[yahyah]

My mother and I have always had a strained relationship,,, following most conversations with her, I realize I am emotionally exausted, extremely frustrated and/or sad or irate because she has let someone take advantage of her. She has a very high level of self imposed stress, and in my opinion an anxiety disorder. I have confronted her on numerous occasions about this from different angles (anxiety medication, nutrition, etc) and she is very stubborn and continues her behaviors.
Anyway, TODAY, I called her on my way home from work (we communicate often) and she got all worked up in a tone that sounded like she was yelling at me about an event on the news, and how a woman who pulled a prank "should have been shot" in her opinion. She went on for several minutes as I was on my way home and and I finally asked her to calmly to please calm down and she said she was merely talking to me with some emotion. I said that her tone of voice was upsetting and she said she wasn't upset and insists that her tone was appropriate. I then told her that when I speak to people like that, they think I am mad at them... and she kept going on and professed not to hear my words. I asked her if she heard me and she said she didn't know what I was talking about... I repeated the part about sounding like she was angry and so she went on to start "speaking in a monotone voice" and eventually I just hung up on her.... Is that so bad? How else do I get the point accross?
In MY EXPERIENCE, when I was younger when I used to get worked up like that - people used to to think I was mad at them and I learned to change my way of communication. Looking back, I probably learned that way of communicating as a child from her but learned as an adult that it was inappropriate for the "adult world" out there. Problem is that I can't get her to stop doing it to me. Every time I try to communicate with her she upsets me and makes me feel really bad. I don't like it and want her to stop.

[QueenAngie]

What a frustrating conversation w/ your mother!

Are you going to change her actions, her behavior, her speech?
No.
Only your mother can do that.
Apparently she is not going to change.

(((Hugs)))

The only thing you can control is your reaction to your mother's inappropriate behavior. That is what you can control.

She got 'your goat' and now you aren't too happy about it.
Your mother, accidently or not, knows how to get you irritated
and you let her do it.

I think that is what you are irritated about.

Nobody in this world can allow you to get angry/irritated/mad except for you.

Some families are really good at pushing the wrong buttons.

You have two choices.....
a) continue the conversation and not get upset in return
b) state the traffic is bad and you have to hang up.

(((Hugs)))

[poohsbrana]

I agree.
Your mother can only change if she WANTS to. You can tell her all you want, but she probaly thinks her way is right. Its the same with anyother problem. A drug addict > wants to change>rehab>works. A drug addict>doesnt want to chane>rehab>doesnt work. My mother and I, in a way, have the same problem.
I've just finally realized that i'm talking to myself when expressing my concerns with her. I'd just stop expressing my self while on the phone with her, and let her nag on about everything in her world until something comes up to where i hang up.
It sounds like your very fustrated, and I would be too in your position. The best thing to do is not to let her get you all worked up, and thats hard because it's your mother. Let it fly right over your head.
(hugS)
BranDi.

[yahyah]

Yeah.. She must "get something" out of her behaviour. I have followed your advice, withdrawing from the situations which I can see are about to produce a problem. So far it has worked very well. I plan to use the same type of procedure for my overly judgmental brother and father.

[QueenAngie]

Yahyah, you are a smart cookie!