[cristie_gce]

I am really needing advice/encouragement! My mother is driving me crazy! I am a very career minded person. I love my job and I love working. I only work, at the most, 43 hours a week ( not a huge amount of overtime) and when I come home I play with my son. We go to the park or bounce on the trampoline. In other words, I don't feel like I rob him of Mommy time b/c all of my extra time is with him. My mom is making me feel horrible. All she can talk about is how aweful it is that I worka and how I am robbing him. The way I see it, I am providing for him. When I was growing up I couldn't partisipate in any sports, cheerleading, getting a SR. Ring or anything extra b/c we couldn't afford it. My son will be able to do any of that that he wants to b/c his dad and I work hard for it. Growing up my parents never owned a home. We moved from school to school looking for cheaper rent. Now, I am not bashing those that struggle (Lord know we still struggle) I am just making the point that that is how SHE chose to raise her family. Yes, she was home with us, that is a PRO, but there are PROS and CONS to working and/or staying home. Now that I am pregnant she is making it out like I am just popping out babies for someone else to take care of!!!!!! That could not be further from the truth! I NEVER leave my son on the weekends or in my free time. I cherish the time with him when I am not working! But I don't think that a woman has to choose between a career and a family! Strong women can have both!!

Please understand if you are reading this and you choose to be a SAHM! I commend you for what you are doing! It's a great choice, my arguement is just that I don't feel that SAHM are any better than working moms. We have just chosen a different path.


Thanks for letting me rant!

[JeanLynn81]

Being strong isn't always the issue with balancing career and family. I consider myself strong, but right now I cannot afford to work because I'd put everything back into daycare. There's no one to help me, and watch Alyssa for a cheaper rate.

I know I need college if I'm ever going to have a good career, but I don't have the wit to do anything I want...so like most people who go to college for the first time, struggle with finding the career path that is right for them.

I'm assuming you make enough money at your job, that it doesn't all go into daycare. If that's the case, I would be doing the exact thing you are doing. Times are changing, and everything costs a heck of a lot more than it did when we were kids, but the job wages haven't gone up much to balance that.

More and more families are homeless today than ever before. This crisis is reaching into our middle class now. Lots of children are being affected by this.

It absolutely does NOT make you a bad mother for preparing for that. Who knows if the depression is or isn't going to happen again? But if it does, you'll be better prepared for your family. Tehn what is mom going to say?

Do what you need to do to keep your family's heads above water, and don't worry about what other people think. You're a great mom.

[Eco-mama]

Hello Cristie
Me too, I am a working mother working (or being away from my son) on average 50 hours per week. I love my son and I love what I do too. I don't think a modern woman should choose between work and home. I do think that being a working mother gives a lot more balance to life than just being a mom-full-stop. I have about an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening OF QUALITY TIME to spend with my son then all weekend too. To be honest, this is quite enough I find. I can also take the occasional day off to be with him during the week if I want to. I think this is perfect for me. My mother does nag me from time to time for not spending my days with my son. But seriously I do believe only you yourself can determine how much time is enough for you and your son. Some moms stay with their kids all day long 7 days a week. I think the importance is on QUALITY not Quantity.
I hope you know what I mean. Let me know your thoughts! Would love to hear from you.
Eco-mama

[J920]

It is most definitely a personal choice. And no we SAHMs are not better than ones that work. Mind you I am SAHM for about only 2 weeks now. lol.
I have worked since I was 14 and when I was pregnant with my first it never occurred to me that I would be a SAHM. But then as the months went on and now on baby #2 I changed my tune. I was spending 40 hours a week at work, and coming home only to feed the baby and put her to sleep. So essentially I was giving her the scraps of my time, energy and focus. When weekends came it was time to catch up on household things. But the real deciding factor, is that in a job you are replacable. And no matter how awesome daycare workers are, its still a job to them as well. But kids will only have one mom and that is the legacy we will think about when we are on our death beds.
If your mom feels that strongly about it, she should try a better approach. Nagging never works for me. Whatever you decide, you and your husband or just you sit down with her and tell her your decision and that from that point forward you dont want to hear anymore about it. Its not like guilt is going to make you change your mind, it has to come from you organically and if it doesnt thats your decision to make for the good of your family. GL

[oweirdo]

Cristie you are being the best mom you can be. No body has the right to judge that, as a mom you do the best you can, give all you can, and thats all we can do. Being a working mom or a SAHM does not effect the love we have for our kids. You are providing him with the best life you can. It does take 2 jobs in most families now days, and its hard on the mom and dads too. We should be supportive of each other, as moms, and stop worrying about how others spend their day. We all have to do what we feel is best for us and our family.

Originally Posted by Eco-mama

Hello Cristie
Me too, I am a working mother working (or being away from my son) on average 50 hours per week. I love my son and I love what I do too. I don't think a modern woman should choose between work and home. I do think that being a working mother gives a lot more balance to life than just being a mom-full-stop. I have about an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening OF QUALITY TIME to spend with my son then all weekend too. To be honest, this is quite enough I find. I can also take the occasional day off to be with him during the week if I want to. I think this is perfect for me. My mother does nag me from time to time for not spending my days with my son. But seriously I do believe only you yourself can determine how much time is enough for you and your son. Some moms stay with their kids all day long 7 days a week. I think the importance is on QUALITY not Quantity.
I hope you know what I mean. Let me know your thoughts! Would love to hear from you.
Eco-mama

Eco-mama some of the things you said were a bit offensive, maybe you did not mean them that way, however that is how I read them. I do work, barely 4 hours a day 5 days a week, taking care of my own mom. But overall I consider myself a SAHM, I dont do this job for the money. I do it for my mom, she needs the help and I dont want someone I dont know caring for her. So I took the job, believe me its nice to have the extra cash for things I want, but we could live with out it.
I belive I have a perfectly balanced life. It takes balance to have time split up between kids. They each have things they want to do, and need help with. Its not all time wasted to me, and its not all easy either. Your right the quality of the time is very important, VERY! But having my kids with me all the time is just the best thing for us. The cost of 3, almost 4 kids in daycare would take all the money I made if I were to get a real job.
So for us the best thing is me staying home. Just like for you and your family its you working. Yes there are times when I wish I had some time away from it all, they dont last long, and I am sure that it would be hard for you to all of a sudden be a SAHM. To each family they own, what is best for them.

[cristie_gce]

Thank you for all of your comments. I know that I am not robbing my son b/c I do spend so much quality time with him. I feel like I am doing the best for my family. I just don't agree with my mom and she is NOT THE GIVING UP KIND! lol But, me working is not up for debate. This is who I am and who I always will be. I just wish she could agree to disagree and leave it at that. Thanks again!

[Samual]

Ok, ask your mother this. How do she believe you can raise a child when a whole wage is gone? Is money suddenly going to appear out of thin air?

[twinzplus3]

I almost didn't answer this one and I know I'm going to get in trouble with someone. . .but I'll throw out a few thoughts for you to consider. . .

Hind sight is always 20/20. I think if we moved forward remembering that, we'd make wiser choices. Of course SAHMs aren't better for staying at home than working moms are. And you have to set boundaries with parents/in-laws. . .you are right it's simply not her decision to make.

But I have to be honest and say that I know far too many women who have really regreted their decision in the end to believe in the idea that it's quality over quantity. It's really about both. You have to spend a good quantity of quality time. I also know way too many kids who had lots of stuff growing up and missed their parents. It is great to have them in all those fun activities. . .but not so great for them if you miss the games because you're working.

I'm not at all saying you're doing that--don't misunderstand. And I think your mom doesn't and shouldn't get a vote. I'm sure you do a wonderful job as a mother and in balancing everything. I'm just saying that it's not quality over quanity and thinking that way. . .will get you into trouble over the long haul. I think someone said this but I'll second. . .it's really more about balancing your needs (not wants) with the quantity of time and quality of attention that your kids need.

In any case, I'm sorry your mom is giving you a hard time. You're a great mom!

[MommyDee]

Both my parents worked, but we still had supper together every evening and spent excellent quality time together; a family doesn't necessarily need a SAHM to have a good family life. Personally, I'd love to be able to work part- or full-time, but work on top of looking after my babies stresses me out -- thus I'm a SAHM lol. If your son is happy, you're happy, and you feel you're spending a good amount of quality time with him, then you're doing an awesome job. Everyone has their opinions, and although your mom's differs from yours on this one, it's not her call.

[beth]

Ironically, your mother is unwittingly taking precious time away from you and your son, at least mentally. You are spending time questioning your decision, which you were already happy with. Tell your mother firmly that the topic is closed and that she is only further reducing time with your son by constantly harping on this issue. If she could be more accepting and supportive, all of you would be happier.