[truegem]

Hi! I have two teenage daughters. I have been noticing that some guys don't pay much for dates. For example, we are paying half for my daughter's homecoming dance ticket. With my other daughter, her date's Mom insists that it is the girl's responsibility to pay for dinner when they go to a dance. What are these Moms teaching their sons? If it was my son, I would teach him to pay. I would teach him about courting. Am I just being old fashioned? I am open to the changing times, and I do understand that there are very few stay at home Moms in our times, so my daughters will probably be "pulling their weight" in the household when they get married, but isn't there something to be said about a cheap guy? I think my daughters deserve more, but is there more? Am I expecting too much? Some of my friends say the guy still pays for everything. My daughters are confused when they go on a date. They bring money but there is always that awkward moment when it comes time to pay. Help! When I was a kid, the guy paid, period!
Thanks

[MissyChrissy]

Hm...interesting. I wouldn't expect the date to pay for my daughter's ticket or dress or anything. But, I would expect him to pay for 1/2, if not all, the dinner. No way would I consider it acceptable to expect my daughter to pay for dinner. I am a wee bit old fashioned.

[Samual]

I would never expect someone to pay for me in any case, nor would I accept the money.

[Labhaoise]

Hmmm, I don't really understand the whole Homecoming thing.. but where I live we have a formal (like prom) at the end of year 10 and year 12. The dinner and the dance is all included in the one ticket and depending on where it's held, can be expensive (my ticket last year was i think around $75 and my brothers a couple of years ago was $80).
So I would never expect a date to pay for my ticket. We werent allowed to have dates from outside of school for either of mine, and the selection within the school was not that great so I didnt have one. My brother on the other hand went with his then girlfriend and didnt pay for hers... she was going whether or not he was so I don't see the point.

[1stTimeMomOf2]

I am old fashioned I guess, but not everyone is anymore. It really depends on the person and how they see fit to teach their children. When I went to proms and homecomings I always paid for my dress, my ticket and my dinner because I went with a group of friends and never really considered it a date. I was going to go whether or not I had a guy to stand with in the pictures. But, I do think that if it is an official date that the gentleman should always pay. I can understand if what they are going to do is quite pricey or if it was the ladies idea to do it, then I could see chipping in some.

[mrmnmom82]

I think a gentleman should pay for dinner. I understand purchasing your own ticket and dress, but I am the youngest of 6 girls, and I was raised that a man opens your door for you, lets you enter a room first, and pays for dinner.

Now, on my first date with my now husband, our date ran longer than expected, we not only went out to lunch, which he payed for, but we ended up going to dinner also. I payed for dinner since plans had changed, and I felt it was my turn.

As a teenager, if a guy has asked a girl out on a date, I think it is the polited thing to do to pay. Maybe if the girl asked the guy out they could go dutch, but I think that would be the only exeption. Also, if they were only going as friends, each should pay for their own meal.

What's a meal cost? Less than $20?! We need to start now to continue to raise gentleman, or their will be very few, and our girls standards will fall.

[tallvine]

maybe it depends on who does the asking... my 14 yo daughter is going to her school formal this w-end and asked a boy from another school to go as ''''friends". Since the deadline for purchasing tickets was 2 weeks ago I ended up paying for both tickets to the tune of $80.00! she assured me I'd be reimbursed. well it's been 2 weeks & no money - I'm hoping that they are sending a check with their son this weekend but I've kind of accepted that this one was on me...

[mcmama]

Special events are often shared in non traditional ways - not all on the boy. But he does something, and it gets talked about. I agree, it depends on who is doing the asking. If you invite a girl to your prom at your school, you don't pay for her dress, but you should pay for her ticket, her dinner, and give her a freakin corsage. Parents often get together as teams to work on safe transportation.

And if you are a girl and invite a guy, you should at least pay for the ticket and take the initiative on transportation - maybe split dinner or figure what is going to happen. He should offer to pay for something, like a corsage or whatever.

I'm from the generation that when a guy was claiming he believed in womens lib and wanted to split the check, he was actually being cheap. YOu want a guy to show he takes some responsibility.

[Alejandros Mommy]

What about the girls responsibility? Boys/men have to pay for the privledge of going out with someone? Sorry but I have 2 sons and do not want them treating girls like trash BUT both "sexes" have a responsibility not just because someone is a "boy" do they have to be forced to pay. Taking turns on paying is fine. It shows that both "partners" respect each other. We can show our sons to treat people with respect but stand up for themselves and not be door mats as well as keeping their word and making the right choices.

I am soo not a feminist...I am an activist for my boys when today's society teaches them that they must be everything but ask for nothing in return.

*gets off her soapbox*

But as to Tallvine, I am sorry to hear that you paid so much for a dance ticket. Has your daughter made this person aware that they needed to pay you back?

[mollymae]

I totally agree with Lessly!

I won't let my daughter let a boy/man always pay. Women expect equality then it should go both ways. I also wouldn't want her to feel in anyway beholded to a boy because then she might feel she has to repay in other ways!