[Alisa]

My mom is in her 60's. She was living in Arizona until my dad died. She has many (so-called) medical issues...Fibromyalgia/CFS as well as taking too many meds just to name a few. So she wanted to move closer to us in Michigan. We offered to help move her here but she wanted to be independant. So she moved herself...her and a moving van that she drove. Anyway, 2 years later and . She is driving me crazy! She is a very judgmental person in the first place. She sees quite a few doctors for medical problems that I think she seeks attention for. And if a doctor tells her something she doesn't want to hear, she drops him and finds someone else. She has so many specialists, its a wonder the insurance company doesn't drop her. Anyway, I work for the local Commission on Aging (go figure) and I see my job as extremely important since I have 2 kids and a husband to raise . I told her I would take her to some appointments she had coming up. When I tried planning around my job, she got bent out of shape saying that the *&%#* COA should not be keeping me from my mom. Well, I had a long talk with her and how we could plan future appointments and she seemed to understand...until yesterday. I had made arrangements to take her to her appointment on Monday. My job called and told me they would have to reschedule a meeting and could I do it on monday. I called to see if she still needed me to drive her to her appointment. She did tell me that it might be possible that she could drive herself so I was just confirming this. 5 minutes later, I get a call back from her and she is crying. Again she said that *%#* COA. She just can't understand that I have a job and a family to support. They did reschedule the meeting to Wednesday instead of Monday but now she and I (once again) are at odds. This is just 1 example of what I have to deal with on a day by day basis. She keeps telling me "why did I ever come to Michigan". She has also made promises to the kids to spend some time with them but she cancels at the last minute. It is like she is seeking attention from me (possessive) because everyone around me including my husband does not matter to her. I did try to get an escort driver for her to these appointments. She said she didn't want a stranger to take her. She does not want to ever go into a nursing home.... Yet this may be my only salvation.

[angelic_ky]

it feels to me that she is seeking your attention... she may feel that she is old and may not have much longer left... my granfather does a simular thing to my granmother, she will be heading out to spend the day with their daughters and us gran - and great gran - kids and he will complain to her that he will be dead by the time she comes back... he also has Emphysema and he goes around breathing really heavy, but we know this is another of his attention acts cos when he isn't thinking about it his breathing is fine

[floridamama]

It also sounds to me like she is seeking your attention. What a tough spot for you to be in! I don't really have any wise words for you, but I am sending a hug your way!
Hang in there!

[myambiquity]

I am wondering how your situation is? Did you find a successful way for you to cope and deal?

Thanks

[karlafromky]

I too believe your mom may be mustering up a little attention getting drama but isn't that how we all grow up (think of your kid's toddler years and up) and behave if we aren't getting what we need in life? Perhaps your mom is realizing she really is not going to be here forever, and she knows everyone is busy, but wants her time too. She in some respect probably sees that little girl in you she misses. It's a shame about her resentment for your own family. If she could let a bit of that go, she would see the joy in being a part of her daughter's beautiful family. I do have to give her this...at 54, my aches and pains are starting to come in...hope I can keep from being grumpy as they will probably worsen with age.

Hoping you get the answers you need...prayin' for you here in KY...KarlafromKY

[IvanZhilin]

I have found that there is a great disparity between full-fledged Nursing Homes and Old Age Homes (a form of assisted living).

Old Age Homes can do a lot of the things that Nursing Homes do at about half the price. They can give meds that the patient's representative supplies. They can change diapers. They can be much more caring and nurturing as well. Some do adult day care as a prelude to full time care. Some are run by religious communities.

This was my experience with my mom, who passed from AD about 8 years ago. She did not have to go to a Nursing Home until she started to become combative and uncooperative during the last year of her life.

A nursing home would also be necessary if a person needs an IV.

My mom's Nursing Home Insurance covered the Old Age Home stay as well as the Nursing Home stay, by the way.

It really pays to ask around and look around. The really good Old Age Homes usually have waiting lists of six months or so. If someone is contemplating the need to move a LO from home care, they need to plan ahead.