[lene_hope]

Please....I don't know where to begin, its been such an up and down battle. My daughter was dating her high school sweatheart. He came from a different type of family. They were a hard working farming family, with little time to spend doing family things. They are a christian family and honor the sabith. Our family is very open very upbeat, fun, with lots of get togethers sometimes to many times a month. We are all together as a family several times throughout the month for BBQ's dinners, celebrating one anothers birthdays etc. Well..shortly after the marriage my daughter had changed she no longer wanted to go shopping or out to eat, or visit with her family, this was not my daughter. Then she became pregnant. I was elated! But things were still up and down. Now to date I have two wonderful gifts from God, my two grandsons. They are my life. Here is the issue. Her husband and his family will not speak to our side of the family unless spoken to first. They are so different that it is rather uneasy, not pleasent when they are around, I feel so out of place. My daughter rarely leaves the house only to go to work and to pick up the boys from the sitter ( the mother-in-law). I over heard a conversation while my daughter was on the phone with the mother-in-law several months ago. The mother-in-law said " don't be afraid to tell your family to stay away" WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??????? Now...as it stands the boys have colds and she has Quartined the house ....she sent out emails to all her side of the family, to not come over for visits for at least 2 weeks. When I called the other day to check on the boys to see how they were feeling, my daughter was laughing and chatting with her brother-in-law and sister-in-law and they were on their way to see the other grandparents and was not able to speak long enough to answer my questions about my grandsons. I am so confused my daughter and I have been so close and now we are not. Her husband is so rude, so non-hospitible, he doesn't help her with the boys, as it is the woman's place to take care of the house and the children. I see my daughter tired, as she works 40 hours a week just so the family can have medical insurance, because her husband calls himself " self employeed" I feel that he is alot of the issues. I need your prayers...........I don't know what to do. I have honored her wishes as this is not the first time she has pulled this trick. Now my husband wants to change our Will, As she is our only daughter and if something happens to use everything is hers. My husband is so upset with her actions and her rudeness, he wants her taken out of the Will, because he doesn't want their family to prosper if something should happen to us. Please pray for our family. I know with God all things are possible, I just want my daughter back again. I feel as if she is being brain washed.

[tmwhalens]

I am sorry to hear about this. Please answer this question, if you feel comfortable doing so: have you considered whether your daughter's family might be a part of a religious cult? I ask this, because my wife grew up in a religious cult. They are Christian-based, yes, but they are still a cult (Greater Grace, formerly Bible Speaks). And some of that side of the family (she and I are separated) tend to do very off-the-wall type things, like sitting on their rooftops crying until a sister calls them (my wife's sister did that to her). I pray that everything works out for you, your husband and your daughter.

[1stTimeMomOf2]

My prayers are with you during this difficult time. I know that the dynamics of relationships change after marriage and kids happen, mine did with my mom. We actually became closer because I wanted to learn to be a mom from my mom. I'm not sure what to make of your daughter's actions and it's a tough thing to give advice for because you only know your point of view. I hope that you can get through to her and explain how much you miss the relationship you had with her and you want it to be that way again. Good luck and again my prayers are with you.

[lene_hope]

Thank you both for your prayers and blessings to you and yours... I do know that my daughter's in-laws seem rather strange. CULT......I have attended church services with my daughter on several occasions, I don't think its "cult" like however, I know that the pastor preaches very differently than I am used to. We are christian's and he speaks of politics and actually instructed the congragration as to how to vote, which I thought that was well out of his expertise......I felt as if he was trying to sway people to vote as he would......talks about the fighting overseas, and how the government is ignoring it rather than trying to do something about it. I feel very uncomfortable with that type of preaching.

[mcmama]

Yeah, I left a church like that. I just wasn't left wing enough for salvation.

How are your grandchildren now? Are they healthy?

As for the will, maybe you and your husband can set up trusts for the grandchildren, and bypass the parents. Appoint someone you have a good relationship with who has good sense about this sort of thing as the trustee/executor in the event of your deaths.

Does no good to flap about the will, just creates drama and makes life more difficult.

I have a friend whose father won't give them any money, and doesn't want to leave them any, but he has set up trusts for each of the grandkids - money to be used for college, etc. Lots of rules.

[tmwhalens]

In my opinion, if you are a Believer any church that isn't inspired by the word of God, but rather stuff like politics, what was on television, etc. is much closer to being a cult than anything else. Who's doing the leading in that church? God, or the voting poll?

[lene_hope]

Thank you both for your points. I apreciate all the comments I can get just to try to determine where me head is right now. I know where my heart is and I have to make some sort of decision. I love my daughter and grandson's more than my own life, and I can't imagine what my life would be like without them. But, it seems as if that is the way my life is headed. Where have we gone wrong? We were very loving partents, very spiritial, very supportive of the decisions she had and things she was interested in and helped her to fullfill her dreams and desires. Did we do to much? I see my daughter " doing without". They have food, there house is full of furnature that our family had given them, as well as all her appliances. Each time my daughter became pregnant, I was a " shopping crazy woman" toys, clothes, baby furnature, lotions, diapers, oh yeh, We bought diapers for the first year when my grandson was born, that wasn't cheap! I continue to shop thrift stores, garage sales, bargan stores, sales.........for my grandsons and daughter. I can't get her to go shopping with me to buy a new pair of shoes, she shoes are terrouble, the same shoes she had when she lives at home, 5 years ago. It breaks my heart. I try to provide as much as I can to make her life and my grandsons's life easier and happier. The husbands family has yet to offer any assistance. I take that back they bought a nice swing set for the boys, but it is at their house, for the boys to play on when they are there. Wish I had the same luxury........I rarely get to see my daughter and grandsons. We live maybe 8 miles away from each oher. She has choosen a path in life that is out of our rehlm of thinking. She was never raised to be mean hateful and erogent. Her husband is all of that. Just down right RUDE. She is taking on his charitistics. This is not our daughter at all.

[InspiringNana]

I feel so sad for you and your husband in the situation that you face. Have you talked with your daughter by herself, and asked her why she has changed when she used to be close, and how it hurts you so bad.
Here is a poem I wrote and maybe in some way it can help you as you face this trial.
Mary

When Our Heavenly Father Says “NO”
(Tune: Just as I am)

O Child of MINE, will you not hear,
The message that I bring to you?
If I say “NO”, that does not mean
That I, don’t love you, love you so.

No, it just means, a better plan
I lovingly have prepared for you;
So, stop and think of what that means
To have your FATHER think of you.

When I say “No”, you have a choice
To think you’re right, or trust in ME;
E’en when you do not understand
Why I have chosen to say “No’.

The very GOD of everything,
Has made a plan that fits just you;
It’s not to hurt but draw you close
To ME, the ONE who loves you so.

Do you believe that I am right?
In all decisions that I make?
For I alone do place the pieces
Of, your life, to fit just right.

You might not understand MY ways,
But let ME choose what’s right for you;
Don’t ask ME “Why” instead respond
“What do you want me now to do?”

In all your trials and your needs
Just bring them to ME now, I plead;
For I alone will care for you
And in the days that lie ahead.

Mary Bachert
Copywrited January 24, 2009

[QueenAngie]

Beautiful poem! You have a gift!