BF and my son (now 7yrs old). MY parents flipped out that they almost called the police that I was missing..I was Sooo embarassed that I couldn't even go away without "permission" and this was that I was living by Myself.

I would let you DD go. She is an Adult and like you said she's not a bad kid...You raised her right..now let her make her own decsions and choices with what you have taught her. I think she is trying to keep you invloved in her life by telling you she is going. If you make a huge deal about her not going she may not tell you the next time she is going to go away.

I understand that being her mom and "letting your baby" go away goes against wha you have been doing the last 20 yrs....you don't want her to get hurt and want to protect her. You should trust her...just get the info you need to get a hold of her and ask her where she is going and when she'll be back.

HugZ to you from one mom to another. I have to deal with this in 10 yrs time...I think I would be the same way

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board, Mandy89!

Are they both away at the same college?
They have dated now for 2 years.

What would you say if DD were going away with a group of girlfriends for the 3 nights & she was paying for it herself? Would your response be the same?

Sounds like it is a planned trip with a few friends and it also is DD & her boyfriend.
What will be different about this particular trip than
their day to day relationship and socialization at college?
Are they sharing a room and that is a concern?
Is transportation a concern?

We have DS#1 (21) and a jr in college (away) and DS#2 (17...soon to be 1 a senior in h.s. I'm hearing you, Mandy!

At least she is honest and open with you about the trip. Are they going to the beach? The mountains? She could have not told you anything about the trip, so I am glad that she feels open enough to talk with you.

Now, I am thinking that your daughter is a lovely young lady. Whether she goes on the trip or does not go on the trip.....I am hoping that you've had that birth control discussion. It's a 1-2-3 talk that I've had with my sons....and their friends.

1. Don't have sex until you get married.
2. If you have sex, wear a condom to protect you and the young lady.
3. You make a baby, you will be the Dad for the next 18 years financially, physically, and emotionally.

You have given your daughter strong roots with your upbringing
and
at some point, you have to give her wings.
I am finding the wings part much tougher for me as a mother.
You too?

What do our other friends think?

[mandy89]

No they go to different schools about an hour away, they see each other about every other weekend sometimes more sometimes less. Yes I think my response may be different if she were going with a bunch of her girlfriends rather than her boyfriend and friends. I have the sex talk with her all the time, ive found condoms in her room about a year ago and she has asked me to go on the "pill" but I would prefer her not to be on it. They are going to Miami Beach and also south beach. My biggest concern is the rooming, she said they were going to share a room with 2 of their friends, which in my mind isn’t as bad as having the 2 of them alone in the room, I think for me its an issue of them having sex I know I cant prevent it but I would like to at least try. Ive always been really close to her and she always does tell me what is going on in her life, and ever since she went to school I have been having a hard time letting her go, I've found that we always are having arguments and that her breaks home are not too pleasant because of our arguments. After hearing what other parents had to say I’m going to stop giving her a hard time about going and try and just let her go off on her own, I know she will keep in touch with me she always does when she is out and when she is at school we talk almost every day.

[MissyChrissy]

I hear ya about having a hard time letting her go...but really, be proud! You've done an amazing job because she's even going through the motions of "asking" you.

Take a deep breath, and let her go. Cry if you must-but she's really a woman now, and should be making these decisions on her own.

[QueenAngie]

Mandy, you have done a great job raising your DD.
Isn't it amazing how just yesterday, she was learning
to walk...and now she is in college.

All those things you have taught her and
told her,
and she will follow your example.

At some point, DD and boyfriend may or may not have sex.
You have laid down the foundation of right and wrong,
and your family's morals.

DD knows your thoughts on this subject.

Next time she comes home for a visit, do not even discuss it.
Do something fun that mothers & daughters do together.....pedicures
or getting your hair done.
Have some fun together.
Make her fav foods.
Make an effort to get along.

Enjoy your time with your daughter.

(((Hugs)))

[adelaide]

Originally Posted by mandy89

No they go to different schools about an hour away, they see each other about every other weekend sometimes more sometimes less. Yes I think my response may be different if she were going with a bunch of her girlfriends rather than her boyfriend and friends. I have the sex talk with her all the time, ive found condoms in her room about a year ago and she has asked me to go on the "pill" but I would prefer her not to be on it. They are going to Miami Beach and also south beach. My biggest concern is the rooming, she said they were going to share a room with 2 of their friends, which in my mind isn’t as bad as having the 2 of them alone in the room, I think for me its an issue of them having sex I know I cant prevent it but I would like to at least try. Ive always been really close to her and she always does tell me what is going on in her life, and ever since she went to school I have been having a hard time letting her go, I've found that we always are having arguments and that her breaks home are not too pleasant because of our arguments. After hearing what other parents had to say I’m going to stop giving her a hard time about going and try and just let her go off on her own, I know she will keep in touch with me she always does when she is out and when she is at school we talk almost every day.

I think the fact that your daughter told you that she wants to be on birth control shows a certain level of maturity and that she's responsible for her actions, so I don't see the problem with letting her go on the trip. You should reconsider the birth control issue, because if they're going to have sex, you can't stop them, and you want her to be as protected as possible against an unplanned pregnancy.

[BeckyFranks]

Your morals and values don't change just because your children are growing up. Even though your daughter is an adult now, you should still give her the best advice you can. Remind her that Satan is real and he will try his hardest to convince her to sin. It is best not to put yourself in any kind of situation where you may be tempted to sin.

[BeckyFranks]

If you don't feel good about it, don't give your approval. Trust your instincts.