[mcmama]

Does anyone have experience living with a loved one who has bi polar depression? I think it used to be called manic depression. I have a relative whose mother goes on long rages and spending sprees, and then absolutely shuts down and can't even talk or get out of bed. She is under a psychiatrists care, and they are trying different medications, but living with her ups and downs is difficult and taking over his life! Does anyone know where he can get help for himself?

[babydawn]

The most important thing for your relative to remember is that bipolar, along with all other mental illnesses are legitimate diseases. They require medication for improvement. It may take her doctors sometime to find a treatment that works with her, but once it is found, she can cling to that and stay on it, probably for the rest of her life (unfortunatly). People have a hard time understanding that mental illnesses are actually physical differences in the brain, and often, for the more serious of them, such as bipolar, require the person to stay on a treatment plan permanently. You wouldn't tell someone with diabetes that they shouldn't take insulin...this is no different. Tell your relative to hang in there and to get educated on the matter. There are many wonderful resourses out there. I am reading a book right now called And I Will Make Thee Whole. I am going to be upfront in saying that it is a religious book, put out by members of the LDS church, but although it does talk a lot about faith in God and what not, it does give many personal accounts from people who have been through what your relative is going through, and really helps to put things into perspective and helps in understanding the illnesses. I am sure there are others like it out there. Stay a strong support for him as he will need it, and tell him to hang in there and to be patient. I fully understand dealing with a loved one with a mental illness, please remember that they NEED your love and support to get through it successfully. I hope the best for you and your family.

[mcmama]

Thank you Baby Dawn - I will recommend the book to him. They are not LDS but they have some good friends who are so they are familiar with it. They have often commented that they like the strength of the LDS families.
I guess he is finding that rule #1 is for her to take her meds. It is part of the agreement they have with one another right now. I guess this is a one day at a time situation. I think he is scared for himself and his children, in case it is hereditary - but right now the main emphasis is helping his mom to work with this and do what is best for her.

[lostchild1962]

Best wishes for ur friend..

[KatyDid]

For better understanding of this or any other mental illness go to www.nami.org
There are links to where he can get legitimate help. The site can also educate him on the disease.

Good luck to you and your friend!

[PearlyWrites]

Hey,

Thank you for the website, I will check it out. My father suffers from bipolar disorder and was diagnosed as a manic depressant many years ago till the diagnosis name changed I guess?

My father has suffered from depression his entire life. He has seen psychiatrists, psychotherapists, and have tried many different types of medications and treatments.

He is in a really bad depression and it has been very hard for all of my family. We have tried to get him the proper care but he refuses to listen to any doctor or family member. He looks at us as the enemy and when we try to help him he just lashes out at us. My mother won't give her rights to me so I can make sure he is getting properly treated.

Any suggestions?

[beth]

Originally Posted by PearlyWrites

Hey,

Thank you for the website, I will check it out. My father suffers from bipolar disorder and was diagnosed as a manic depressant many years ago till the diagnosis name changed I guess?

My father has suffered from depression his entire life. He has seen psychiatrists, psychotherapists, and have tried many different types of medications and treatments.

He is in a really bad depression and it has been very hard for all of my family. We have tried to get him the proper care but he refuses to listen to any doctor or family member. He looks at us as the enemy and when we try to help him he just lashes out at us. My mother won't give her rights to me so I can make sure he is getting properly treated.

Any suggestions?

This is a difficult situation to be in, as it is an ongoing illness (as you would know) and when the illness peaks as it seems to have at the moment, it is very hard to get through to the person. They certainly do treat you as the enemy. Medication is the key here, but there can be problems convincing the person to comply (as you would also know). One of the things that can be done long term to help the sufferer of bipolar disorder (=manic depression) is to de-stress their environment as much as possible, as it is known that an increase in stress levels can potentially set off an episode. Perhaps having a talk to the psychiatrist may be helpful if you haven't done so already. They may suggest techniques such as drawing up agreements regarding medication which involve withdrawal of privileges, or even hospitalization if necessary.

[PearlyWrites]

Hi Beth,

Thank you for your suggestions. I spoke to my father's psychiatrist's last year around this time and his suggestion to me was I should begin seeing him for therapy.

I told him I was there not for therapy but to find out the options regarding my father's health and how to go forward with the steps if he needed to be put into a hospital. My father's psychiatrists answered me, "Your father is sick and you need to learn how to cope."

I explained to him I have been to therapy and I have learned how to cope and its past this point; this is about my father's health. All he was focused on was trying to get me to come in as a patient.

My family has taken the stress away from my father but he finds things to bring on more stress. All of my sister's and I moved out at a young age so he did not have to worry about supporting us financially (which is a HUGE thing for him), my mother owns her own business, he retired at a fairly young age from his stressful job, and we don't know what else there is to do as we cannot help him. My parents moved into a condo after selling a 5 bedroom home since they wouldn't have to worry about paying the expenses of a home and planned to have the condo fully paid off by now, it's not. My father proceeds to refinance and keep taking more and more money out of the equity and this is his own doing.

The problem is my mother will not take the stance of telling this to my father as he has been verbally and emotionally abusive to all of us our entire life. There are also control issues and my mother is tired of the constant battling.

I appreciate your suggestions. If you have any others, I would love to hear them.
Thanks again!

[beth]

Originally Posted by PearlyWrites

Hi Beth,

Thank you for your suggestions. I spoke to my father's psychiatrist's last year around this time and his suggestion to me was I should begin seeing him for therapy.

I told him I was there not for therapy but to find out the options regarding my father's health and how to go forward with the steps if he needed to be put into a hospital. My father's psychiatrists answered me, "Your father is sick and you need to learn how to cope."

I explained to him I have been to therapy and I have learned how to cope and its past this point; this is about my father's health. All he was focused on was trying to get me to come in as a patient.

My family has taken the stress away from my father but he finds things to bring on more stress. All of my sister's and I moved out at a young age so he did not have to worry about supporting us financially (which is a HUGE thing for him), my mother owns her own business, he retired at a fairly young age from his stressful job, and we don't know what else there is to do as we cannot help him. My parents moved into a condo after selling a 5 bedroom home since they wouldn't have to worry about paying the expenses of a home and planned to have the condo fully paid off by now, it's not. My father proceeds to refinance and keep taking more and more money out of the equity and this is his own doing.

The problem is my mother will not take the stance of telling this to my father as he has been verbally and emotionally abusive to all of us our entire life. There are also control issues and my mother is tired of the constant battling.

I appreciate your suggestions. If you have any others, I would love to hear them.
Thanks again!

Hi PearlyWrites,

Your father's psychiatrist is, I suspect, merely trying to drum up business by telling you to go into therapy with him. It is unethical for him to be seeing you as a patient while at the same time seeing your father. It is ok for you and your father to go together, it would be even better if the whole family could go together and have family therapy, but it is simply not ethical for the same doctor to be seeing two family members separately.

The other issue is that, while psychiatrists are excellent in cases requiring medication (your father's is a case in point) they are not especially gifted at offering coping skills for either the patient or the family, independent of what the actual problem is. This is where seeing a psychologist could be useful. Because psychologists do not prescribe medication, they are more focussed on problem-solving techniques and may be more useful to you than a psychiatist. For the psychiatrist to say to you that you are having a problem coping with your father's illness is redundant. Of course, you are having a problem coping with his illness! Unfortunately, this doctor may only be able to offer you medication to push down your feelings of anxiety and despair.

A psychologist will help you firstly to talk about how you feel about your father and the difficulties his illness has imposed on you and your family, but they will also be able to help you regain some power in this situation by helping you decide what you are and are not resposible for. It seems that your mother is also a source of unhappiness, and you may need to deal with the issues between her and you first, since she (presumably) is more in touch with reality than your Dad. Bargains and rules may have to be struck between you and your mother, and you and your father. This will give you a greater sense of power instead of the years of worry and confusion that these situations invariably bring.

If you are unable to see a psychologist for whatever reason, try to look at the reasons why you feel responsible to look out for your father. Try listing them. Whatever you write is neither right or wrong, it is just the way it is for you. Examine each of them as dispassionately as you can. Some will be for the right reasons, and some will be less than healthy. These are the ones that you can start to address. Similarly, look at the ways your mother is aiding and abetting your father's behavior. Tell her that you will not sanction these behaviors anymore. Of course, your mother is probably taking the "easy way" out, simply because she is exhausted and doesn't know what else to do. And your father is responsible for some of his behaviors and not for others which are beyond his control. The clue is to work out which is which, and accept the acceptable and not go along woith the unacceptable. Would your mother come along to counselling with you?

I having a series of blogs coming up on bipolar disorder and coping with mental illness in general. You may get some additional clues there. Good luck with it.

[PearlyWrites]

Wow! Thank you so much. Ironically, I told my mother what I felt today before I read your response. I am moving out of state in a week so for my mother to go therapy with me will not be an option. When I did ask her to go last year, she ignored the question.

I have seen a psychologist and totally agree with you. If I never spoke to one, I would not be in the right frame of mind as I am today. I made my decision back then to not get invovled in the treatment of my father. My hurt feelings are for my mother but I also decided last year that she has to make her own decisions regarding my father's care. She has gone to therapy with my father at his psychiatrist but as you discussed, he is not treating the cause but shoving medication on him.

I know his psychiatrists telling me to come for therapy was unethical and I walked out of his office and never went back. I couldn't believe what I was hearing and after trying to explain that he was wrong for five minutes, I just stopped speaking and let the psychiatrist talk.

I do not like taking prescription medication and have always followed an organic/natural diet and way of living with vitamins and supplements. I was diagnosed with FMS and my rheumatologist wanted me to begin an antidepressant for the pains I get. I told him the chemicals do not mix well with my body but after his pleading, I tried three different ones.

None did anything but made me have suicidal thoughts. I have never had these thoughts so when this happened, I immediately stopped taking any medication and told the doctor I will NEVER try this again.

If this happened to me from this medication, how is it not happening to other people who trust their doctor who prescribe AD's to them like their candy?

I read your first blog on bipolar today. I am going to leave a comment tomorrow when I am more awake. I will def be following your writings and thank you so much for answering my plea.

Lisa