[beth]

When my daughter entered kindergarten, there were lots of requests for friends to go to other kids houses to play after school. Sometimes I felt uncomfortable about this as I didn't know the parents at this stage, or even where they lived. But whenever my daughter asked for someone to come to our place, there was never any hesitation. I know for a fact that if I had asked some of these parents could I borrow their car for an hour or so, there would be some hesitation, even a direct "no". But I found the majority of parents showed little concern about where their kids were. Either I have a very honest face, or they genuinely didn't care. It seems on the surface at least, that children are not as well protected as they could be. What do others think?

[seeemilywrite]

I never thought about it like that to be honest. My first reaction was" Well you have car insurance issues, its an expensive item...." But really, your kids should be more important than your BMW.

[babydawn]

I completely understand what you are talking about. I have never let my kids go to someones house that I don't know the family. They think I am really strict, and I know that when they get older, I won't have as much control over that, but for now, I do. I had a gals mom call me up a couple of weeks ago....I have never even heard my daughter talk about this girl (it ended up she is in her school class) and her mom was like, can Erin spend the night with so and so tonight, I was like, uh, NO! I just don't get it.

[seeemilywrite]

When you say no you come off as the overprotective parent though dont you? Where as if you said no to lending your car out to strager you would just me "smart". It really is a duoble standard of sorts.

[WordsAplenty]

Yes! We have a kid down the street who comes over all the time. I have never met the mom, wouldn't know her if she walked up and hugged me. We've never spoken on the phone. Yet, her kid is always here. I've even asked the kid, "Don't you need to get permission?" Her answer? "It's okay. My parents don't care. I just have to be home at 6." She's 7.

That puts me in a weird position because she's always asking my kids to come to her house. I don't let my kids go to anyone's house unless I know the parents quite well. I know I look overprotective, but protecting my kids is my job. Too many parents wind up on the news, crying about a kidnapped or murdered child. I'm not blaming those parents, of course, but I figure the odds of tragedy are a bit less if I always know where they are and who they're with.

[seeemilywrite]

I dont have kids of my own, but I could totally see myself being the parent that lets my child just be home at 6...I would also have them leaving at like 5 for this adventure, and know who they were going to see. My kids would also be cell phone kids I imagine. I dunno....

[mcmama]

We had a kid like this on our street some years ago. The neighbors referred to her as "the local orphan". She was knocking on doors before 8 am wanting to know if anyone could come out and play. She was 3.

I tried contacting her parents a few times, but even when they were home they "weren't home". It was weird. So sometimes I had to shut the door on her, as we were not up, or not dressed. On weekdays it was difficult because I had family child care, and had to pay attention to the number of kids in the house at any time. Sometimes I would tell her that the children weren't feeling well but would she like to see if so and so across the street (and closer to her own house) was home? Then she would go to that house, the mom would open the door, we would do our mom signals across the street, and eventually the kid would be guided home. Her mom was home, and her dad ran a business from their house. They just were really clueless.

I thought that by inviting her to my son's birthday party with parents that we could break the ice a bit. The parents actually talked to me, but it was more about "What time should I pick her up, oh thank you for inviting her".

We moved right after they had another baby.

[babydawn]

Originally Posted by WordsAplenty

I don't let my kids go to anyone's house unless I know the parents quite well. I know I look overprotective, but protecting my kids is my job. Too many parents wind up on the news, crying about a kidnapped or murdered child. I'm not blaming those parents, of course, but I figure the odds of tragedy are a bit less if I always know where they are and who they're with.

I don't think you look overprotective. I think it is being smart. I would also like to point out that it isn't just the physical harm that could become to your child, but also other things. When I was 7, I had a friends house that I used to play at all of the time. Her dad looked at nasty porn magazines...with sex positions and full nasty croch shots, and we could look at them all we wanted, those images are still burned in my brain. Another friend of mine growing up, her dad had Playboys displayed out on the coffee table, and at sleepovers, they would rent us rated R horror movies. We were in elementry school. What about guns. We do have a few guns but they are kept in a place that my children can't get to and they aren't loaded. I don't want my kids playing at someones house that has a loaded hand gun in their nightstand for protection. There are so many variables and factors. I just feel like I need to know the family to protect my kids, and I don't think it is overprotective, and even if it is, that is my job. I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to one of my kids that I could have prevented by being a little caucious about who they hung out with. There is a happy medium that can be reached. At one side you have to allow your children to experience life, on the other side, there is no harm in making sure the places they go are safe. It is as simple as that.

[beth]

Glad to see thart there are a few moms out there who think their kids are more valuable than their cars!! Even if you do know the parents, it's impossible to know everything about them, but if you don't even know them, well, you may be exposing your child to some form of danger. I've even known of 5-year-olds who are allowed to go away on holidays with a school friend and the parents are unknown. How would you even know if the parent's drivers license was cancelled due to repeated driving infringements?

[mcmama]

Originally Posted by babydawn

. What about guns. We do have a few guns but they are kept in a place that my children can't get to and they aren't loaded. I don't want my kids playing at someones house that has a loaded hand gun in their nightstand for protection. There are so many variables and factors..

You are right about that. When my kids were school age, and they wanted to "hang out" at someone's house, I had to know the parents and I had to know if the parents were home. Who is the grownup who is home now? I used to ask. Uhh, my babysitter, my big brother.....No. I will call your mom or dad tonight and we will talk about when it is ok for a visit. Sometimes it was ok with the babysitter or the big brother, often not. And I did always ask about guns. People thought I was nuts, but I didn't care. I had friends whose parents had guns and like you they were locked away and everyone was super careful. That doesn't happen with some of these nutty people today.

Now I ask who's driving. Who needs a ride. Call if you are stranded, don't just get in a car. They said you could get a ride home with them? Oh good, let me call their mom and make sure she has directions and thank her...and I check the people out. If they are spacy, my kid is to make other arrangements. Like have me come and pick him up.

It's the same kind of mom thing, and they tell you that it is too much. I tell my kids that it is my job, and my right to worry - and they are obligated to put up with it!