[vanaden]

My mother and father in law have raised my niece since she was 1. Her mother just gave her to them, being 17 at the time. well my niece has learned that she can be a brat, toss some attitude around and get what ever she wants. she's 12 by the way. I just want to slap her sometimes and people areound us see it going on all the time. What do I do?
Do I have a place to say, hey you need to stop or I'll...
And her little 4 year old sister is following right down the same path. She is a straight up terror. I'm not just saying that.

[QueenAngie]

With inlaws, I find it best that my DH address specific issues to them.

Certainly they are setting a bad example for your own children.

Sounds like they are spoiling grandparents, instead of parents setting down the rules, appropriate behavior standards.

Do you frequently visit with them? Have them over to your home?
If they are acting badly in your own home, I would say something about the house rules, and redirect them.

Most 12 yo girls do have prehormonal, hormonal issues. If the inlaws do not help to redirect her behavior, the next 7 teenager years will be miserable for everyone.

Good luck!

[MissyChrissy]

I agree with Angie. They need to parent those girls, but I don't know if it's your place to say something to them. It seems like they'd know things aren't working out.

[purelegance]

maybe say something to DH, but i wouldn't step in and say anything myself.

[DK615617]

What does dh think? I would ask him to talk to them in a non-accusatory way. (Don't just tell them what a lousy job they are doing! lol) Point out that it is great that they took her in and that they love her so much but......and then try to expalain to them that her behavior is inappropriate and that it will only make her life harder.
It is a sticky situation since no one likes to be criticized. So would have dh do it, so you don't end up in hot water with your in laws!!
Good luck

[vanaden]

He says if it's my opinion its my place to voice it. He agrees with me and he gets just as irritated as i do with the way those girls act. They do have serious trouble on their hands. When those girls are at my house they act like angels because the rules are well established around her. THey get too much slack at home. And their mom is in and out of their lives and house and she doesn't watch them she just sits on her butt in front of the tv. Sorry I'm ranting.
anyways....i think i will start keeping my daughter home and not allowing her to go on weekends anymore . until they shape up. It's not right for me to jepordize my child because i'm scared to say "hey i don't like that".
No more fear. Just action.

[tristipie]

You know what, I think your decision is the best thing to do. Every one has their own free will given to them, and your in-laws are choosing to raise that child in the way they think is best. You can't step in and direct their lives any more than they ought to step in and direct yours. The best thing you can do is raise your children the way you feel is best, and your in-laws may at some point realize that you've been setting them a very good example. They're probably going to really regret the way they've raised that child, but it's their choice and then they are going to have to face the consequences. You're doing the very best thing by setting a good example, keeping your children from being influenced, and allowing them their freedom of choice. Hang in there -- it's hard when relatives are influencing our children in a negative way, but hold your ground and you'll do great.

[mcmama]

You can decide what is best for your own child - and your neice has to know that there are consequences for her behavior.

I would not discipline her or tell them what to do, but when she is bratty, you can be supportive of them. One of the things I have done with other single moms whose kids mouth off at them in front of me is to stop the conversation and say

"YOU TALK TO YOUR MAMA LIKE THAT?????

Then I look real shocked. It stops them cold. But not for long. With a little kid, I say something like "we just DON'T backtalk our mamas. When your mama is speaking to you, you have to listen". With a teen, I say something like "That kind of talk won't get you anywhere - most people would NEVER tolerate it because it is rude". If they mouth off further, I tell them to get away from me with that attitude. Usually just by having SAID something, putting it on the kid, other wimpy adults who are annoyed but think "oh, it's none of my business" start nodding their heads, and stepping in to support the parent.

I would pay close attention to the supervision of your daughter on any visits, because "in my house, children are not allowed to...." Or cut back on the visits.

[thomac]

Maybe just minding your own business would be a good place to start. People have different parenting approaches and philosophy. Don't assume your skills are superior. Respect your elders judgement. If this is so difficult you "want to slap her" then you clearly need some anger management councelling.

[Alejandros Mommy]

thomac, it is far easier to post critisism then to actually support and listen. All your posts since you joined have been like this. I advise you as a new member to be supportive to our members so they in turn can be supportive of you. We do not allow consistent "bashing" of our members here.


Now back to the Original posters question.