[Mogulander]

[quote=AngieKA]Hello Everyone.

I have a four year old, Leesa, she is a fantastic child, and is very adoring and lovable, she is unfortunately at a time in her life where she thinks she knows everything, a little to soon I think.
She is a Scorpio child, and I am a Scorpio mother, so we clash a bit, and i don't want that, i want her to grow up not remembering the fights and arguments we have had.
Angie, sounds like you have your hands full. I don't know if this will help, but I would have a look back at my own childhood to see what frightened you and why you used to rebel. Also a good point that you raise is the one on one you and your daughter shared for a while; now she has to take a back seat. You may not see that but she does with two extra people coming into her life and that the time now has to be shared on three of you. She has had to accept this situation without regard for her, that's what she is feeling, and being a spirited Scorpio does not help as they are very protective as you would know of things that belong to them. Anyone invading that space will get stung, and unfortunately it sounds as if you are having the same reaction as your daughter, that is listen girl this is my space so you will do as you are told, then you lose the plot. Maybe not in those words but you can hear where I am coming from. Basically the child needs security reassurance, and it has to come from you.
Though this is not on par with your problem, it is in a sense from the same angle. Short story so you can see how this evolved.
Two years ago march 30th I lost my 18 year old daughter leaving us with a grandson 18 months old. My wife cared for him and spoilt him rotten, then on March 27th this year I lost my wife, and have become sole carer of my grandson. We also had a Great Dane that he grew up with that died through a road accident at the end of June, at the same time my 15 year old daughter who has had problems accepting her mothers death moved out. So for my Grandson who is 4 on Saturday has had one loss after another over the last couple of years.
He became very rebellious and ended up me having to lose my job to look after him as he would not go back to kindy, the tears were sad to see. I had already deduced it was loss and fear of being left that was tormenting him, but how do you explain or show a three year old, or even try and get him to understand?
I am by nature a very patient person, and very seldom get angry as I can see and sort problems before they manifest. But this situation had caught me off guard and I was getting a little hot under the collar as no reason or reasoning could break this barrier with him. So after about three weeks I started talking to him about going back to Kindy so that poppy (Australian for Grandad) could start to get things done and find another job, this lasted for two weeks and he appeared to be ready to go back.
The day arose and duly we arrived at kindy, and the tears started to roll which I expected, but was not prepared for what happened next. As I tried to leave chairs were slung across the room, the carer was kicked and the door was constantly kicked as well as the screaming. I went back into the room, grabbed him by the scruff of his collar and marched him out. I then instilled two sharp smacks to the bottom which he has never had before, I then knelt in front of him to look him in the eye whilst holding his collar to maintain eye contact and in a sure voice, not shouting but assertive told him straight that no one was leaving him, that he would be coming home later and everyone will be there. I then stood up and marched him back into the room and left.
When I got back that afternoon I fully expected him to be somewhere else and me to be arrested as you are not allowed to smack children these days especially in public. I apologised for what I did, but was soon silenced by the staff saying what you did was right for the moment, and that the day was the best they have ever had with him. That was three weeks ago, and everyday is a bonus and now he runs into kindy and looks forward to each day.
Like I said, it probably has no relevance to your situation, but keeping your cool and not coming down to your daughters level and shouting, taking your time to analyse what it is that is disturbing her and dealing with it before it escalates into something she will never understand and become part of her is what you need to do.
I don't envy you in your efforts with this, but wish you well and hope this helps even in a little way. God Bless Paul