[Presosa]

Pennsylvania Child support is ridiculous. How do they expect a man or women to live when they take so much support out. We need to get this law change and I feel there's alot of people who are with me. So, anyone have idea? If the mother is living with someone or getting paid more then the father it's ridiculous for the father to pay so much in support. Then they tell you get a second job for what so they may make the support higher. Okay, yeh will do what you say, Ha. we need to start a petician I probably spelled this wrong. My mother raised Three girls without the support of any man. It's time for a change and it should've happen yesterday not today.
removal of link to to breech of forum rules

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board, Presosa!

Maybe you need to talk to your state senator and represenative on these matters.
A petition with lots of signatures and addresses would also be helpful.
They would all need to be in Pennsylvania, of course.

If you feel this is not right, and mothers, children, or fathers are suffering,
stand up and be counted.

[MissyChrissy]

No woman should have to raise children without financial help from the biological father. How much would be spent if the marriage stayed intact? It's reasonable to expect the children would benefit every time dad received a raise if he still lived with them, so why now when they're not living with him? It's not the children's fault the marriage failed.

That being said, I have heard that PA is one tough state for fathers. Is moving an option? When my cousin's father walked out on them & went from NY to NC, the support law that ordered their case was where the father lived. NC will put non-paying dads in jail without hesitation though...and that was many years ago. Those "kids" are now in their 20's & 30's.

[mcmama]

Someone else here had a discussion of PA a while ago. Things do appear to be unreasonable.

No one should raise children without the financial support of the bio father. I know women who have, as a trade off for getting him out of their lives. They never truly are out of the childs life unless they take themselves out, and adult children often look back on their childhood and resent having to do without while daddy got off scott free. But that is not happening in a lot of cases in PA, apparently.

One of the problems of advocating for change in divorce laws is that people are often really really angry when they are motivated to do something about it. Angry disgruntled, dysfunctional people don't make a really great lobbying group.

Here outside of PA, in NY/NJ, I am in a support group for divorced people. One guy is living a very marginal existance, working full time, and most of his money goes to pay for his ex wife and her lover, who are both home all the time, to live in his former home with his kids. That's less a function of the state than it is of the fancy lawyer her daddy paid for. Yet we also have a lady who got what appears to be a generous settlement, but has to pay all the expenses of their adult disabled daughter and be her full time caregiver out of the settlement. The father of this disabled adult has no responsibility for this. Once his child support for the teen son goes, she will be impoverished, even with the alimony for life she is receiving. She'll never be able to work more than part time.

Then there's the lady who got lots of alimony for life. It's still a reduction in the standard of living for her, but barely noticeable for her ex husband (yes, he is wealthy). She's not complaining, just happy to start over on solid ground. She knew to hire a lawyer who could cut the garbage and convince her ex that he had more to lose by trying to punish her further. BTW, he was the one who was having affairs, and she was faithful and had no idea until he was picked up for lewd public stuff involving prostitution.

In a lot of places outside PA, the fairness of a settlement depends on the expense of the lawyer. The guy who supports his ex and her lover was forced to spend six figures in legal fees. At least he gets to see his children regularly. The ex wife's family really punished him with legal abuse, and he never saw it coming. I spent about 70,000 over 4 years, and I got to raise my kids, with constant "control" by their dad. But my child support was fair (he doesn't think so). He wanted to punish me for divorcing him, and did so with motion after motion after motion. Fathers rights you know! My "sentence" of joint custody ends when my youngest turns 18. Sad to be forced to look at your child's childhood as a "sentence" of being bound to an abuser.

If you organize for change, or to remove judges, enact new guidelines, etc, you have to be in it for the long haul and be sure that your own personal fury does not get in the way.

Anyone who thinks that insane child support guidelines deter divorce has got another think coming. It just makes divorce worse.

[Presosa]

Sorry, posted twice bear with me. I'm new here.

[Presosa]

Hi, it's unfair when she was the one found cheating and she's doing it out of spite. She has one child that is 16. We have two one has C.P and walks with a walker and needs special care . This child she has by him ( I would refer to her as the girl) now also works the mother earns more money then the father. She lives in Delaware, with a man, and two other people helping her with the bills, which they're also working at the same place earning $15.00 an hour while he gets paid $10.25 an hour. We have a mortage and the bills. While she can afford to get her hair done and nails done every week. My kids get a haircut once every two month. Myself once a year the most sometimes not even that. While she drives new car we have to drive used cars. Then she wants to call here and leave nasty messages calling him a bastard and now my kids all they do is repeat the word bastard. It's not fair when they take half your income to give to the other child. It's should be all equally divided not one kid stays without because the mother wants t live on a high horse, acting like movie star getting her hair and nails done. I thought child support was for the child not the parent. I prefer if I I brake up with him to be a part of the childs life not the money. Like I did when him and I were broken up for over a year. He was a part of the kids life. I did go to support and when I did that the visit slowed down so, I took him of and he was with them more. He bought them stuff and all. Like ny dad did my mother never received a peny from my father but he had me all summer, every school break, every other weekend. he bought all the clothes I needed. I think a child needs a father in their life, not money for a father.

[mcmama]

Child support and visitation are two separate issues. One can't depend on the other. Attempts to "prove" the kids spend a certain amount of time with dad and therefore he should not pay as much in child support are usually not worth the legal bills they force both parents to incurr.

Child support does not go directly to the child. It goes to the household. My mortgage or rent is the same, regardless of how many children live with me. Guidelines should take into consideration what the mom and stepdad earn, as well as child support paid by fathers of other children in the family.

New and used cars - I see the problem, but perhaps she has unwisely gone for a high interest line of credit, with the idea that there will be a trade in soon. Or a lease. Lots of people get pulled into that, and a used car will scare them if it does not come with financing or if they are afraid of sudden high maintenance. Myself, I drive - and buy- used.

Nails are what, $10 a week? Those of us who do our own repairs around the house find that is money out the window within 24 hours.

You should get a haircut more often than you do if you feel you need it, even if it is at a supercuts or beauty school. I cut out some convenience foods to put this back in my own budget. Unfortunately, the child support has increased incrementally, but my property taxes have increased exponentially - renting will not help, since the monthly payment is about the same here.

She may be punishing him for having a new life with you, while hers is the same old same old trying this and that and never getting ahead. She may also be trying to punish you. So don't let her drain on your household be a reason to treat yourself badly.

If you are supporting a child with special needs and she has other means of support, it could be that the existing order could be amended. Get a lawyer who knows specifically how to do this, who specializes in family law (not the guy who fished your friends cousin out of the drunk tank, a lot of people do this for divorce and regret it) and concentrate on the numbers. The CP child is every bit as entitled to proper support as the child from his former wife. They will likely look at any disability payments your family receives for the CP child as part of the total family income. One angle might be to prove what your child SHOULD have as part of routine care which is not covered by any disability payment or charity which you CANNOT afford because the child support going to the first one is too high. If you can prove that the mom of the first child is impoverishing a CP child, you may have a case. But get the right lawyer.

[Kharadriisa]

I think the child support system needs a overhaul. My Daughter's dad works and gets paid under the table because he works for his ex gf or whatever he calls her. They're together but not officially. He has to pay for 2 kids and he pays NOTHING. His first child he's never seen. His Second child he lives with and cares for his ex gf's other kid that isn't his. His third child -mine- He's never seen and may never see her since he's barely mentioned visiting. And his ex gf now live in never told the state that he's the father. She got welfare and child support, but the support was just handed to her never through the state and if he was late for a day she'd come to the door when i lived there and scream and hit the door til he came out and made her leave. She only wanted the money for going out and always had others to take care of her needs. -AKA the married man she lived with who later got her pregnant and we don't know what happened to that :P- He keeps quitting jobs everytime Support catches up to him and takes a few paychecks. Now he has it good. He lives with her their son and her daughter that he takes care of now instead of mine.

I'm angry how things work out, and I believe he should be in jail. Not because he's popping out kids, but because he refuses to work a real job and take care of them. I have two kids now and my life will never be easy. His shouldn't be either. All they said they can do is take away his license to drive. And I laugh so hard that I cry. Why? Because his license is already suspended for an accident. So yes please just slap a man's hand and say bad boy no more babies! Instead of throwing them into reality and making them wake up!

[mcmama]

I never understood the license thing. Why would you take away a tool that is necessary for working to make the money to pay the support in the first place?

NJ has put some teeth into the enforcement of existing orders. When they catch up with someone who loses a few paychecks whoopie do, they actually do enforce for back child support. I know someone whose kids are grown who is now collecting for 18 years of back owed support. With one in college and one having health issues, it couldn't have come at a better time. The state garnishes the deadbeat's wages. BTW, they caught up with him at his bachelor party on the eve of his wedding to his next victim. (who he had told he had no children) Someone finally recognized him and phoned it in to local law enforcement.

I'd rather see states enforcing existing orders than putting the burden of collection on continuing litigation.

[scrapbookguru]

I'm with you Janet. It never made sense to take the license away. For a couple of reasons. The primary being that yes, how indeed are they supposed to work, to make the money, that is owed to the CP. It's nuts, really. It also bothered me, because it does seem like such a slap on the wrist. Unless the guy has a job where he must be licensed so they look into it, they can still drive a normal car, and provided they are going the speed limit, and not doing anything stupid, they can still just drive around any old time they feel like it.

And while paying people under the table works for some, and I know it would suck for a lot of people, I think the penalties should be higher. Many guys work and get paid under the table or have it "in" with their employer to say they make less (they leave out overtime etc) and they don't have to pay as much in child support.

I get my child support each month, although its late usually, I still receive it and cannot really complain, plus dallas (where my divorce was finalized) offers direct deposit so it goes right into my account and i don't have to stalk the mailman anymore.