[cocotbo]

I'm not Jewish, so I have to ask...
It bothers me a little that there really are no rites of passage for American youth when they become teens. I once heard a young man talk about how he had to do a volunteer project (among other things) before his Bar Mitzvah. The way he described his work toward his Bar Mitvah made me think that maybe this was a good thing that every kid should do. After all, if they want to be adults, it only makes sense that we might ask them to prove (to us and themselves) that they have something important to give to society. This strikes me as similar to the process of becoming an Eagle Scout.
Does anyone have enough knowledge on the subject to share some information here?

[mcmama]

There are some Christian churches that have service projects as part of confirmation class. We are not Jewish either, but I have Jewish people in my family and have attended a fair number of Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. I used to work as a school secretary at a Hebrew school many years ago. There is a good deal of emphasis on understanding and practicing one's faith with maturity. The "mitzvah" (good action for both social and religious practices) is very important to this growth. Bar/Bat Mitzvah instruction is often highly individualized, and I think that is one of it's strengths - celebrating the passage of a child into a mature adult who practices an adult faith and tradition.
And the party is lots of fun.
There is a book which might help you to understand various mitzvot (plural of mitzvah). It is called It's a Mitzvah!: Step-By-Step to Jewish Living. There are varying opinions about it, but it is a good first step for someone who is not Jewish to learn and understand.

[PearlyWrites]

Hi Lisa,

As a practicing Jew and spending many hours teaching history, ethics, and Bar Mitzvah lessons to hundreds of children, (if I hear Bar-choo Eht....one more time), I have to say it depends upon the area. I know in the Tri-state area, many high schools will require a certain amount of public service hours before graduation which can be started in freshman year.

The main focus of becoming a Bar (male) or Bat (female) Mitzvah is turning the age of 12 for girls and 13 for boys as symbolizing their life into the teenage years. Many people think and teach that the celebration is becoming an adult. Once a person becomes a Bar Mitzvah, it gives them permission to approach the Bima (platform) and be called to the Torah anytime to take an Aliyah (prayer). Before the Bar Mitzvah, a person is not called to the Torah and cannot participate in the service except from their seat. This is a very big deal for children as they see thir parents and siblings allowed to go up.

There is a lot more which can be explained but only in the recent years has doing service hours been incorporated into the BM. If anything, Tzedakah (charity) should always be done and Mitzvots every day throughout our entire lives so doing service hours for a year before becoming a Bar Mitzvah is nice but does not really follow the tradition.

I hope this explains some of your questions and if you have any more, please feel free to ask. I grew up in a very Conservative synagogue and learned Hebrew very easily. Then I began teaching children at age 13 how to read and sing from the Torah. I was a Hebrew School teacher for 15 years and took a break last year to pursue my writing. I met my husband who was raised Modern Orthodox, born in Israel, and went to Jewish day school. If we both can help with any questions, we are more than willing to answer.

Of course we now both decided to be conversative but being raised differently, we do have our disagreements about certain aspects of the religion but don't we all

(I asked for decaf coffee and somehow was given regular.)
Have a good night!
Lisa

[cocotbo]

Ah-ha!
Thanks, Lisa. I get it now and it makes a whole lot of sense!
So is this really a significant rite of passage for a child? I grew up Catholic and I remember when all the kids I went to school with were going to Confirmation Classes. It was a major annoyance to them and once they were "confirmed" by the church they weren't any different. Some even became bigger jerks.

Do you suppose the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is more significant?

-Lisa

[PearlyWrites]

Hi Lisa,

I would like to say that becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a rite of passage. Does it change a teenager inside? This really all depends on the individual child. I have encountered children who were so excited for the day and took it to heart where they truly grew up to become great young adults. Others didn't change, and others never stepped foot into a synagogue again. Honestly, it really depends on the child.

I hope this helped a little.
Thanks!
Lisa

[cocotbo]

Originally Posted by PearlyWrites

I would like to say that becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a rite of passage. Does it change a teenager inside? This really all depends on the individual child. I have encountered children who were so excited for the day and took it to heart where they truly grew up to become great young adults. Others didn't change, and others never stepped foot into a synagogue again. Honestly, it really depends on the child.

I hope this helped a little.
Thanks!
Lisa

It helped a lot. Thank you.

You said it depends on the child, but I can't help but wonder if it really isn't more the parents' doing. If we, as parents, show our children by example how important religion is to us, and they respect us, then aren't we teaching them (in the best way possible) to value religion every day?

Of course, the catch is that we have to instill a sense of respect in our children (not fear), earn their respect and then actually practice our religion for them to see. Sadly, those are three things that many parents can't be bothered with in today's society.

[heritagemom]

Our church has a program both for male and female youth. At the age of 8 they can volunarily take part in a program called "Duty to God" which helps them set goals and do service, learn gospel principles and learn to behave in a reverent and appropriate manner. Boys also enter into cub scouts at this point and later boy scouts. Girls from 8-12 participate in a bi-monthly "activity" day which can center around basic skills like first aid and crafts or be spiritually centered. They set goals, work on their Duty to God projects and can earn a certificate and a pin when they finish the program. At 12, the young men and women begin a formal program that focuses on setting goals, developing spiritual, mental, physical qualities that bring them closer to God and understanding their divine worth. The young men are encouraged to complete their Eagle Scout certification and the Young Women end their program after 6 years, if they have met their goals and completed several 20 hour service projects.

And while there is no guarantee that the "inner child" is changed, it's comforting to know that leaders and teachers other than ourselves as parents are reinforcing good qualities, being examples of kind and generous living, and that our kids are reporting to and being held accountable by a strong circle of people who love them. These programs teach the kids to set goals, understand that life is a constant progression and that there is something to be learned and gained at every phase of life, and that "walking the walk" is as important as the talk part.

[cocotbo]

Originally Posted by heritagemom

Our church has a program both for male and female youth. ... These programs teach the kids to set goals, understand that life is a constant progression and that there is something to be learned and gained at every phase of life, and that "walking the walk" is as important as the talk part.

Wow!! What a great program!
I've been so turned off by by the Catholic Church (in which I was raised) that I haven't yet managed to actually "shop" for a church. Don't get me wrong, I'm a very spiritual person. I pray morning and night, read scripture and consider myself to have a great relationship with God but I just can't get up the nerve to walk into a church. Knowing that a church had a youth program like that just might make me take the leap.

[heritagemom]

Cocotbo, I'm a member of the LDS church and I LOVE what their programs do for my children. They also have the world's largest women's organization called the "Relief Society" that does a myriad of things as well. They plan and execute humanitarian projects, have a monthly meeting with a lesson and activities that help the women make friends, work together, and develop home and family skills, organize meals for shut ins, new moms, and the sick, and have a program that assigns each woman two other sisters to come and "visit "each month to see how she's doing, help out if needed, and offer support and a spiritual message. (The men have a similar program of monthly visiting each family to check and see if they are ok or if they have needs that aren't being met etc.) It's truly a blessing to have a "family" mentality and to feel like you have people to turn to when you need them. When I was a single mom, my "visiting teachers" (the women) made sure I had food, and clothing for the kids and offered to babysit or help me out when I needed help. The "Home Teachers" (the men) assigned to my family would hang christmas lights, do home repair, and by miracle (or divine intervention) one of them owned a carpet cleaning business and I had this one windowwell that would fill with water during our weird summer DOWNPOURS and he would come over, suck out the water that bled into my family room carpet, clean the carpet, and then leave his huge industrial fans overnight to dry my carpet...all without cost. I had to chuckle when I heard through the grapevine that he has purchased the house I used to live in...at least he knows about that window!!

Keep in mind that people are human, and even in a great church or congregation, you are going to find people who aren't perfect examples of what is preached. If you love God, and have a great relationship with Him, you are far better off than a lot of people will ever be. Let HIM guide you towards a spiritual congregation and ask Him to lead you to those who are honest in heart. The truth is the truth, even when people can't be what they should be.

[cocotbo]

Originally Posted by heritagemom

Let HIM guide you towards a spiritual congregation and ask Him to lead you to those who are honest in heart. The truth is the truth, even when people can't be what they should be.

Wow! What an amazing community you belong to!
When one's religion is so much a part of their lifestyle, as yours appears to be, it must certainly make the religious rites of passage far more significant for children and adults alike. It sounds wonderful!