[adopt]

Hi everyone,
I am new to this forum, and am glad for finding this...
I need an advice, I am currently in U.S for the past 3 years with my husband and 3.5yrs old daughter...and me and my husband are thinking of adopting...
we are planing to go back to our home country in about 2-3 yrs and take the child with us. The reason we want to adopt here is that no one from our families will know that the child is adopted, (we want to help a child, a new born, but also want the child to be ours, and not to tell him/her that he is adopted)...
I am not sure if this is possible...
if yes, how should we go about...
Currently we are in Goergia, but might change the state also...
Any advice will be appriciated...
Thanks

[tdbrower]

My husband and I are also considering adoption. We have a 12 year old son, and our daughter died from SIDS when she was 3 months and 27 days, so we would like to have another child, but I have had my tubes tied.
I think adopting is a great gift, but I feel that in case something goes wrong with the child, when they are old enough to know, they should know they are adopted. If they were to need something from a biological family member, I think it would be tough to try to explain about the adoption then, instead of beforehand. But, this is just my opinion.
Terri Brower

[adopt]

Originally Posted by tdbrower

My husband and I are also considering adoption. We have a 12 year old son, and our daughter died from SIDS when she was 3 months and 27 days, so we would like to have another child, but I have had my tubes tied.
I think adopting is a great gift, but I feel that in case something goes wrong with the child, when they are old enough to know, they should know they are adopted. If they were to need something from a biological family member, I think it would be tough to try to explain about the adoption then, instead of beforehand. But, this is just my opinion.
Terri Brower

The main reson I don't want my adopted child to know that he or she is adopted, because I feel if I stop the child from doing something wrong there will be lots of people mostly, may be, my realtives who will say the reason I am saying no is because he is adopted and that I love my birth daughter more...
there are lots of people who spoil a child and i never want the child to worry why his parents left him or anything like that....and i don't think that the child will in any reason will need his birthparents help....I am not sure if its possible.....but i think so...

[PamConnell]

I think that what tdbrower meant by needing something from birth relatives was medical information. Nowadays doctors always want to know genetic risk factors for cancer, heart disease, asthma, learning disabilities and many other things. My insurance company even decides when they will pay for mammograms and other health screenings based on how old a biological relative was she/he had the disease. My adopted daughters know a tiny bit but they have so many more questions we now cannot get answers to. Also sometimes you hear of people who need a bone marrow transplant which is very hard to find compatible bone marrow without biological relatives.
I also have one biological child (and two adopted daughters) and worry sometimes about how others see me disciplining, if they might think I am stricter with my daughters because I am racist, when in truth they just aren't around when I have to scold my son.
Most newborns placed for adoption in the US are in some degree of "open" placement which means the birthparents and adoptive parents have some level of contact--anything from exchanging non-identifying medical info, to annual reassurance letters that the child is fine, to actual contact. US agencies also facilitate adoptions from other countries where sometimes there is no background information available (my daughters are Korean, I have an information sheet about their birthparents but no arrangements to stay in contact) and some kids in China, for example, are most often brought to orphanages anonymously so there is no information at all. Some countries also give preference to people of that heritage (for example, a couple of Indian heritage will usually have preference over a Caucasian couple to adopt a child from India).
You can find more information on adoption by reading the adoption blog here at families.com, or at adoption.com. I wish you good luck and think it is wonderful that you wish to give a child a home and raise them as your own (which they will be, whether they know of their birth origins or not).

[adopt]

Thanks PamConnell...
I think This is one of the thing I really hadn't given a thought. I'll look into this concept also now.

[MJ7]

On behalf of the MANY, MANY adoptees who were either never told of their adoption or told at a later age I beg of you to be honest with your child. Adoption does not have to be a secret and shameful thing at all. We are proud to have had our family brough together this way. Keep in mind, a child would not know any differently. You tell them they're adopted at a young age and it'll be all they know. My father in law recently found out about his adoption in a freakish way and it has been devistating at the age of 60+ because his mother felt she was doing the better thing. Please visit this blog on the story: http://adoption.families.com/blog/th...option-secrets.

[adopt]

Thanks MJ7
I think after this story. I'll definately like to tell the child that he is adopted myself than he having it know from anyone else. But won't that child feel betrayed by his birth parents? In all my family I just know 1 adoption case and in that case they couldn't have a child so they adopted as a last means.(Adoptions are no common in my country) I already have a child so I am a bit nervous about telling my family although my husband supports me in this.

[PamConnell]

Hi adopt,
Hopefully your family will admire you wanting to help a child who needs a home while you build your family.
You can read a lot about adoption at our adoption blog here at families.com, or adoption.com, or Adoptive Families magazine. Since in the case of my daughters we have some information but no contact with birthparents, it seemed strange to me at first that some people have contact. But through reading the stories of people who've adopted in all different ways it has come to seem not so strange to me. There are also kids' books explaining adoption and a book for adults called Talking to Young Children About Adoption. This can help parents explain how it's likely their birthparents cared for them but just were not able to parent them and realized adoption was better for the kids.
Good luck in your journey, Pam