[lene_hope]

Please....I don't know where to begin, its been such an up and down battle. My daughter was dating her high school sweatheart. He came from a different type of family. They were a hard working farming family, with little time to spend doing family things. They are a christian family and honor the sabith. Our family is very open very upbeat, fun, with lots of get togethers sometimes to many times a month. We are all together as a family several times throughout the month for BBQ's dinners, celebrating one anothers birthdays etc. Well..shortly after the marriage my daughter had changed she no longer wanted to go shopping or out to eat, or visit with her family, this was not my daughter. Then she became pregnant. I was elated! But things were still up and down. Now to date I have two wonderful gifts from God, my two grandsons. They are my life. Here is the issue. Her husband and his family will not speak to our side of the family unless spoken to first. They are so different that it is rather uneasy, not pleasent when they are around, I feel so out of place. My daughter rarely leaves the house only to go to work and to pick up the boys from the sitter ( the mother-in-law). I over heard a conversation while my daughter was on the phone with the mother-in-law several months ago. The mother-in-law said " don't be afraid to tell your family to stay away" WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??????? Now...as it stands the boys have colds and she has Quartined the house ....she sent out emails to all her side of the family, to not come over for visits for at least 2 weeks. When I called the other day to check on the boys to see how they were feeling, my daughter was laughing and chatting with her brother-in-law and sister-in-law and they were on their way to see the other grandparents and was not able to speak long enough to answer my questions about my grandsons. I am so confused my daughter and I have been so close and now we are not. Her husband is so rude, so non-hospitible, he doesn't help her with the boys, as it is the woman's place to take care of the house and the children. I see my daughter tired, as she works 40 hours a week just so the family can have medical insurance, because her husband calls himself " self employeed" I feel that he is alot of the issues. I need your prayers...........I don't know what to do. I have honored her wishes as this is not the first time she has pulled this trick. Now my husband wants to change our Will, As she is our only daughter and if something happens to use everything is hers. My husband is so upset with her actions and her rudeness, he wants her taken out of the Will, because he doesn't want their family to prosper if something should happen to us. Please pray for our family. I know with God all things are possible, I just want my daughter back again. I feel as if she is being brain washed.

[paitence]

??? there must have been something to argue about between yourself you husband and your in Laws no? in the first place for all this? you say they come form a DIFFERENT TYPE of family?? like how different? then they may feel looked down upon by you, dont you think?

This is the point your daughter has chosen what she likes, not your marriage, your daughter may feel you are interfering to much, she may feel easier around her new relatives, and this may make you feel jealous>> who knows..

So your issues are about others getting your will now?, what about your grandchildren and their own future would you not want them as innocent parties to do well in life after you have gone? why dont your place money into a trust? simple, Because if you don"t have a will, were else would your worldly things go to? perhaps place your will then to a charity? or Animal shelter.. but the focus should be on more positive communication, it takes ore than one side.

We can see more than one side, here, as there always is... as any ones will can be use as a toll to also get what they want form all this, you feel this would help?

Your daughter how old is she? she has choices I suppose , and so no doubt she will contac you soon inthe future inher time? she may feel alot of pressure form all sides as non hear can see or hear her side how your daughter feels, Goodness just ask her staight out.

Unfortunately she is a grown woman that has made her own choices. The more pressure you place, specially placing threats of wills not going to her over her head, will no doubt only wedge further bitterness. You say you feel she is brain washed, like how?


Grandparents, daughter, grandchildren... and no communication, Its your daughter that may be caught in the middle of all this and her own children in the end.

I think you and her new in laws should set a example to following , and not use wills, or anything else to play power games.
Pray for this.um its simple tell your daughter how you feel straight away, because she may not see eye to eye with you, its because she is her own woman, grown up big girl, but still she may be just your little girl in your own eyes, and you feel you are losing her? so you just guess she is been brain washed? um die she say she doe not love you any more? I say carry one with your life, and allow in her own time to get back to you, you just amy unintentionally be pushing her away, talking about wills etc? this she may see as a control thing to. Good luck but all this sounds so very avoidable.

As in laws pulling back and forth for their siblings own affections here. Good if both side of the In laws work together.

[paitence]

PS: Can see simple breakdown of communication,work on this and your prayers shall be answered.

As their are some things you say WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??? in conversation between ph calls and others, How would we know, Why don't you ask them adult to adult?

As you may be reading far to much into this. This is a conflict between yo and them ( pity your daughter and her children) as you are talking about Wills in the end.

Other than children having bad colds, been sick etc,,, unfortunate reality, if your daughter want to freely stay away then its her choice. ANd perhaps her in laws just helping her find her own voice, lots of things viewers dont know, but do hope all adults can see how this could be effecting the grandchildren seeing all this happening.

Not taking any one side , how could any one, this is all up to the Adult In laws of the family wish you all well for grandchildren sake. Life is to short. ao who cares about monetary or material things.

[lene_hope]

Thank you for the objective opinion. It is very important for me to hear and outside opinion to look inside of myself to determine what I can do better verse the other party. You are right about the power of the "Will" , and I can see exactly how my husband felt when his father said and did exactly the same thing to him when we were married and when/he did not follow his fathers directions all the time. So...I see where this is coming from and will speak to him about this. My daughter married this man because he said if she didn't he would kill himself, I told her to talk to his mother about it and his mother made her feel as if it was all her fault / or she made up the story, I do not know to this day if his mother ever discussed the comment with him. I feel that she has married him out of pitty. The entire family is not friendly, however if you approach them first and say hello, or give them a hug them they will speak. We do not speak down to them, We are no better than anyone else. We have have bills just like the next person. But there is something ....The only thing I can think of is...we changed the dinner menu at the wedding, with my daughter's permission to add chicken, and did not mention that to the other family. Which was not an issues since we paid for the wedding . But that has been several years ago. Our family have never been anything but kind to these people. Like I said we have family get-togethers all the time and they are invited, but they never come. They are hard working people, I have nothing against that and I try to blend into their conversations of farming, what little I know, and they act as if it is a chore to answer or correct my comments, so I just leave the room feeling like a big idiot trying to fit in. I can not except your comment about my daughter choosing that lifestlye over her previous life style. It makes no sense. Our family vacationed, went places did things, visited relatives, my daughter loves to fly, loves to dress up and go to really nice resturants. The first year she was married she got her choice of the resturant she wanted to go to for her birthday dinner. ( I knew she would choose this resturant her favorite as he has always choosen it in the past) She chose the nicest upscale resturant in our area. It is a 5 star resturant and it takes at least 2 -3 hours to finnish a meal. Needless to say we did not take her to the resturant of her choice for her birthday as her husband told her that we could just drop him off at the nearest McDonalds and pick him up after we were finnished. This is the type of behavior /rudeness that we hear so often from him as well as his family. Like I said his family are always welcome in our home....always invited to family functions, and we have never received a invitation to any family function they may have. Heres another example............Christmas this year was a big year for my grandson's , the oldest being 18 months loved to open gifts and play with everything before opening another gift, it was amazing to watch him. Picture this.........Here is my daughter siting on the floor assisting my grandson to open his gifts and her husband sitting in a chair watching not assisting at all acting as if it were a chore to hand my daughter the gifts to open for his son. Then out of his mouth came......." oh look at all this "JUNK" My son-in-law is an educated man........this is when I said "JUNK" He had nothing to say after that. I want the very best for my daughter and m y grandson's what parent or grandparent wouldn't but this is something I have been praying about and do not know where to go with this.The quarintine has his name written all over it.......I really do n't feel at all that this is something that my daughter would have iniciated at all. And again the conversations with her mother-in-law telling her to not be afraid to tell her family to stay away...... this was the day she brought my first grandson home from the hsopital. i heard the entire conversation as my daughter had her phone of speaker. Are they afraid that we my influence our grandsons on a way of life that has nothing to do with farming? I would have never ever in my life told my family to stay away when my daughter when she was born...........again this not my daughter. please pray for us...I don't know what to do or say to my daughter anymore...

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board!

Am certain you are a lovely person.
Reading through your posts,
sounds like the will/money and power are at stake here.
Neither are healthy in a family relationship between 3 generations.

Best not to mention the will/money with your daughter.
It's not right.

Simply because their lifestyle is farming and yours is in a city,
does not make for difficulties.
If you feel the need to educate yourself on farming, the internet
is a good place to start. Do a google search.
At least, you would feel more knowledgeable of farming.

Sounds like your son-in-law is a farmer. They work hard.
He should have a lot of muscles from all that work
as the farmers I know are not lazy,
and most put in 10 - 12 hour days.

Around here, the state designates farms that have
been in the same family for 100 years with a
special plaque...usually the family places it in a stone
and has a lovely landscaping area around it
to denote the significance of the family farm.


Perhaps the cold guarantine occured after issues from the Christmas party.

Sometimes it is helpful to just bite your tongue
and smile when the "junk" comments occur.
I have to say personally, it would irk me to no end.

But, if it is a choice between biting your tongue
and being able to see your daughter, grandsons,
I would certainly keep quiet.

Maybe it's time you had a small family gathering
with the other grandparents, your daughter & her family.
Just a friendly gathering. No gifts. No talk about wills/money.
Just getting together to eat.
Not certain, but it would be nice if it could be 'at the farm.'
It would be a step in the right direction.

Prayers for all of your family.

Wishing you all the best.

[lene_hope]

Thank You For Your Post. I Have 3 Sisters And A Brother..and My Mother That I Have Discussed This With. We Are All In Agreement That I Have Not Lost My Mind..yet..! We All Have Had The Same Experiences With My Daughter's Husband And All Feel The Strain From My Daughter As Well. My Husband Farms Too.....we Live In The Country . We Were Never Raised On A Farm. This Is The Reason I Have Some Knowledge But Not Well Versed In Farming. I Agree That A Family Get Together Would Be Nice, But They Have Been Invited Numerous Times And Will Not Attend. I Also Agree That The Will Should Not Be Mentioned As Well. I Just Found Out My Sister, Single Never Married ,was Thinking The Same Thing About Her Will. We Would Rather Leave It To The Grandson's /nephews Rather Than The Family Benifit From It. This Is Breaking My Heart, The Way She Is Acting. It Seems As If Now Its Not Just Me That She Has Been Short With But Other Members Of My/our Family As Well. I Just Can't Understand It. She Was Never Raised This Way, But She Seems As Though Her Husbands Side Of The Family Is What She Wants. Is She Trying To Fit In? And By Trying To Do So Is It Possible That She Has To Write Off Her Family? *** Don't Forget The Conversation With The Mother-in-law " Don't Be Afraid To Tel Your Family To Stay Away" Is It Possible That My Daughter Is Living A Lie? Is She Hiding Something?

[2girls]

You know your daughter best. Chances are that you have spent more time with her than anyone else in her lifetime.
If you think that something isn't right, you may be on the right track.
Go with your gut.
Maybe you need to talk to her in a private setting and tell her how you feel, how you feel isolated, and uninvolved in her and her boy's lives.
If she is hiding something, maybe she'll open up to you then?
It can be suggested that she made this choice, etc. But if this guy threatened to kill himself if she left him, it's possible he could be verbally abusing her in other ways as well.
There are always two sides to one story and we obviously don't know all of the details, but I believe that you should always go with your gut.