[stephanienminnesota]

So as some of you know my ex is in jail on a matter I put in another thread. I have a restraining order against him and so do all the kids. But, as a lawyer told me Dads have rights to the kids. He (Chris) has requested that he be able to see the boys this weekend. I feel bad saying No just b/c it's their Dad but on the other hand, I do not want them exposed to things that happen in jail and I know the 4 yr old will have a ton of questions. I don't know what to do b/c like I said on the one hand he is their dad but on the other hand I am a little unsure if I want them exposed to Jail and visits in the jailhouse? I Am confused at this point beyond belief.

[DivasMomma]

do you HAVE to take them by law??? I wouldnt....period. Especially because he is in jail from doing something harmful to their mother...they dont need to know that. When I was 18, my dad was also in jail. I did not want to see him there. I waited until he was out of jail to go visit

[purelegance]

it's possible i misunderstood you, but it sounds like to me the kids have a restraining order against the dad.. is this right? if that is the case, then NO he shouldn't see the kids. if a judge feels there's enough reason for him not to have contact with the kids, then HE SHOULD NOT SEE THE KIDS. especially in a prison-setting. is he nuts?

[MommaColleen]

I agree with Amber. If the kids have a protection order against him then he does not deserve to see them until he straightens himself out.

GL and

[stephanienminnesota]

OK. So, I just talked to the lawyer and since he never ""threatened" the boys they no longer have the restraining order against their dad. I know his parents said they'd take the boys down there but I guess I was very uncomforatable with the whole situation. I think I'm just at a complete loss for what to think right now. Thanks All.

[deedee1231]

I know this is statng the obvious but... your children's father is behaving very selfishly by even suggesting that the boys visit him in jail. He is clearly not putting the children's best interests first.

Does he have court ordered visitation? If he doesn't, you do not have to go along with this, and even if he does have a court ordered visitation schedule, I doubt you are required to comply with this. Your visitation should spell out the procedure for transferring physical custody of the children from one parent to the other and then back again. These instructions are usually very explicit in cases like yours (restraining orders between parents) and if they do not specifically state instructions for jailhouse visitation, you do not have to go along with it. You need to make an appointment to speak to your attorney and tell him you want to get a visitation order in place if you do not have one already. I know you probably think this will benefit the father and may be reluctant, but it will protect your children and you from situations like this one.

The father being incarcerated is not an issue, if he has a case in court the county can arrange for him to be present at the hearing.

[DivasMomma]

actually i just remembered reading the above post...her in PA you do NOT have to follow court ordered visitation if the parent is in jail. I know this because my GF's daughters father (did you follow that haha) got put in jail...he was excused from paying child support, and she didnt have to take their daughter to see him. HTH

[QueenAngie]

I sat acrossed from a policeman last night at a city wide banquet.
And we had a similar discussion.

Jails are noisy, people are screaming & irrational, they stink of human perspiration/body excretement/vomit/foul odors, not even begining to address being searched for contraban and going through metal detectors.

The man is a jerk, IMO.

Wishing you all the best.

[stephanienminnesota]

Update 9/22~~~ So, I couldn't bring myself to let kids go see Dad this weekend. I feel kind of bad but then I am like he is where he needs and deserves to be. Instead, My cousin, her son, her dh, and me, my friend nate, and the boys went to an apple orchard. The kids had a blast they obviously let the boys pick their own apples, had hayrides, had a petting zoo, a park, a corn maze, etc... Saturday night we all came back to my house and had dinner and hung out. Sunday, the boys spent the day with grandma and grandpa. But, now Chris (ex DH) is like livid with me and is being a total jerk about the whole thing. I just don't know what to do with him anymore?

[mcmama]

AVOID HIM.

HELP YOUR CHILDREN AVOID HIM.

If the law is on your side, use it. If not, comply with it as minimally as you can.

They do NOT need a man in their lives if he is abusive. The lessons he teaches will last longer than the lessons you teach, because the lessons you teach will be constantly undermined, and you will be weakened.

You don't have to "do anything with him". Look at what he did to you. Beat the mother of his children savagely and publicly. Oppressed you so that you cannot even take a walk in the park without fear when he is free.

Let him rot his butt in jail where he will be abused as he abused you. And keep your kids away from the jail. Make the law work for you.

Get the hell away from this monster if it is legally possible and the fathers rights laws are not oppressing you into staying in the area, and "cooperating" with your attacker, and "giving him a chance" to be a parent. He has had those chances since they were born, and he opted to beat and oppress you. And get your children away. They must know that he cannot be trusted, and that his abuse of you is not just your problem, it is a family problem and the whole family needs to stay safe.