[mcmama]

One of my co workers has just started caring for her mother in her home. Her mother is in the early stages of Alzheimers. It is very difficult, because although the woman has been there six months, she keeps insisting that it has just been two weeks and she needs them to take her to the airport so she can go home. My co worker is working full time and has teen age children and a sick husband. It is a lot to handle.

She knows she is going to need caregivers and support, she's been working with her mom's doctor and social services. But what can she do for herself to keep her own sanity? This is so hard for her to see her mom like this, and it is hard on the family too.

[dzblond]

I have worked with Alzheimer's patients, and even though, this may seem horrible, she might want to look into a nursing home that specializes in Alzheimers. As the illness progresses, she may find her mom wandering off, leaving the stove or oven on, or worse! Soon she will only remember her childhood and think that she is a little girl and want her mom. She may forget to wear clothes, or simply take them off and refuse to wear them! When looking for a nice place, check to see if they have alarms and servalence on the doors. See how the staff treats the patients..are they kind, caring?
It's not frowned upon, if she can't take care of her mom. It's very, VERY hard, and she needs to think of her mom's safety. For the mean time, see if she can't get someone familiar with the disease, to give her some time off.
My heart goes out to her and her family.

[tamasita]

My heart goes out to your friend as well! My dad passed away in 2002 after 5 years of struggling with Alzheimers (probably longer than that...but that's how long was noticable!). I was 22 when it started being apparant that this was more than normal forgetfulness that comes with age. Since I'm an only child and my mom passed away while I was young...I was pretty much it when it came to taking care of him. My mom's sister helped when she could but she lived about an hour away so it wasn't too often. My now mother-in-law is a nurse in a convalescent home, so she gave me lots of advice and came over to help too. I was in the mindset that no matter what my dad is not going in a nursing home....but, after a couple years, I realized that was the best thing for both of us. I first tried assisted living (basically an apartment with CNAs available to help with taking medicine, etc and meals and activities were provided.) The one I chose had a floor for those with dementia. This was ok for about a year, but then it became more than just his memory. He reverted back to childhood (like the above poster said) and would hit people that didn't do what he wanted. He had 'accidents' frequently and tried to hide them. They wouldn't let him stay there anymore, so I brought him home again. I was in college and about to get married, but I still thought I could do it. My now sister-in-law came and stayed with us and would take care of him while I was in class, but it got to be too much for all of us. So, I finally decided a nursing home was the best thing. I found one nearby that had a special section for Alzheimers patients. By that time he didn't realize what was going on, so it wasn't too big of an issue for him. It was hard for me, but I decided that it wasn't fair to him or myself for me to struggle trying to take care of him. I was especially grateful for my decision once it progressed to where he couldn't walk. He was 6'7 about 230 lbs....there's no way I could've lifted him alone.
Sorry for my rambling....but I would suggest a nursing home as well. In the meantime, she could check to see if there are day centers nearby. This could give her mother time to interact with others and particiate in activities and give your friend a break.

[ljs199]

My heart goes out to your friend.

I've been overseeing my Dad's care for three years. He is in the moderate to severe stages of Alzheimer's and requires assistance for all activities of daily living.

We started him in an assisted living center, and he is now in a nursing home. Like the poster above, I couldn't possibly lift him by myself.

It turns out that the nursing home meets his needs much better than the assisted living center did. They are better equipped and have better trained staff. Many of them are quite nice.

You might tell your friend to call several of the nicest local nursing facilities. Some of them offer respite care for caregivers. This is basically a chance to try out the facility without making a long-term committment (costs vary) and to give the caregiver a much-needed rest.

[BS65]

My mom is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's and in February we finally moved her to an Alzheimer's facility. Up until then she stay in her own home with full time care givers but soon that option was no longer the best solution for her.

For the first several years my brother and I went over often and helped her but we could only do "so much" because we are not trained and to be quite honest it is emotionally exhausting and very depressing to have to care for a parent that is declining with Alzheimer's. In no way does it mean you are being selfish or don't care for your parent but it is usually way too much for a family member to handle and keep their sanity. It takes a tremendous amount of sacrifice and time because a person with Alzheimer's is like a large baby again eventually. They need help with EVERY SINGLE THING POSSIBLE in the later stages. It is just too hard to have a 130 lb baby to care for, especially when that "baby" is your mother or father.

I have struggled with a lot of guilt and depression over my mom's illness but I came to the realization a year and a half ago that I in no way could take care of her in this way and continue to be an emotionally healthy adult. Alzheimer's doesn't just destroy the person who has it but is is a living nightmare for family members too...or can be if you try to do it all alone.

[Alejandros Mommy]

BS65 I am sorry to hear about your mom...I was partially in charge of the Alz. ward when I was working as a nurse...I can tell you that the families of the residents I took care of where the most loving people....It takes a lot of guts and love to realize that you can not look after your loved one. It is very emotional...more personal for me as my Dh's (dear hubby) family has a history of Alz. on the male side....You are right in so many ways...I can only tell you though that I LOVED taking care of Alz residents....it is true that it's sad to see the deteriorate...but they have a sense of reverting back to innocence...(not all mid you)

I hope that you and your family have support around you to help you get through this

[mcmama]

Yes, it is a team effort, especially in the advanced stages. And there is no shame in that.

My friend is still taking care of her mom, and it is becoming a real strain on her and everyone. So far she's still in a state of sometime confusion, so this may be a slight dementia related to other things, not necessarily alzheimers. It's a hard fact to face up to.

[swt1899]

I had two grandparents who suffered from Alzheimer's. We took care of my grandmother on my dad's side for as long as we possibly could till she had to go to a nursing home and then my grandfather on my mother side was taken care by his wife till she became ill herself and he had to go to a nursing home as well.
In going through all of this and watching, I can tell you that there will be good days and bad days. My grandmother would have a good day and know who everyone was and then she would have a bad day and not know anyone. My grandfather slipped in and out of 'being back in the military during WWII' and would call out commands and numbers much of the time.
My grandmother's relief was church. She had so many who cared for her there. The pastor came by on a weekly basis to see about her along with many of the women of the church. They took her to lunch or dinner or even treated her to her favorite... a blizzard from Dairy Queen.
It is the little things that help get you through this. Things that we take for granted. It is also a must that the care must be shared between kids and mom. I helped out as much as I could with my grandparents. I know if my dad was ill I would have done the same. Life isn't always simple, but having help from other really does make a difference.
Send my prayers to this family.

Originally Posted by mcmama

One of my co workers has just started caring for her mother in her home. Her mother is in the early stages of Alzheimers. It is very difficult, because although the woman has been there six months, she keeps insisting that it has just been two weeks and she needs them to take her to the airport so she can go home. My co worker is working full time and has teen age children and a sick husband. It is a lot to handle.

She knows she is going to need caregivers and support, she's been working with her mom's doctor and social services. But what can she do for herself to keep her own sanity? This is so hard for her to see her mom like this, and it is hard on the family too.

[QueenAngie]

There comes a time when these individuals w/ Alz can NOT be left home alone.
They require 24/7 constant supervision, just as a 2 year old requires.

There are adult daycare centers that will even do a pick up and drop off service M-F.
The other hospital in town has one. There are meals, activities, the staff will give medications as ordered, naptime. No government agency pays for this. It is all self-pay
and expensive. For some families, it works well.

Also in town, is one nursing center that has a locked Alz nursing unit where individuals live around the clock. It is a very scheduled environment and most of them like the routine.

My Dad, a retired minister, formerly visited one church lady in such an Alz nursing unit.
She never talked. When Dad would say the Lord's Prayer, she would state it word for word. That's the only time she would speak.

Music and prayers, Bible verses, many times come back to these dear individuals.

(((Hugs))) to those caregivers.

[Alejandros Mommy]

Also in town, is one nursing center that has a locked Alz nursing unit where individuals live around the clock. It is a very scheduled environment and most of them like the routine.

That's exactly how it was where I worked....It kept the residents safe....I remember a lady (that I knew becuase she once was a neighbor) always wanting to go home to get her dogs...if it wasn't for the lock system she would have gone owndering around and may have gotten out of the building and lost...I think that these locked areas are great ideas...when You are looking into a nrsg home for your alz...affected loved one...another thing to look for is recreational activities...the rec girls used to take some of the Alz residents to the senior center..and the musical therapist would come in, sing play the piano or ion his guitar...it was wonderful to hear the rezsidents singing to the songs