Bright husband controller wife..
Hello All,
As one of the purposes of this forum is friendship and counselling I would like to count with the priceless advice from our members to help me balance some perceptions of events in my marriage that definitely will help me to form a better opinion on how to deal with it and how to move forward with help (and what kind of help). Firstly, let me apologize for the long text below but seems necessary to me to give you the context.
My point is that I am loosing my perception of what would be an acceptable common sense on reactions and opinions. So, take a look:
- I am a 38 y/o, British, working in the business area with a successful records in my career, my wife is a lawyer working for the government with also a successfully career record and we have to bright kids of 10 and 12. We had been married for 14 years and we are together 17 years now. So, the thing is that our marriage had been a roller-coaster since the beginning. We are both from Taurus but with different personalities and backgrounds. It seems we are getting (or already passed) our limits. And now to make things worst we are moving to another country due to an ex-pat post. She said everything is fine with the move and that the problem is not there, but with our diametrical different points of view
Since last 2 years she become more aggressive and picking-up every inch in every subject, I had the wrong attitude and to not stress or fight I said ok, you’re right, let's fix it or something like that. Going straight to the point, let me get your impression over the following situation to seize how abusive (or not) it is:
1st example
She ask me to buy 5 kg of meat for a barbecue at home, I just found 4 kg available, by not having all meat I bought some sausages or garlic breads instead of meat (at the same proportion) once we would have 14 guest at home. The result: "why you don't do exactly what I told you and buy the meat I asked?", yes, I tried to explain that they ran out of the meats she wanted, so by being adaptable and flexible I made my own decisions and bought something that would replace it. No deal. Just complaints. No reasoning, no good sense.
2nd example
She ask me to pay a bill in a x value in the z date, I went to the bank and typed in the ATM the wrong value (let's say that instead of 540 I typed 450). Then I complemented the payment with another payment just with the difference. No big deal right? Bill paid on the date with the right value. Guess what? More complaints again. Peculiar comments: "why you can't even pay a bill correctly? why you don't do the things right?"
Well, this are just two examples (almost ridiculous) that I brought to give you the perspective of the sensibility.
Isn’t it too much? I had worked out dozen of things that she always pointed as “insufficient” in our relationship, but now is going to a level of detail or control that for me looks crazy.
Key questions:
- Why does she behave some methodically and precisely? I am going crazy and I feel that any man in such condition would go too.
- Can a marriage be able to survive under such stressful daily conditions? How can we face the dynamic, rush and competitive life we live today by behaving like that?
- I have a good self-esteem but is being completely destroyed by this attitude and I am hijacked among react and fight getting things worst or give up and try to make the ‘exact” precise thing.
So your comments and inputs will be valuable to help me redefine what would be reasonable in such typical circumstances, once that frankly I am loosing focus and perception of how to react and cut these things of endless “requirements”.
Thanks for your input and comments, they will be highly appreciated
Cheers
Bert
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