[singlesolong]

This is all new to me and I am looking forward to some positive feedback. Thanks to anyone willing to read this and to help out!

Okay...where to begiin? I guess I will just dive right on in.

I am a single parent. I am not the kind ofsingle parent who wears the title on her sleeve and expects some sort of award or sympathy. I am the kind that generally does not advertise the information and think it not anyone's business because I do not want my children treated any differently than children from two-parent homes. Now let me clarify some things. I am not ashamed of my single parent status but I long to have given my chidren a two parent home that is loving and healthy. Plus, who doesn't desire a little help every now and then?

I have pretty much been a single parent for as long as my children have been part of this world. I entered upper 30s in February (35) and my children are now full force puberty victims. I have two, a daughter age 14 and a son age 12. All support comes from my modest teacher salary. We do okay, but family vacations are few and far between.

Now for a little children background (I promise just a little). My son is what one might consider the easy child. He does what is asked of him, makes wonderful grades, athletic, cleans his room, and for the most part incredibly respectful. He wants nothing more than to have a happy mother and a full-time father. Now on to my daughter, the trickier of the two. She is incredibly bright, but does not appply herself (hence, bad grades). She is moody beyond explanation, messy, has low self-esteem due to the constant challenges of junior high school (a.k.a. Demon World) and a larger than average body size. On the plus side she is so amazingly funny and has a knack for writing.

I recently started taking her to therapists to kind of work on some of our issues and struggles. Now I have never been a great advocate for medicine but this year I decided that if the doctors saw fit that we would give it a try. They saw fit and are treating her for bi-polar and ADD. I feel like all of this is some sort of experiment but I cannot help but want to try every possible option to help her out. After 3 months of "treatment" I have only seen little to moderate change in her behavior.

Now on to the blended part. I have been seing the same man for over 7 years. I mean seriously dating for over 5 years. He has pretty much been part of my children's lives most of their lives. For the most part he is great; supportive, informative, resourceful. My son is practically in love with the man as they have very similar personalities. One would not know that he is not his biolagical father. But there is one MAJOR issue. Our parenting styles completely clash. At first I belived that our opposing views of parenting were what was going to make us a good team but after being together this long and no wedding bells I am fearing we have wasted a lot of time. I believed that my more loving approach would balance out his military approach. My easy-going personality would level his "get the job done NOW" personality. I want discipline in the home, he IS discipline in the home.

Let me explain that we do not live together and that this lack of committment does not sit well with. Most if the time I am okay with the fact that he has his own dwelling because, you know, sometimes you want to be free to do what you do. But when it comes to raising children you are either in it or out of it. Sometimes I think he chooses to be in it when it is convenient, or when the children are aggreeable.
But guess what? My daughter is usually not agreeable. And the two of them clash like heavy waters on a shaky levee. And I am constantly out in the middle of the battle left to feel like both a negligient mother choosing the boyfriend side, and the negligient mother who allows her child to talk back to adults, yell and scream, and not show responsibility. And this sucks because I LOVE THEM BOTH but I cannot stand certain thiings that they do. My boyfriend only wants to help my daughter fly right because he cares about me and wants to make my life better, but sometimes I think that all the yelling and preaching at her he is not doing for her. And it only makes things worse. Does she need this strong discipline, ABSOLUTELY! But I cannot live with the fights and the anger.

Oh, and he is against medication. He always says if he lived here she would not be on medicine. He believes that she has issues and he has "diagnosed" her as having Borderline personality disorder, but believes medicine is not the answer. So basically everything I have ever tried to make things better he thinks is not working and really is sold on this Seargent Stepdad approach that I know is not working. When they are not fighting they are fine but on more than one occasion my daughter has made it clear that if we marry she will not stay and boyfriend has also made it clear that he will not marry me until she is gone, which he told to my daughter, which made me seething mad, which prompted a HUGE arguement, which is why we are not speaking now (the boyfriend and I).

Strangely enough I am hopeful (prayer helps ). I am just not sure what for. I am not sure what I should do and I know that I can't be alone in this struggle.
To anyone who truly took the time to read my babble THANK-YOU!!! I am open to anything and everything you have to say.
HELP ME!
Singlesolong