[purelegance]

So DH and I had our chat monday.

he point blank said he wants to "get rid of it" and that was pretty much the end of the discussion. I debated it for a few days (something i'm none too proud of) but after talking with my best friend, i know i just cannot do it. It wasn't an option with Izabell (who was a complete surprise as well, and we weren't married at the time), it certainly is NOT an option the 2nd time around.

well, i told DH this and he didn't like it too much. he went out about 20 minutes after i told him, and TBH i don't expect him home until the morning so i can go to work.

i'm just so angry because he was SO happy with izabell, and we were under the same conditions without being married. you can't tell you're girlfriend how you cannot wait, then tell your wife to "get rid of it." Way way before izzy, we even had a discussion and i told him "im prochoice, but i could never do it." and he said "i would never ask you." (i wish i had a time machine right now). he's been so angry ever since we found out, except for the time i was weighing my options. it's like i'm married to a completely different person. i've never seen him act so controlling before.

sorry this is so long, i'm kinda rambling.

[KR258]

I am so sorry that he said that to you. 's I hope he changes his mind. I could never do it either...My dh has a talent for saying the wrong things alot lately too. It is like he's a different person completely and I'm not sure why he's changed or how to adjust to these changes. I can understand why your dh is upset but you didn't do this on purpose and he's not being fair to you. I really have no advice....I just hope that he realizes how selfish he is being and how he's hurt you.

[VinniesMommy]

Sorry this is such a rough time. If you don't mind me asking, why is he so against it? DH was against my second pregnancy... to be fair, I found out I was pregnant 2 months or so after having Vinnie, but still. He tried to tell me to get rid of it too. I told him there was no chance in *heck* that would ever happen, and that was final. He huffed and puffed for most of the pregnancy, but I didn't really care. BUT when CeJay was born, it was a scary moment, and he was the first one to leave me in the OR to be in the NICU with his new son. And now he couldn't imagine life with out him (nor could I!) so maybe your DH just has to come around a little?? Hope things get better for you

[brieanniepannie]

I am so sorry! *hugs* if you need to chat I'm here.
I really hope he calms down and comes home with a cool head.
It takes two to tango, ya know? Hopefully he will come around sooner than later.

[purelegance]

well he shocked me, he actually came home about 30 minutes ago. he's not being normal, but he's not being a brown eye either. he actually said a friendly neutral sentence. nothing spectacular, but normally i get the silent treatment for days on end when he's mad. if we don't have another conversation by tuesday, i have a letter written for him.

wednesday, i'm going to start sharing the news. (giving it a few more days mainly because i'm waiting for toys r us to get more sizes in the big sister shirts lol)

[wanttobemommy]

Im so sorry. I totally understand everything your going through. My DH would never DREAM about asking me to terminate a pregnancy but my ex did. We were dating he said he wanted a baby we tried for awhile then I realized how young I was and how incredibly stupid I was being. Well just as I got to my senses I got pregnant. Then the BF decided he didnt want to be a daddy. Long story short I refused his options and he got over it.

I hope that your dh will get over it soon. I understand taking the time to consider something like this. I am prochoice but could never ever do it either. BUT when your DH the man you love and have known says he thinks its best you think in the back of your head that there is a reason to why he feels this way. I respect you very much for what you are going through. Hopefully its just a dumb guy thing and he will get over it soon. If it were my DH I would remind him that I wasnt the only one laying in the bed.

[wanna be a young mother]

To be honest I think what he said and how he's acting is perfectly normal for a husband in this type of situation. Men dont think or process things they way women do. They also dont have that sense of bonding to the baby right away like we do. He is freaking out and the only option he sees is to abort. Everything with men is black and white. Women see the gray in the middle. So he sees abortion as the only option were you see that even though this is a bad time it is still a blessing. You can see past now to the future but men are stuck in the now. Your best option would be to sit him down as ask him what he's afraid of? Is it money? Hospital cost? Being a father again?

He has a fear that he's not telling you about and the only option he sees to lose his fear is to abort. I'm sure if you sit down and talk through this and help him see PAST the fear to the joy he'll be better able to except the pregnancy. I'm also sure he just needs time to adjust but I would trying talking to him about his fears and then figuring out a solution together. Fear makes us do and say crazy things. His first response might have been to abort but it doesn't mean deep down inside that is what he really wants. Talk to him and give him time. I'm sure he will come around. Sending you

On a side note: I am also prochoice and I know I could never abort a baby. I know my Dh feels the same way but if he was afraid or worried I'm sure he would voice the option and as much as it would hurt I can understand that he is speaking out of concern/fear and not true anger at me or the baby.

[mollymae]

I'm pro choice but I could never do it myself either.

Somewhere on families there's a link to a site that has pictures of babies abort during the first trimester. They are horrible and it's very sad. Show him those and say you can't do that to your baby. He's a man he's probably thinking of it as abunch of cells atm. Make it real for him and I bet he'll come round.

[angelstarsmum]

Originally Posted by mollymae

I'm pro choice but I could never do it myself either.

Somewhere on families there's a link to a site that has pictures of babies abort during the first trimester. They are horrible and it's very sad. Show him those and say you can't do that to your baby. He's a man he's probably thinking of it as abunch of cells atm. Make it real for him and I bet he'll come round.

totally agree, it you that would go through this and live with it for the rest of your life and he can carry on as normal really no hospital stay for him right!
I really hope you both work this out hun,

[angelic_ky]