[Tat2dBaldDude]

My wife and I have been together for over 2 1/2 years and were just married this past summer. We met in May, 2006. Since March of 2003, I have had 3 tattoos. One is a religious kanji symbol on my left bicep, one is a black panther on my right bicep and one is a flaming sun around my navel. None of them are offensive. When we met, my wife didn't seem to have any problem with my tattoos. If she did, she never mentioned anything to me. I have never, and do never, go around flaunting them, but if anyone walks up to me in public, whether it be a 4 year old child (I've had that one happen), a teenager or a 70 year old senior citizen, and they ask to see them, I've never hesitated to show them off.

She is a religious school teacher at a small religious high school (about 50 students). She also comes from a small town about 2 hours south of here where everyone knows everyone and everybody knows everybody's business, whereas I am a big city guy (born and raised in the second largest city in our state).

I've never had to hide my tattoos from anyone or at any place I've worked at, but I've always had to be EXTREMELY cautious with having them show around my wife's grandma. My wife has specifically suggested that I not have them visible in any way around her grandma saying "I don't think it's a good idea. Grandma might get upset". Her grandma is very old-fashioned and straight-laced (as are most of my wife's friends and people that her parents know).

I still remember the day (3 months into our dating period) I was sitting at her parents dining room table and her mom said "Sorry we have to do that, but it's just that Grandma...". The first thought in my mind was "Ohhhhhh ho ho! So, you people are ashamed of me or the choices I've made! Wow! Niiiice. Real nice."

My thought is, in those first three months, and specifically that day that I was sitting at that dining room table, they (my wife, her sister and her parents) knew what they were getting with me if my wife proceeded in the dating stage with me.

Ok, so you make the call. Is it understandable to any extent to ask me to comply with my wife's wishes or does it sound like her and her family are ashamed of me or the fact that I have tattoos?

[Momof2kids]

Wow, you sound like my brother but in our own family. We had an "elder" family member who didn't like tatoos and he had to hide them from her. It was more of a respectable thing and honor her wishes not to bother her with that such subject. Your wife and mil knew what they were gettting into, they problaby just don't want to hear it from "grandma". I know that in my family, it was just easier for my brother...who has alot of them...to cover them up. One the second hand, does she ask you to cover them up in public? Then I would think that she has a problem with the tattoos...

[JeanLynn81]

Really, I don't think its a matter of them being ashamed of you. You are going way too deep with this.

Its just some thing called respecting your elders. Yeah, I know, I know...its not as common anymore as it SHOULD be, but decent people still abide by it.

I think your wife and her parents are good people. They really like you, so they are trying to keep you on grandma's good side. Can't you see how nice that is of them?

ETA: Oh, and don't feel so bad. One drunken day (yes day, not night ) when I was 18, I let some guy I was dating talk me into getting a matching tattoo. Yeah well he wanted a Coupe Devil...and well...now I have a naked devil girl on my left arm that I have to hide from MY OWN FAMILY for all of eternity! My Catholic grandmother would probably lock me in a room and have priests pray over me day and night. So...I feel for you...its frustrating, but certainly not the end of the world to have to hide a few cool tats.

[Samual]

My parents don't like my partner purely due to his appearance, he has lots of tattoo's, unless they are all covered up, which is near impossible they always make very rude comments about them.

[mcmama]

What's their background. In some religions, tattoos are taboo.

[Tat2dBaldDude]

Well, here's a question about my wife's sister-in-law as it pertains to this situation. She has is a total sanitary/health FREAK who washes her hands 90 times a day, has NO tattoos at all, would NEVER even remotely consider getting a tattoo, has never even studied up or read up on them and has never seen a documentary on TV about them, but she makes it a point to remind anyone who she knows that has a tattoo/multiple tattoos that, by having that/those tattoo(s), they are now forever excluded from ever donating blood again or ever donating bone marrow. But the problem is, even if someone were to show her proof printed online that those claims aren't true, she would refuse to believe them.

Does she sound like a total hypocrite/know-it-all or can you see where she's coming from?

[Labhaoise]

Hmmm, in response to your second question I have absolutely no idea. I guess some people prefer to live in ignorance (am I correct in assuming that you can still donate blood etc once you've had a tattoo??As long as you used a clean needle etc)
But I do agree with what the others have said about trying to keep you on Grandmas good side. Sometimes keeping things like this quiet skips a whole lot of trouble. It doesn't seem to me that your wife is ashamed of your tattoos. This might sound harsh but eventually your wifes Grandma won't be around, and her family may just enjoy not having to worry about offending her, and keeping her happy so that they can have happy memories of her.

[Tat2dBaldDude]

Originally Posted by Labhaoise

Hmmm, in response to your second question I have absolutely no idea. I guess some people prefer to live in ignorance (am I correct in assuming that you can still donate blood etc once you've had a tattoo??As long as you used a clean needle etc)
But I do agree with what the others have said about trying to keep you on Grandmas good side. Sometimes keeping things like this quiet skips a whole lot of trouble. It doesn't seem to me that your wife is ashamed of your tattoos. This might sound harsh but eventually your wifes Grandma won't be around, and her family may just enjoy not having to worry about offending her, and keeping her happy so that they can have happy memories of her.

Yes, you are correct that you can definitely donate blood after having a tattoo. In fact, there is typically a 12-month waiting period after your most recent tattoo unless you had your tattoo done at a state-licensed studio. My studio has even given out vouchers in the past that clients can present to whoever is conducting the blood drive that they want to donate at. However, this is my problem. That explanation will simply NEVER fly with my wife's sister, because I know for a FACT that she will just smirk at me and say "That's not true. That's not true at all! I'VE never read that anywhere and I'VE never heard of that". She feels that something cannot be true if she has never found documented proof of it herself.

[browneyes01]

I don't think it has to do with them being ashamed of you it probably has to do with a respect issue for the older generation. But in the same breath it seems as though they are not respecting that you are an individual and tattoos don't you any make no less or a person then anyone else who doesn't have them. I personally think they are being ridiculous.

[JeanLynn81]

This reminds me of the saying "Choose your battles wisely."

I completely understand how aggravating it can be. I do. But this is not something you should worry too much about. There are people out there who hate tattoos. Some are scared of dogs, or the color white. My friend loves sushi and it makes me want to vomit.

My grandmother on my mom's side reminds me everyday that I need to lose weight. Or tells me she doesn't like the way I dress my daughter. Despite it all I still love her because she's family. And I still love my friend even when she has the bright idea to bring all the fixin's and make sushi in my house.

Save your energy for the big things.