[ProudMommy77]

I'm really having a hard time with the lack of progression, and in actuality, regression, of Heike's potty training. She's no longer dry through the night, she refuses to try to go pee in the morning, doesn't care about getting stickers for her potty chart, and has had 4 days in a row of nothing making it to the potty. She will outright say "No", when we ask her if she has to pee, or even just to try on the toilet (although, we did have two good tries today, and then tantrums the rest of the day).

I'm just so frustrated. I feel like I've failed because I think people see my kid and think that I haven't done my job to get her using the toilet and she's 3.5 years old.

DH says that we should just go a few days of not even mentioning the potty -- let her mention it if she's interested -- and start over after a few days. I'm not sure it's a good idea -- I think it might be better to keep trying with the every two hours for about 5 minutes on the potty.

Any advice?

[QueenAngie]

Number 1, you are a very good Mom!

Some children are more difficult to potty train than others.
It can become a battle of wills.

My sons were trained by 2 years, 3 months
and 2 years, 6 months. Maybe they were just easy.

Some other friends will disagree with me when I state this:
if a child is able to walk, run, and play
then that child is old enough to be potty trained.

Obviously your child is very strong willed and healthy.
As an adult that will serve her well to be an independent adult woman.

But, gotta tell you, if real life, you have to be potty trained.
So, the strong willed stuff is not working at this point
with regards to her maturing to the next level of no diapers.

If a child has a medical condition, certainly that would
negate my previous statement.

I am not certain if you are at home all day long or just on the weekend.
I believe this child and I would spend the entire day in the bathroom.
Maybe two entire days if needed.
Just focus on the potty training....nothing else.

I read a book that suggested to give
a child in potty training a salty snack.
To make her thirsty.
Then give her soda pop w/ a straw to go potty frequently.
If you do not allow soda pop, then go with fruit juice/milk/water
with a straw.

And plan to spend the time 1 on 1 in the bathroom.

You are the parent and set the rules.
She is the child.

I have survived the teenaged years.
This is preparing you for teenagers as a parent.

Gotta say this, if a child is strong willed at the preschool age,
just wait until she is a teenager and life will truly be miserable.
Better to get her to bend a bit now,
then truly be out of control and unmanageable in 10 or 12 years.

Wishing you all the best! You are a great Mom!

[MiaCamille]

great advice Angie do you have any for poopin' on the potty?
Proudmommy77, i wouldn't stop either and continue your efforts it will pay off.. My almost 3 dd is having trouble poopin' in the potty but i will not go back to diapers...Good luck!

[twinzplus3]

Now see. . .I'm the opposite. I watched my sil's struggle, and struggle and struggle with potty training. The reality is you cannot force a child to pee and poop. If she chooses a power struggle you will loose every single time in this arena. I watched one of my nieces struggle with severe UTI's bc she decided that she was going to control her mom.

Kids potty train when they are ready--it shouldn't be a struggle but is a natural process. With that said, I let my children run around naked and we definitely do the stay at home all day, focus on potty training for a day or two, as well as salty snacks and meals (bacon for breakfast anyone?) and lots of liquid--and that includes soda. I've waited until they are older to potty train and I've never, not once had a struggle over it or taken longer than a week. (I should note that I do find it easier to train in the summer bc they are happier to be naked.)

[mrmnmom82]

I have to agree with not pushing hard on this one. It's not like you're trying to teach her to pick up her toys. She is in charge of her own body, and she is really letting you know that. I would back off for a bit. Be grossed out when she goes in her pants, and make her clean it up herself. she wants to put the stuff in there, she can clean it up! Be genuinly disapointed that she had an accident, "oh, that's too bad" and go about your business. But when she decides to go in the toilet, give out high fives, and "Go big girl!" pats on the back!

Good luck!

[ProudMommy77]

Thanks for the varying advice. We decided last night that we are taking until Friday off from potty training. More for our benefit than hers. We were so exhausted, and today we noticed a significant increase in happiness around our place. We're going to go out Thursday, have her choose some underwear, and go for it again on Friday. This time, hopefully, without a return to pull-ups.

Who knew this could be so difficult?

[ProudMommy77]

We spent the last two days NOT asking DD about the potty at all, but we still would tell her when WE were going. She would come with me when I had to poop and ask me all the things that I would ask her if she were on the potty: Do you feel the pee/poop coming?, Do you want me to hold your hand?, You're going to hear the poop sound in the toilet!, and my favourite, Mommy, you did it! You get to have a sticker now!.

Now, today, she had a lot of talk about the potty -- most of which we just kind of responded to with positive reinforcement. Then, just before bed, she announces that she wants to go on the potty. We didn't fuss, we opened the bathroom door, she pulled her own pants/pull-up down, and low and behold, she had a poop on it! We made a HUGE fuss for her, and she was so proud of herself.

Really, I think she just needed us to back off and do it totally on her own. We'll see if we can continue this tomorrow. We're going to stay backing off until the weekend is over (we'll have two full days at home to concentrate on everything), maybe things will go well, and it'll be a great weekend!

[deedee1231]

Yeah Heike!!! I am so in favor of letting the tots take the lead on the potty training issue. I think that it goes so much more smoothly when they are willing participants in their own toilet training.

I always let my kids pick out a new package of undies when they were potty training, too. She will like that .

[mrmnmom82]

Yaaaa! How exciting! My kids allways come into the bathroom with me too! The joys of parenthood! You can tell she likes to be in charge, she tried to potty train YOU! What ever works!

[mollymae]

I'm glad she finally got it!!