[Magic_Mikki]

Lately it feels like things have been "off" between DH and I. I'm just not sure why, or what it is. I have ideas, but I don't know if they are the actual problem, or just issues because of the problem, know what I mean?

Right now, with this horrible recession, we just don't seem to be on the same financial page. For Christmas my brother gave us a book called "The Total Money Makeover: A Guide to Financial Fitness". It's hard to get into it, but basically the book is about getting out of debt (meaning cars, house, student loans, everything) and living in financial peace, no matter what your income level is. If you have a chance, I HIGHLY recommend to book! Anyway, I've been reading it slowly since we've gotten it, but DH refuses to read it. It has such great advice and stats and facts in it, and I just can't believe he is so close-minded! I didn't marry a close-minded person! Well, I guess I did.

The whole financial thing is really getting to me. We're not on the same page, and he doesn't care to be "financially fit" and that's not OK with me. Tomorrow we are meeting with my dad (he is a realtor) to talk about selling our house (or at least listing it to see what happens). He's kind of angry about it, but we'll see where it goes.

[Momof2kids]

I think that the whole financial thing is rough for everyone, no matter what your situation is.....maybe he not ready to discuss it. Give him sometime, hopefully he will come around. Be patient until then.......easier said then done right?

[DK615617]

I hope things work out for you.
Hang in there. Maybe it is rough for him to face how stressfull finances are right now.

[KR258]

Me and my dh seem to be on different planets right now and I'm not sure what its about....but he doesn't talk to me so I'm not sure what to even do about it.

Just wanted to say I hope it gets better for you!!! 's

[VinniesMommy]

Financial stress is rough... especially when you don't agree. Normally, I let DH make his stupid mistakes, see the outcome, and make him fix it. That's really the only way he'll see it my way. Like the impulse blue-ray purchase he made. After a day, he realized it was stupid, and took it back. I'm not saying that's a good idea with everything, but somethings. Maybe soak in what you got out of the book, and bring it up in conversation instead of making him read it. Just make casual conversation like you thought of it yourself... I'm not sure... I make all the huge financial choices, and he just goes along with it. If you don't mind me asking, why are you selling your house, and why doesn't he think it's a good idea? (My DH was totally against us moving, even though there was 5 of us in a 2 bedroom apartment, and I had to go over numbers time and time again and make LOTS of points to convince him that it was a good idea!) Good luck!

[mcmama]

Depending on where you are, selling your house might not be such a good idea. You might find you are upside down on your mortgage, owing more than the house is worth at the moment - but in another 10 years you may have equity that you otherwise would not have had, and appreciated value. And you still have to have a place to live.

My ex and I bought a house in 1987, at the top of that real estate cycle. Within a few months, the market came tumbling down, and we owed more than the house was worth. We were also selling our co-op in NYC, and while we did make a profit on that, it was a long and costly process. We nearly walked away from it.

Within 10 years, the market changed, and the value of the house had appreciated beyond what we had paid (but not beyond what we spend on improvements and an addition since he didn't want to move but we needed the room) It was shortly after that, as the market was heading even higher, that we divorced and he bought me out.

The house NOW, even in a down market, is worth more than amount of those investments. Depending on his financing, he's either breaking even or is ahead for the long term. Had we stayed married, we would have been further ahead in terms of equity in the house, as the market value now is under double the amount of the purchase price and construction costs.

That seems like a long time - but it is a way to build equity. Don't sell unless you absolutely have to. What did your dad say?

[Magic_Mikki]

Thanks for the replies, everyone! My post was incredibly unorganized and all over the place. Truthfully, I didn't get a chance to even finish all that I was going to say! DH was in another room watching TV, but came into the living room where I was writing the post and wanted to know what I was "talking about now"! He knows I'm a Families addict! LoL! I didn't want him to know what I was writing about because I didn't want him to feel like I was talking about him, ya know?

Anyway, I wanted to sell our house because we are trying to get out of debt. I have student loans, DH has a credit card, he leases a car (which is the stupidest way to have a vehicle, and I was so angry when he decided to do that).. Our mortgage isn't the only part about owning a home that is getting us. Our energy company (Xcel Energy) just raised their prices by 33% this winter, our association fees went up (we live in a townhome) because the association needs to be able to pay their contractors, whose prices went up, our property taxes went up... Not to mention food, (gas for a while there, and now it's on the rise again), Everything is just getting us good! We wouldn't make money off the sale, but we wanted to see if we could at least break even and rent for another couple of years.

Well, DH finally got on board and agreed that if we could sell our house we would be sooo much better off! We talked with my dad and he pulled some recent sales in our neighborhood with townhouses exactly like ours and we would totally be losing on in! We figured that would be the case, but we wanted to talk about all of our options first, before we made any assumptions. I'm kind of relieved because I love where we live and don't really want to sell. But at the same time I'm disappointed because I was really looking forward to being better off financially.

DH and I are still not really on the same page financially in other areas. He seems to go out to lunch every single day that he works, and justifies it because he goes to fast food places and orders off the dollar menu. It adds up REALLY fast, and not to mention, that's not exactly good for the health! But then I will have a lunch date with a friend and he goes bezzerk! It is just annoying. He also doesn't want to hear of the financial mistakes he has made or is making, but if he continues to make these mistakes, we're in trouble! I'm not talking about lunch, or anything. I'm talking about that leased car I was talking about earlier... It's like throwing money out the window! It is a rent-to-own, and in the end we are either paying out our ears just to get rid of the car, or paying out our ears just to keep the car, and either way, we'll be paying more in the long run than the car is actuallly worth! It's disappointing, and makes my heart feel heavy, know what I mean??

We also have disagreements on a ton of other things, too. When we got married, DH felt it was OK to use part of our wedding money to get a huge, flat screen, top of the line TV instead of investing or paying toward the mortgage or paying off part of his stupid leased car. We already HAD a flat screen! It was just older and smaller, but who cares?? Plus we had a regular TV! We weren't hurting for TV's!!!!! We fought and fought and fought about it, until one day he and his dad (who is his biggest enabler of financial mistakes) went out behind my back and came home with the **** TV. I like the TV, but I hate what it represents. It is totally not worth it. DH kept saying that it was "the only thing he really wanted"! Well, DH, unfortunately the "only thing you really want" costs over TWO GRAND! How about this-- The only thing I really wanted was a new car! Should we go blow money on that, even though I already drive a fine, reliable car? He didn't get my point. He got the TV anyway.

But those are just a couple of examples. And I'm frustrated that he doesn't want to hear how we can make life better. Both of our spending habits have gotten much more under control, but it's not just about the spending on useless things. It's about spending wisely on our needs, and it's about saving. I feel stressed that DH leaves me with the responsibility of a good chunk of our finances. He closely follows the bank account and 'monitors' it, but that doesn't do any good if you don't know what to do with the money! I pay all the bills at the end of the month, and I figure out what to eat and buy the grocerys, I buy the kids' clothes, diapers, everything! He buys lunch. That's it.

Anyway, thanks for those of you who made it through my ENTIRE post! LoL! I know it's a long one, and it's mostly venting. That's hard to get through, I know! And Nichole, you are right on when you say make a conversation of it instead of trying to force him to read the book. I've really been doing that. Yesterday I just casually threw out some numbers about leasing a car and how bad it is, and how that money could go into a mutual fund MAKE us money, and he started to get it. And I tried that with a couple other financial things, too, and he is starting to seem interested... hopefully!!

[MissyChrissy]

(((oops-wrote when you were posting an update)))

Anyway, hang in there. Whenever finances are tight it puts a strain on relationships. It sounds like you both could benefit from counseling so you can each work toward common goals.

[Magic_Mikki]

I agree, Chrissy! We have brought the subject up a couple of times, but it is just a matter of doing it! We both agree that it would be beneficial. We were thinking a financial councelor would be most effective! I just don't even know where to begin!

I also have an interview for a new job next Tuesday, which has a great salary and benefits! I'm hoping that takes a little bit of the strain off our finances, but it will still be stressful because I'm a full time student. Finally in my last semester (after what feels like a million years of school!)

Anyway, thanks for making it all the way through my post! LoL! It was a big one!

[MissyChrissy]

Good luck with the prospective job!