[dirtluvingal]

Hi everyone-
I'm in search of some advice. I just found out yesterday that my friend of two years got my email passwords and has been snooping on me. I did cheat on him about a year ago but I admitted it all and we decided to get back together. I changed all my passwords this morning but I'm afraid he will do it again. I feel like this whole relationship is fake and that I really never had any privacy. Please help.
Melissa

[MJ7]

Gosh Melissa, I'm sorry you are feeling spied on. I know too that when such trust is broken it can be hard to regain. Though you might feel better coming clean about what you'd done and he was willing to work things out, does not mean he's over the betrayal. I wonder if I wouldn't feel the same as he is and have a hard time moving on. If this is problemsome, do you think you should end the relationship over it? If it's worth saving, perhaps some counceling is in order to work through the mistrust issues he appears to still have.

Take care.

[JMBisBack]

Hi Melissa, getting into someone's emails, PMs, IMs or other personal communications is outright wrong! No ifs nor buts. You should confront him about this and if you feel that your relationship is fake and it seems like you have mutual trust issues, too, it would be best to end the relationship. Sound relationships are based on trust, without it, the relationship is bound to fail; this goes for friendships too.

[AnnetteP]

You cheated, he lost trust. Will he ever completely trust you again?

Someone told me he cheated on his girlfriend a couple of times, but that he'd confessed. He wasn't too pleased with my response which went something like this: if you cheated on me once, I might forgive, but I'd always be a little more suspicious. If you cheated on me twice, you wouldn't be around to find out if I forgave you or not.

My last serious boyfriend decided to put a keystroke program on the computer. I guess he liked reading reading BS, since that's primarily what I type. When I decided to move out (and back into my own house) he asked if I'd take his dog with him. He was going away on business and would pick up the dog when he returned. No problem...or so I thought.

He realized I was leaving him FOR GOOD and called me on my cell phone, pitching a fit to return his dog. He had the nerve to lie and tell me I'd left my AOL emails open for him to read. I sorta bought that, at first, but then knew something wasn't kosher. He had read my yahoo PMs, too. So, I figured out what he'd done.

He was pretty concerned about a past relationship I'd had and probably was watching to see if I was in contact with that guy. I don't know why he felt the need to watch me, since he could clearly tell when I'd been in conact with him (as evidenced by my change in behavior). I am so transparent, that the night before we left for Vegas he saw that change and asked, "Did you speak to X? Is that why you're acting funny?" Little did he know I had spoken to him the day before and that he wanted to fly to Vegas and meet up with me while my bf was in meetings! I wasn't going to tell him that, because he already knew that HE was the rebound for me (from that previous relationship).

Men.

[shazbo]

like annette said you cheated once he is finding it hard to trust you again do you blame him you couldnt of thought much of him in the first place to cheat . if the books were turned and he had cheated on you wouldnt you be temped to look . i would its all down to trust

[bennaloe]

I think I'd be more inclined to read my DH's email if he cheated on me. I don't have a problem with DH reading my emails and I don't think he cares. We don't have anything to hide from each other. I'm not saying that I go around reading his emails, but I don't think it would be an issue if I did.

[rollinbabe]

I just want you to know that this is very bad thing your bf did..meddling in ur life..like this?

You cant trust someone who did that to you!

[BzyBee]

I agree with some posters who feel it is a natural by-product of your bf's inability to trust you. Perhaps when you change your passwords you should give them to him, tell him you feel comfortable with him reading your mail as you have nothing to hide. I suspect that would go a long way in rebuilding the trust your relationship is lacking.

I do not agree that he should have been sneaking around in your e-mail. That is unacceptable.

[neicyspieces]

Im sorry you were snooped on for so long...My dh cheater in the past and I snooped his emails too. Which is how I found out! I know its wrong but U sometimes have the stigma, once a cheater always a cheater or suspicous that it could happen agian.
He may have forgiven u but he hasnt forgotten and never will! So keep that in mind when u.

I dont know what you should do, only u know that. Talk with him.

[scrapbookguru]

I agree with most that the reason he is snooping is because you've cheated before. Any small behavior change can warrant trust issues, where there might have been some trust being regained.
My ex husband spent a great deal of time cheating on me during our marriage. I did not snoop until the end. I didn't have to. He wasn't really good at hiding it. It wasn't until I already knew he was cheating that I began really looking into it. And even then, I wasn't breaking into his computer or stealing passwords to do it.
My last boyfriend on the other hand, had such major insecurity problems, he felt it was ok before we ever lived together to let himself into the house and place a key logger spy ware program on my computer. He tried to tell me that he did it because I told him an old boyfriend had contacted me (uh hello didn't I say *I* told him). Anyway, he claims that's when he did it, but the dates don't add up. And neither does what he said he saw me type. He'd have had to have the spy ware in place before the initial contact from the ex to be able to read what he read. Regardless it was in place for almost 5 months before I discovered it. I was extremely angry and never did regain my trust in him. I tried for several years but things kept happening. Unfortunately that relationship ended because of it.
I am now in a relationship with a man whom I plan to spend the rest of my life with. I recently gave him all my passwords to everything (to hold onto because I frequently change them and I have a lot of different accounts for things). Anyway, I have no idea if he is checking my email. I don't believe he is like that. However, I have nothing to hide so I didn't mind sharing them with him. I leave my email up most of the day anyway.
I honestly think you need to reevaluate your situation and be sure that you want this relationship. Can it be repaired? Is counseling an option? I wish you the best.