[lavatea]

So I've been following the "Do you spank or not?" debate over in the family values forum and although I do occasionally spank, the thread has inspired me to try other methods of disciplining my two (almost three) year old daughter (spanking rarely works for me with her anyway). So far I've tried taking away things when she doesn't obey - especially if it is a toy that is relevant to what I'm wanting her to do. This has worked some, but it's not the magic bullet I was hoping for. I've also tried talking to her face to face and making it clear what I want (I've done this since she was little and she usually just turns her head). I try to get her to repeat what I've told her and the consequence I've lined out, but she will not repeat what I've said! I've also tried time out some, but it doesn't work every time, either. I come from a spanking family and everyone else spanks her to varying degrees of success. My mom does occassionally also do time outs (to much better success than I get out of it).

Does anyone have some other suggestions? Or am I maybe trying too many different things?

[Dorotheaaa]

Because I'm a 60 year old grandmother, my children and grandchildren could spank me if I'm not careful.. My one grandson is a marine, and when I yell at him, I remind him, he has to listen, and no disrespect. So far, so good. However, my daughter whoes two youngest are 4 and 12 is as frustrated as you are. I suggested Sherry cuddle and tickle Noah while you speak softly telling him what is unacceptable behavior. It works Noah is 4. William, who is 12, has to be dealt with differently. He is restricted from his games, bike etc. He is made to do extra chores, and has to sometimes not be able to leave the house.
There is no perfect way to disciplin.. Altought, I agree sometimes, a smack on the bottom will get them moving in the right direction. Observe the things that get their attention. Use those strategies whenever possible.
Watching the nanny on televsion has been great. I've shared things from the program with my daughter. Try finding the channels where there are reruns see if you enjoy the program. It might give you ideas.. I hope I helped. Regards, Grammy
http://grammology.com

[twinzplus3]

I like very logical consequences if possible. I've also strapped mine into a stroller for time out. Then you can physically redirect them to a corner or leave them be.

[mcmama]

Hey, I have done all those things, minus the tickling. I am very ticklish and would regard that as torture. My youngest is like this too.

We watch the nanny at our house - my youngest (16) likes to talk back to the parents on tv and tell them what's wrong with them.

They turn their head because they do not want to challenge you at this point, even if they do not want to accept what you say. Unless "eyeballing" (looking directly at you) is a sign of disrespect in your family, you may want to tell her to look at mommy when she is talking to you - I have to know that you see and hear what I told you.

[QueenAngie]

Have to agree with the above friends,
squat down to her level, looking her straight eye to eye, and calmly but firmly state, "I need you to do __________."
Or
gently take her face in your hands, turning her head, so you can look at her eye to eye, "We do not allow jumping on the furniture in this home. You will get a 2 minute time out in the naughty chair." Set the timer for 2 minutes.

If she leaves the naughty chair before 2 minutes are up, put her back there, each time.

Be consistent. Every time.

I also have found with my boys, the one acting out, needs extra kisses, hugs, and I love you's. They get attention one way or another.

*******
My words of mother advise, "been there, done that," it is better to get her under control as a 2/3 yo....than trying to wait another 10 years as a teenager.
Then, you both will be really miserable.

(((Hugs)))

[MissyChrissy]

I do think you have to be consistent. Pick something & stick to it. Spanking is always a last resort in my house-but it's a fair possibility & even though it'll likely never happen, my 14-year-old thinks it could

When it comes to discipline, I am a parent first and foremost. I speak in an authoritative tone in order to get their attention, and let them know I'm not kidding. They will stop their behavior, or they'll lose something precious for a period of time. Sitting is a consequence as well.

My girls are older-and honestly, at 3-6 years of age, I didn't ever have to take anything away from them. My stern mommy voice was enough to get them in line.

My 14 year old was taken off the computer for over 6 months for talking to a stranger. I've unplugged the cable cord to their tv's in their bedrooms-and we don't live in an area where there's antenna reception. Getting whiney or mouthy about doing chores simply makes it so they have more to do until they learn to do what's expected without complaint. Also-temper tantrums are a guarantee that they'll NEVER get the thing they're screaming for...ask Jessica. She's 12, and she STILL does not have a farm set she threw herself on the floor for at 3 years of age. She'll never get it either

[pattiewrites]

What behaviors are you trying to change? It's hard to answer without knowing specifics. Start with one or two behaviors at first. Then be very consistent with your child. She's only two, so gradually you will be able to expect more in terms of behavior. Not looking in your eye could be a sign that she is nervous and may not be a sign of disrespect. Kids really need to hear things over and over before they "get it". They will also test the limits to see if they change. For example, can they get away with something one day and not the next? If you are consistent with your expectations, she will come around.

I'll use the walking with your child on a busy street, since that was the most cited example used in the spanking thread. With my kids, the rule is that we always hold hands. That's it. That's the rule. Until they are able to comply with the rule willingly and without tantrums, they must ride in a shopping cart or stroller. When they think they are ready, we try. If it doesn't work out, it's back in the stroller. They must be safe. We talk about it later, when the tantrums and upset feelings are gone. We talk about safety and I explain to them why it is a rule. The key is that the expectation is the same, no matter what. In the last two weeks, we've had our four kids in DC and NYC. There were no incidents at all. Everyone stayed together, held hands and there were no behavior issues at all.

[twinzplus3]

Originally Posted by pattiewrites

In the last two weeks, we've had our four kids in DC and NYC. .

And you didn't come say 'hi'? I'm offended! Hmph!

[twinzplus3]

I think too you need to have age appropriate expectations. I once knew a parent who expected her child to sit through a meal without spilling or getting messy and the kid was little. It's fine to expect obedience. . .i.e. don't throw your mashed potatoes. . .but to expect perfect, spotless cleanliness is ridiculous. So see if the behavior that you're aiming for is appropriate for a 2yo and if it's appropriate for YOUR 2yo.

[pattiewrites]

No but I did think of you! We were there to see Hannah Montana! Ahh, the things we do for our kids!