[xingmulan]

My mother is 60 years old and she is in relatively good health other than high blood pressure and high cholesterol. My mother was a homemaker and so we are very close. We often talk on the phone and we go out to local spots. She doesn't speak any English so I interpret for her and order food for her whenever we go out. I'm a married 32 year old educator. My mother has almost no education as she was raised by her brother and was impoverished her entire life. She has a conflict ridden marriage and her son (my only sibling) is disabled. Though my mother has talked about traveling, she never did for fear that she may die in the process and not be able to care for her disabled son. Recently, my father was hospitalized for 1.5 months for a foot surgery. When dad got out of surgery, I convinced my mother to travel with me and my husband to Vegas (one of her dreams). During the trip, she was extremely needy. She requested that I carry her bag, water, and jacket almost everywhere. I'm a petite woman so it was not easy.

I had to regularly fetch her water, sandwiches, and cookies despite the fact that we went to buffets to eat and she had fruits and granola bars in her hotel room. She refused to take the elevators by herself fearing that she would get lost (she has a cell phone). I had to walk her to the elevators (she was even afraid to look outside the glass elevator stating a fear of heights). I had to open/close her car door for her. On one occasion, I spent 1.5 hours buying her breakfast from Starbucks, then watched her eat, walked with her to choose a lunch venue, and then watched her choose the perfect slot machine and showed her how to use it.

To keep her company, I made multiple trips to her hotel room and sat with her. This was her first and perhaps only vacation so I wanted her to enjoy herself. During our first sight seeing trip in Vegas, my mother wanted to sit inside the casino and "talk" about her conflict with my dad. She also wanted to look at clothes instead of seeing the sights. She did not appear to be impressed with the Vegas sights but instead focused on getting rest, food, and attention . What bothered me was how she even mentioned that she could have enjoyed this trip with her friend who is her age. My husband mentioned to me that she did not seem to appreciate my efforts. Even though this trip was about her, she seemed overly consumed with caring for her personal needs.

My mother justified her behavior to her lack of English skills and fear of being in a foreign place even though Vegas is not that different from San Francisco (her resident city of 30 years) . I lost patience with my mother and started complaining about her behavior. We were in a small restaurant and not talking to each other. When dinner ended, I complained to her again and my mother broke down in tears and told me how awful I was being to her and that she had spoiled me. I felt like a big fat zero. I was shocked at her display of emotion.

As much as I love my mother, I felt stiffled by my mother's constant need for attention during this 4 day trip. I don't mind taking care of her but on this trip, I felt like an unappreciated servant. But now I feel even worse because I made my mother cry on her only vacation. She hasn't called me since. As much as it hurts to say this, I was really ashamed of my mother during this trip. I really hated seeing my mother reduce herself to such a pathetic mess when all my life, I always saw her as a strong role model who kept the family together. My mother appears to have lost all the spunk of her youth, and she is only 60 years old. What should I do with this new person my mother has become? Please advise.