[twinzplus3]

Today I wrote a blog about a couple I observed recently at a conference--she was so critical the poor guy could do nothing right. As my husband aptly pointed out, she was the reason he wouldn't help with the baby. I got a few comments on it so I thought I'd link it over here. I'm sure you ladies have lots of opinions just brimming to come out.

Are you overly critical of how dh does things? Or have you found a way to let the little things go?

[ruthann8]

If we would have had kids right away that would have been me. When we first moved in together I was always critical of everything my DH did. He was never wanted to do anything because He couldn't do it right (in my eyes). I have learned to let certain things go and he has learned to try a little harder. He also knows there just are certain things that I must do myself.

We recently had our first baby and he has been great. He has done ALL the cooking the past 5 weeks! A few weeks before the baby he had even prepared a bunch of meals and froze them. He helps with laundry, diapers, baths, trash, bathroom cleaning, vacuuming, etc. He has even been a great supporter/encourager of breast feeding, which is good, because I wanted to give up a few times due to shear exhaustion.

[QueenAngie]

A friend of mine has two grown daughters. She has told me that when their girls were young, babies, that her DH did not do much with them.
It was rather a surprise to hear this because he is a hands-on type of Grandpa.
You are so right. When she was a young mother, of the two girls, everything had to be 'just so' and 'just right'....so the dad was aligned to the sidelines during those years.

What a shame, because he is a great grandpa!

[twinzplus3]

My dh and I were talking about this. . .my big chore is laundry. I hate for anyone else to do the laundry. But otherwise, I'm pretty laid back. . .and I get lots of help in the form of dinners, some type of cleaning, dishes, baby baths, etc. The comments on the blog were really interesting as to women's motivations. . .I'm hoping one of those ladies will pop in!

[mcmama]

My ex used to "help". But because he was nuts, that meant he took over. He didn't do most things well - and then I got the blame for how the kids looked. (white shirts turned gray, etc). His response was that he couldn't help it if other people were "sexist". He could care less that the kids looked like they were wearing things that hadn't been washed. But he forbid me to do laundry, told me I should be grateful since his dad never did laundry, and I found myself correcting his laundry problems with bleach, prewash, and scrubbing at night when he was asleep. There were other things like that too - but to do "man stuff" around the house, he would not lift a finger. When he found me correcting things, he accused me of being a perfectionist. I am far from that.

Now that is an extreme way out example, but I think that we women fuss over these things because we are judged by them. If the house or the kids or the clothes aren't clean, well, she's just not a housekeeper. Or she's a bad mother. But if the kid runs around in a diaper all day getting dirty with daddy, well, isn't that special, daddy is so involved.

[ruthann8]

Originally Posted by mcmama

I think that we women fuss over these things because we are judged by them

That is very true. I am a perfectionist and I LOVE it when people say "your home is so clean" or my favorite "you are so organized" My mom is a perfectionist also and before she visits I go nuts making everything perfect. I think I am trying to make her proud of me?

[twinzplus3]

I'm totally not a perfectionist. I think I'm the antithesis of one. So my kids go out mismatched. . .but my dh wears shorts so really it's all a wash! (BTW, not bc I don't know how to match clothing but bc I let them choose their clothes if they particularly care to.) I care much more about what my kids & spouse think than my neighbors.

[Alejandros Mommy]

Originally Posted by twinzplus3

I'm totally not a perfectionist. I think I'm the antithesis of one. So my kids go out mismatched. . .but my dh wears shorts so really it's all a wash! (BTW, not bc I don't know how to match clothing but bc I let them choose their clothes if they particularly care to.) I care much more about what my kids & spouse think than my neighbors.

Ditto.

After all no one down the road is even going to care if your house was spotless.......your kids won't either....I want my kids to remember the fun we had together....What I remember most about my mum is her cleaning the house all the time. Not a memory I want my kids to have....I'd rather have memories of me baking with them or spending time with them.

Dh is the same..our house isn't spotless But it's not a complete disaster either.

[freebiefan]

Originally Posted by twinzplus3

I'm totally not a perfectionist. I think I'm the antithesis of one. So my kids go out mismatched. . .but my dh wears shorts so really it's all a wash! (BTW, not bc I don't know how to match clothing but bc I let them choose their clothes if they particularly care to.) I care much more about what my kids & spouse think than my neighbors.

when I stopped caring about what everyone else thought and focused on what my hubby and I thought, my life got so much easier. I am in school full time, he works full time, we have a 5 year old and a baby on the way, a dog and 2 cats. Plus each of us has a 45-60min commute each way. Our house is seldomly spotless and often the laundry or dishes will pile up before they get washed. I don't care what others think of our home because when hubby and I get time, we share the chores.

[twinzplus3]

Yeah. . .we share our chores too. . . and every one pitches in. If I have time I do like cleaning. . .similar to how I like to cook and cater. But if I don't have time I don't stress. Our house was disaster for about 18 months after the twins were born. It's starting again to be so that I'm not mortified if people come over. . .but it took awhile to recover.