[pawsitiveconcepts]

My problems with my family started before I was born, even before my parents met eachother. When my mother was a child she was singled out to reveive the brunt of all the physical and emotional abuse in the household. Growing up, her 2 sisters watched their father belittle, invalidate, and downright emotionally abuse her nearly through her entire childhood. Years later with the birth of my older sister, the constant critisism fired up full bore when my sister was diagnosed as being legally blind. She beleived it to be best for my sister to be raised with a strong sense of independance and my mother did everything in her power to nurture her as an individual and not to allow her to be raised as if something were "wrong" with her. My mothers entire family dissagreed, and thought my sister needed to have everything handed to her, and everything done for her too. My moms marriage with my older sisters father ended and a few years later my mom ended up marrying my father, who turned out to be a narssicstic man just like my grandfather. By this time my mother had nearly been disowned due to her familys "discust" in her parenting beleifs, and the situation was only worsened when everyone discovered the many flaws of my father. It was around this turn of events that I was conceived. By this time, my father and my mothers family hated eachother with a passion, and it was soon assumed that I was going to be "just like my father."
The 9 months past and I was born. My dads innability to keep a job kept him at home to raise me the first 3 years of my life. Subsequently I didn't spend much time with my mothers family. The only times I saw them was when they would visit my sister in our home, or when they picked her up to take her out. My father soon split, leaving me and my mom for his mistress at the time and my mom was forced to beg her parents to babysit me while she was at work. The same month my dad left, my sister moved away to go to the school for the blind for a year. That was also the same month my grandfather started molesting me. From that point on until I was 12 my grandfather set me up to appear to be a malicious, lying deviant child unworthy of love from the rest of the family. Everyone happily abliged. I spent the next 9 years enduring emotional abuse fromboth grandparents, my sister who learned to use her pedistol of gold for evil, my aunts and father when I would visit him. My mother didnt realize the severity of the emotional abuse I was enduring until my first emotional meltdown. I have been fighting to protect myself ever since. I am 22 now and still struggling to understand how and why I was singled out and attacked so many times by so many adults as a kid. I am now working with at risk youth as an outdoor leadership instructor, and have the change to help others in simular situations. Althought I'm finding it is soo much easier to reach out and help others, and much harder to internalize those things you beleive.
I'm just very confused still and am dying to hear someone elses story that is simular to mine. I just need to feel like I am not to only one this has happened to.