[Fam4]

I need help in understanding so called "family". Isn't family members suppose to be loving and supportive, caring and HONEST? Our 23 year old daughter (I adopted), is my husband's natural daughter (we got at age 12). She went away to school. Has been there since 18. Last year she suddenly stopped talking to us! For a whole year, she ignored our pleas to call us eventually disconnecting her phones. She wouldn't reply to our emails, our cards, our heart felt letters. We tried calling her at work, she would never come to the phone. We didn't know what was going on. We were sick, we were worried, we spent several sleepless nights wondering, praying, hoping, heartsick. After a year, she suddenly started calling again. Conversations are light as to not offend. After 4 months of renewed contact and having not seen her for over 1 1/2 years, my mother in law calls to say one morning, "I just got a call from your daughter. She is flying in this morning, a friend is bringing her to our home, she is coming with us to (her brother's/our son's) graduation! We were thrilled. Okay! It was a great reunion. Hugs, kisses, thrilled, happy, etc. She stayed only a short time then asked my husband's sister if she would take her to the airport (in front of us). She quickly agreed. They left. We didn't ask questions. Didn't think we needed to. Was just grateful to see her. Then last month. Our daughter called and said she made a mistake in her checkbook and needed some money. With some gentle advice, my husband wired her some money. Father's Day comes about two weeks later. Our daughter called to wish him a nice day, said she bought a card but forgot to send it, he says don't worry about it, but will she call back later that night, she says yes, but never does. Four days goes by....no call, no response again to our messages, so we become worried. She was low on money, she is depressed, what if something happened to her, what if she hurt herself?, what if someone hurt her? (she lives alone in a big city)! We were worried and very concerned. My husband calls her work. They say she hasn't been there all week! We are panicing now because she just started this job and told us that she can't take any time off to come visit us this summer. We are sure that something has happened to her! We express our concerns like we always have with my husband's family. Like we did all last year! Pouring our hearts out, crying, worried, etc. They don't say a word. We call her apartment building and pleaded with management to go check on her apartment. While waiting for their call back, our son calls us. His wife just received a call from our daughter saying, "tell my dad to stop calling people. It's embarrassing! Besides I'm here (in our state), with my biological mom. Apparently our daughter contacted her biological mother (who walked out on her at age 12, let me adopt her because she didn't want to pay $78.00 a month child support!) Okay...I understand. She was with her until age 12, she was a big part of her life, etc. I'm dealing with all of that. But what I am NOT dealing with....is my husband's family! We have recently found out that they have known since last August: that our daughter is okay, that she has been in touch with her biomom, and they have talked to her on a regular basis! (That she stopped talking to us because she was sorting things out with her biomom.) We found out that her biomom took her to my mother-in-law's house that graduation day, that my sister-n-law took her back to her biomom's house, that they all saw her the week she came home last month! The whole time that we were so worried about her! They all knew our emotions, they all knew our concern, yet NONE of them called us and said, "we know what's going on" "we have talked to her" "we have seen her"......Nothing! No honesty, no concern for our feelings WHATSOEVER! Why would they watch us go thru hell, and not offer any support, any help, any answers? They just found out this week, that we know...and that we are very hurt by their actions, but instead of talking to us about it and explaining their intentions, they are all ignoring us now! I just feel betrayed and that our relationship with any of them just doesn't matter. We are so hurt and confused by this. There is absolutely no loyalty or concern in our behalf at all. But I'm the one they want to entertain them constantly. Oh she will do this, she will do that. And unfortunately I do....because I want family around me. I don't have an extended family (on my side)....I was raised by only my mom who passed away 20 years ago! I just wonder why no one seems to value our feelings. I have seriously searched my soul in wondering why they would be so inconsiderate, but I can't come up with anything! It just hurts. And it feels like after all these years (we've been married 23 years)....their loyalty is still to his ex. They are covering her and our daughter with little regard to us. (btw...she had an affair with my husband's best friend!) Why would they have any loyalty to her at all?!!!!! My husband was only married to her for 5 short years....she walked out on their son (then 3) and kept their daughter until she was 12. (Then did the same thing to her!) Our son has NOTHING to do with her at all and is now completely disgusted and upset with his sister. I'm trying to be the mediator there. But again, my problem is with my in laws. I just can't believe how they have treated us. They've lied to us. They have betrayed us!