[JRTowner]

Hmm, not sure if anyone can help me but last week I split from my partner of four years, we did not live together (there was always some reason why we couldn't) but had now begun to look for a house and think about moving forward. Anyway last week he said I can't make any commitment to you where I naturally said that's it then. Since then I have seen him once and he says he thinks he has Asperger's syndrome - been looking at info from the web and is apparently a classic case - and that's the reason why he can't make any commitment. says he still loves me but can't ever make a commitment to anyone or thing apart from his job. I've looked up the syndrome myself and he does fit a lot of the symptons. In fact over three years ago I had said I thought he had a type of autism as I do work with some children who have it.
Well not sure why iposted,just wondered if anyone has had anything similar happen?

[chelloz]

I do know a guy whose son has this same problem and he fears that his son will never have a relationship because of aspergers. He has been seeking help groups for his son. Maybe you could be a friend to this person and find support groups for him to attend you never know maybe he would come back to you.

[beth]

Hi, I have written a series of blogs on adults with Aspergers that you may find helpful. You can read about the difficulties involved in relationships where one partner has Asperger's here.
Best wishes, Beth

[Samual]

The symptoms can fit a plethora of things, he needs to go to the doctors.

[Pharmgirl]

Originally Posted by JRTowner

Hmm, not sure if anyone can help me but last week I split from my partner of four years, we did not live together (there was always some reason why we couldn't) but had now begun to look for a house and think about moving forward. Anyway last week he said I can't make any commitment to you where I naturally said that's it then. Since then I have seen him once and he says he thinks he has Asperger's syndrome - been looking at info from the web and is apparently a classic case - and that's the reason why he can't make any commitment. says he still loves me but can't ever make a commitment to anyone or thing apart from his job. I've looked up the syndrome myself and he does fit a lot of the symptons. In fact over three years ago I had said I thought he had a type of autism as I do work with some children who have it.
Well not sure why iposted,just wondered if anyone has had anything similar happen?

I have had a failed relationship with a boyfriend three months ago where he decided we weren't meant for each other because I was "too emotional". He could not emotionally open up to me and he apparently blames me because when i asked him why, he said I should look within myself for the answers! Okay so all of this happens and I'm hurt because I love him and we've tried all kinds of relationship books with nothing but frustration b/c they never described anyone that had problems with emotions. Here I am trying still to figure out why our relationship failed and I'm on my knees crying at the altar at church begging for answers from God. Then the following week a sudden idea comes to mind about a disorder I heard about years ago...Asperger's...and I look up the symptoms online. Well, my jaw just fell open and I gasped! WOW! My kind, gentle, never gets angry, laid back, piano-playing, blank staring, monotone voice, has no friends, emotionally unavailable ex...was being described! I am so very positive of his diagnosis. Now I struggle with the decision to tell him or not. I've tried to remain friends with him, and I still love him and want him to get all the help he can in understanding why he has so many problems with relationships. Should I tell him? I really struggle also to decide if I do try to help him ,would I want to be in a relationship with him?? Mostly b/c of the potential problems with raising children together. Also, could he learn to mimic the things I need to feel loved? Like smiling at me when he sees me, holding me when I cry, telling me he loves me? Would he ever believe me that my emotional outbursts were frustration caused by not knowing he has Asperger's and not my true self as he believes?

[beth]

Would you be happy with "mimicked" emotional reactions?

If your ex truly has Asperger's then you would have to accept him as he is. And your concerns about relating with any potential children you may have together are very real.
You can read more about adults with Asperger's on my Families blogs here

[aspartner]

Was recently seeing a man who seemed very weird in his responses, lack of reciprocation, etc which describes some of the attributes of
AS. I haven't touched on my "diagnosis" with him yet. I don't want to scare him by telling him...was wondering if anyone has been in this situation before? The more I learned about AS, the more compassionate I was feeling towards him as I could understand that his behaviour shouldn't be taken personally.

[gaby12]

Um, sounds a lot like my father, and explains why he has NEVER shown any emotions to us... Told me he loved me one time - at my wedding. Anyone know what percentage of the population this affects? Just wondering, all of my fathers siblings seem to have these difficulties with their families. I hear a lot of stories from my cousins.

[beth]

Hi Gaby,
Asperger's disorder is present more often in males than females, and is roughly estimated to occur between 5 and 36% per 10,000 people. Many individuals go undiagnosed, particularly adults, although there is a trend among children to be overdiagnosed at present. Certainly, there seems to be a genetic componet to this disorder, and therfore one of the diagnostic tools used is the presence of Asperger's or mild Asperger-like traits in the extended family. There are other conditions that mimic Asperger's so, as with any medical condition, it is important to obtain a diagnosis from a professional. Hope this helps. Best wishes, Beth.

Originally Posted by gaby12

Um, sounds a lot like my father, and explains why he has NEVER shown any emotions to us... Told me he loved me one time - at my wedding. Anyone know what percentage of the population this affects? Just wondering, all of my fathers siblings seem to have these difficulties with their families. I hear a lot of stories from my cousins.

[chio88]

Originally Posted by beth

Would you be happy with "mimicked" emotional reactions?

If your ex truly has Asperger's then you would have to accept him as he is. And your concerns about relating with any potential children you may have together are very real.

I agree.