[Momof2kids]

I am totally new here and I am going to learn as I go, just as I do Parenthood. I am a mother of 2--girl 8 and boy 9. We live a good life and lately have felt that my son has felt the affects of being spoiled. We have worked hard to have what we have but his head has become too big for his own body. He is the first born in my family and is exceptionally smart. He has been surrounded by adults most of his life. He is great in school but not much motivation in sports. We have tried everything!!!! I refuse to give up on the sport thing because I feel that it will teach him "team". Also, we have given him designer clothes....ipods, video games....and we recently took it all away from him because he feels that he is "rich and spoiled". Money means nothing whether he works for it or not. My husband and I do not live our lives in this manner but he has perceived it otherwise. I need help. Is this normal? How can I motivate my nine year old in life/sports and money is not going to buy happiness, since he is heartbroken about his clothes.....I have thought about a psychologist....he's just too big for his body????? Anyone have any ideas????

[Alejandros Mommy]

\Firstly Hello and Welcome to families. I am a mom to an 8 1/2 year old. We do not give in to him regarding games ect...he has a schedule and follows it every day

He gets up and makes his own breakfast, gets dressed for school. Brushes his teeth and then makes his own lunch. He also has to make sure his homework is in his backpack. If he has his coat and shoes/boots on and is ready he can watch TV till we have to drop him off from school.

On Mondays and Wednesday's he has Karate. It teaches him disipline and focus while getting some of the energy out of him that he has. He then comes home gets changed out of his GI (karate outfit) and has some free time till supper. He eats and then does his homework. Only after he is finished it and we check it does he get free time again. Then he starts his bedtime routine; he goes to bed 8pm week days 830pm week ends.

He knows what is expected of him and thus it is easier for him to contribute to our family. He has chores that he does such as putting the dishes away and cleaning the upsatirs bathroom; excluding the toilet.

My husband and I are of the mind that our kids must contribute to our family as family is a team and everyone has to work together and not just take.

I suggest doing up a routine for your children so they know what to expect from you. Children flourish when they know what is expected of them. My kids want for nothing....but have to work for what they get...we do not just give them something just because. You should try this as right now you can change the way your kids are...if you wait to long they will be teens and their behavior will worsen.

I wish you luck and hope that this works for you.

[Momof2kids]

Thanks for the suggestions, but I did want to mention something else. We do have a structured life and a busy schedule. We do have certain expectations for him, garbage, cleaning room, putting clothes away, shoes, jackets....and we also use the ideas for team in the family aspect. I have also used the "chart" for him with rewards too. I just feel like he has assumed that he no longer has to do this and as far as interest in sports that because he is so smart sports won't take him anywhere in life and his brain will.
Thanks,

[fostermommy]

Hi,
I'm a mom of a son (18, and daughters (12 and 16) and foster children (2 and 1). We also have expectations regarding contribution to the family, and daily routine. We have also been very blessed over the years, but have also worked hard. The kids have no real clue of what hard work is or what it takes to support a family. I think the big lesson will start to sink in when they must budget their money each week while living in a college dorm. Kids are naturally self-centered, and that especially becomes evident in the pre-teen years. They just don't have a sense of the world around them. Getting them (and sometimes the whole family) involved in community or church service projects or missions often helps kids to see the world as a bigger picture, and to have greater appreciation for the gifts they've been given. In terms of sports - perhaps your son just feels clumsy or non-athletic and doesn't want to embarrass himself or his family. Some boys truly are not interested in sports, and pushing them into something can really hurt their self-image. Maybe consider having him participate in a team of a different sort - where the benefits of teamwork and cooperation are equally important, but athletic ability is not. Lego League is a great example. Others would include Science Olympiad, forensics, Rube Goldberg competitions, Debate, etc. Your school should have information on these types of opportunities. Good luck.

[sharinielsen]

Does he feel differently about "team" sports vs. "individual" sports? Maybe if he got involved in something individual, where all the pressure (and spotlight) is on him, he may feel differently. Try swimming, running, karate, wrestling, etc. Once he gets into it, he may realize that its more fun when you are part of a team and have a support group around you.

The other thing you can do is establish a system in which he works for rights to his iPod and video games, etc. Play outside for 30 min and get the iPod for 30 min.

[Momof2kids]

Thanks for the suggestions, since my last post my son has been without his luxuries and we are trying to decide about how he is going to earn them back. Also, we have signed him up for swimming and he does well when he wants to and doesn't when he just doesn't feel llike it. I just want him to be better. Who doesn't right? He did admit that he was "trying to be cool" in school for a boy that is the class clown and certainly not what I would want my son to pick for a friend. We are working through that right now...choosing good friends....being smart and popular...He feels that he is smart and wants to be popular but chossing it in the wrong ways. I think that, that is why his behavior had changed so fast. So, as time goes by we are taking it a day at a time with as much patience that I can find. Boys..boys..boys..
Thanks for the help.
Lisa