[BBC]

I have been at wits end with my 38 year old daughter she has been divorced 2 times has 2 boys ages 14 and 16. For 2 years she has had a husband and a boyfriend at the same time.I finally put my foot down and told her I would have no part in this relationship.She would bring the boyfiend to our house sometime and other times show up with my son-in- law. It made me very uncomfortable I tried to tell her what she was doing in front of these 2 boys was so wrong and it would affect them relationship wise.She let me know it was none of my business how she lived her life she was tried of trying to please everyone and she was only going to please herself. I politely told her that was fine but not to do it in my presense any longer. We have not spoken or seen each other for quite a while. But i could not go along with this any longer. Was I wrong in putting my foot down or should I have gone along to get along? Someone please give me some advice please?

[MissyChrissy]

No, I think you were right to tell her not to bring it in front of you. She should respect your house and your wishes. My stepsister messed around while her hubby was in Iraq and not too many in the family let her bring the boyfriend over. We did the same thing you did.

People need to be held accountable for their actions. I don't tolerate that sort of behavior. If she wants the boyfriend, she should do the decent thing & just leave the husband.

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board, BBC!

Doesn't matter what age they are, a child will always be your child.

I do have to agree with Missy Chrissy here.
You did the right thing by putting your foot down to the boyfriend coming with to visit.
Allowing that in your home means that you condone and agree with her behavior.

Do you still get to see the grandsons?

Would she let you pick them up for a visit?

[BBC]

Originally Posted by QueenAngie

Welcome to the board, BBC!

Doesn't matter what age they are, a child will always be your child.

I do have to agree with Missy Chrissy here.
You did the right thing by putting your foot down to the boyfriend coming with to visit.
Allowing that in your home means that you condone and agree with her behavior.

Do you still get to see the grandsons?

Would she let you pick them up for a visit?

YES SOMETIMES JUST DEPENDS ON WHAT MOOD SHE IS IN WHEN I CALL FOR THEM TO GO WITH ME . I WILL NOT LET ANYTHING COME BETWEEN MY RELATIONSHIP OF THE BOYS THEY LOVE ME AND I LOVE THEM I WOULD WALK THROUGH FIRE FOR THEM THEY HAVE HAD ENOUGH GRIEF THEY HATE THAT THEY HAVE LIED TO THEIR DAD ABOUT THEIR MOM'S RELATIONSHIP WITH THE BOYFRIEND. WHICH I TOLD THEM IT WAS NOT THIER FAULT THEY WERE JUST DOING WHAT HEIR MOTHER TOLD THEM TO. THE WHOLE MESS JUST MAKES ME SICK. MAYBE MY BOYS ARE OLD ENOUGH THAT THEY WILL SURVIVE . BUT I DO FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE BEEN TAUGHT TO LIE AND CHEAT WHICH IS SOMETHING I DID NOT TOLERATE WHEN RAISING THERE MOTHER. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TALKING TO ME ABOUT THIS I DO KNOW I HAVE PUNISHED MYSELF BY PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN BUT I HOPE IN GOD'S EYES I DID THE RIGHT THING ALSO AND HE IS THE ONE I HAVE TO ANSWER TO IN THE END. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY DAUGHTER.
THANK YOU AGAIN

[QueenAngie]

BBC, sounds like you have a good relationship with those two grandsons.
They must be the sunshine in your life
and have a special place in your heart.

[BBC]

You Are So Right About That And I Need To Set A Good Example For Them So I Refuse To Fight Or Discuss The Situation Any Further With Their Mom. She Knows Where I Stand And Maybe Someday Will Come To Her Senses. I Will Just Keep Praying

[slygirrl]

I totally back what you did BBC! No offense but your daughter really sounds like she needs to grow up. I agree 100 percent that this could adversely affect the boys perception of what relationships are supposed to be like. I have a girlfriend who is a lot like your daughter and I am often concerned about her kids are going to grow up viewing this. I would just help to steer your grandsons in the right direction. I think by being angry with her for having to lie to their father they know it's wrong what she's doing, reinforcing that will probably help them to grow up and not turn out like her.

[charmed4412]

BBC Your daughter should have never done this out of respect for you and her boys!! I would have done the same thing you did!!I also agree with some of the others she needs to grow up...We can only bring our children up with all the right things they need, then they decide to be what they want to be when they are adults..None the less she should of never have gone that far and make you put your foot down!!she should have the respect to know you didn't bring her up that way..My hats is off to you..
Sissy

[Firespice]

I totally agree you were right to dictate what happens in your own home. If it makes you uncomfortable then don't let it happen in your house.

the only thing I would like to add ......... when you talk to her boys about the choses there mom makes say something like this. "I don't think what she is doing is right, and this is why ....... But remember she is your mother and my daughter and we will still love her and not judge her, only god can truly judge people." This will help teach the kids, and take off any pressure they may feel to judge her and take sides - cause that would put the kids in an even worse position.

We are taught to love the person, but we don't have to love the sin.

HUGS hope you are feeling better now.

suzie

[ginnipher]

Wait, is she cheating on him, or is the husband aware and fine with this relationship? Sorry I'm a bit confused. :S