[swt1899]

I was reading through some of the other threads, but couldn't really find one that matched my situation.
I had Robert 7 weeks ago. I'm a teacher and am off during the summer so I am just caring for Robert and the house. It's a busy life, but not as busy as when I was also teaching. Since Robert was born we have made love twice.
Last night my DH wanted to talk about our lack of intimacy. We are affectionate in other ways beside the bedroom, but I saw what he was getting at. He feels neglected and scared that I don't find him attractive. I told him that isn't the issue. I am just NOT thinking about it or am ever really in the mood. He says that I need to make the conscious effort to do something about it. But I can't make myself get into the mood. I have no idea what's wrong with me. I'm like "BLAH" all the time. I'm in mommy mode I guess and don't ever think about it.
I asked if he wanted to go talk to someone about it, but he wasn't really up for that. He wanted to try and take care of things here at home 1st. I'm not sure where to start with helping to make things better. He is really hurt that I am not wanting to be intimate with him. I cried several tears last night when I found out how much he was hurting. I feel so bad about this. Is this all mental or physical or both?
Anyone have any advice or ideas???

[Alejandros Mommy]

Have you tried to 'go with the flow' even if your not in the mood? You may be surprised to find that you get into the mood for intimacy this way.

[twinzplus3]

I agree with Lessly but I also have to add. . .

Are you kidding me? I don't mean to sound rude but you just had a baby and you've already been intimate twice? And he thinks he's getting neglected? I think your spouse needs a reality check frankly. Good grief. What does he expect at this point after a pregnancy?

I would continue to reassure him that it's not him but you need to understand this isn't you either. Your body has just been through a massive upheaval, your hormones still probably are not quite back to pre-pregnancy. Children take an adjustment and you nor he can possibly expect to just snap back to normal this quickly. Experts often say that it takes a full year to fully adjust to major life events--and I'm pretty sure a baby qualifies as a major life event.

[mrmnmom82]

I agree with the Prev. post. your hormones are still out of wack. I didn't do anything with my husband until after 7weeks after the baby was born. There were a few complications, and I was torn pretty badly, so I was still sore. Add on top of that the hormones going nuts, crying one minute, stressed, relief (usually when he got some sleep) I admit I had some post partum depression, but there are many levels to it, some people just call it the baby blues. It's an adjustment for everyone. I don't think your husband realizes how good he has it. Maybe just ask him to put his experiences into perspective here. You're doing your best, he just needs to have a bit more patience. I'm sure you'll feel more yourself within the next few weeks, it takes time.

[kalhayd2]

Originally Posted by twinzplus3

Are you kidding me? I don't mean to sound rude but you just had a baby and you've already been intimate twice? And he thinks he's getting neglected? I think your spouse needs a reality check frankly. Good grief. What does he expect at this point after a pregnancy?

I would continue to reassure him that it's not him but you need to understand this isn't you either. Your body has just been through a massive upheaval, your hormones still probably are not quite back to pre-pregnancy. Children take an adjustment and you nor he can possibly expect to just snap back to normal this quickly. Experts often say that it takes a full year to fully adjust to major life events--and I'm pretty sure a baby qualifies as a major life event.

Ditto!

[2girls]

I agree with the rest of the posts.
When did your doctor give you the okay to have sex again?
My doctor always has us wait at least 6 weeks, even then I am usually not ready.

[LovingJesusinAZ]

Hugs to you. I agree with the other ladies and want to lend my support. I think most new parents have experienced this to some level.

That's great that you and your DH were able to talk last night, as many couples just quietly grow resentful without ever discussing the problem. I agree with Lessly that you should just "go with the flow" a few times and see if that helps you.

My Dr. had me wait 6 weeks and DH actually wanted to wait another 4 weeks because, eventhough I was breastfeeding exclusively and following all the "rules" he wanted me to be back on the pill for a month to make sure I didn't get pg again right away.

[purelegance]

i've always heard you're supossed to wait 6 weeks before having sex. so technically that would mean you had sex twice in one week. that's more than enough considering you just had a baby! i think it took us 2 or 3 tries before we were "successful" after the 6 week mark.

tell him to push out a baby and put a sock in it

[DivasMomma]

Geez....if he were MY husband he would feel REALLY neglected

Kaydee is almost 8 months old and I can STILL count on one hand how many times we have been intimate! And remember, we are only 23! My body just still doesnt feel the same as it used too...but thats very normal (or so the dr said!) You have a tiny one at home--your tired, always have him on your mind, cant relax (Im assuming all of this because I know how I feel)

DH tries to be intimate all the time and I usually give him the cold shoulder Has it caused issues? Yes. Did talking to my dr. ease a lot of these issues? Yes. I thought something was wrong with me, she just put it all in perspective! Tired, worried, stressed, and afraid to get pregnant AGAIN! haha hopefully he understands for awhile

[erinellakal]

I just wanted to say that i agree with everyone!!! And also good luck, it will get better.