[sosotired]

I am so overwhelmed I dont know what to do. I have suffered from depression since i was a child, and havent realized mentally ill both my parents are until just recently. I am 26 now and need to break away from the intense control i let both of my parents have over me, especially emotional control. Unless you have time to read war and peace i will just give you the edited version of our last issue.
Things you may need to know to understand me alittle... Well i have a low self-esteem, i have never thought i was allowed to believe in myself with out being totally selfish (i was made to believe that is how i am, but my friends and other family tell me this is not the real truth) I try to make everyone around me happy and i would tell lies (little white ones if that even matters) so that i will not be judged, humilliated or abandoned by the people around me( this is a huge issue for me) so i have been changing these negative behaviours to be more positive, honest and mature.
Did i mention i have the greatest husband and daughter in the world?? Well I do, around them i feel like i can do anything even if it is standing up to my mother. My husband tells me to try to let these things go, or i let her win by getting so upset and letting whatever issue it is effect my whole life. But I dont know how to let go without trying to make everyone around me happy.
Well my daughters Baptism was last Sunday, and it was the first time in my life where i felt great, i was able to arrange and organize her whole baptism on my own and i actually did a great job (which if you knew me all of this is so hard for me to say) Well my mom always has to be negative and make everything an issue or really really hard to handle and that is what she did at my daughters baptism.
Katerina (my daughter) is 17 months old, so we expected that she would cry/scream when she had to go naked and be dipped in the water for her baptism... Well she did and when it was over she was fine. The day was going beautifully, like i said i felt great and for the first time in my life i felt in control of my own life and how i wanted to live it. So off we went for the reception afterwards to celebrate this wonderful occassion with our families. Well guess who didnt show up, no phone call, no little conversation after the actual baptism to let me know she wouldnt be coming. My mother... So instead of totally enjoying the lunch and being relaxed i called my mother 100 times to make sure she was okay, with no response. 60 people waited for her to show up for lunch, until everything was getting cold and I told everyone to just start to eat and not to worry. ( should have listened to my own advise)
That evening i finally talked to her, she said we were torturing my daughter with that baptism and that she couldnt handle it, since it made her so upset that we would do such a thing to her. My husband and I are Greek Orthadox... nothing really strange or mean about any part of it at all.
I confronted her about how it was not okay how she handled the situation and i felt she was acting very immature and when i voiced my opinion she HUNG UP. So it has been almost a week and she wont talk to me... somehow this is becoming my fault. She said to my sister that she wont talk to me until she calms down so she doesnt say something she regrets. All i did was confront her for the first time in my life and i wasnt rude or hurtful. My husband was sitting right beside me when i was talking to her, so it isnt just my opinion on this.
It seems like anytime i am lifting the depression i am in or doing well for myself she has to make an issue to be upset about it. I am so tired of this and i dont know how to handle this, make her happy and still have some self respect. I am not going to say sorry this time for something that i did not do. Will it always hurt this much to stand up for myself and my family? I dont know how to have a relationship with my mother, it feels like i have to tiptoe around so that she will not be enraged or upset. How do you deal with a person like this? How do i take my power back and be mature and sensitive all at the same time?
I am sick of being sorry that i am alive and that i have my own ideals and thought... why cant things be easier??? Am i totally losing my mind or do i not have the right to say how i feel?

Hurting a lot inside
Diana T.