[erinellakal]

I am just fed up with my husband planning stuff with out us. All summer I have been trying to be understanding and let him have fun with going to Brewer Games and going golfing with his buddies. But I have had it!
Whenever I want to do something he already has plans or "its too expensive"(like brewer games and golf isn't expensive!?)
He have 2 girls and a little boy on the way and it just seems to be getting worse and worse.
He also told me he will be playing poker with "the guys" on Thursdays this winter! I told him i will need more help this winter with the baby and the girls. But he just doesn't get it.
What makes me mad too is that i am a SAHM and i babysit. So i am alone(with kids) all day everyday and all i want is to have some time to myself or with him when he is home.
Erin(4) said something to the effect that "daddy is never home" and it breaks my heart to hear her say that!
He has off of work tomorrow. So i said good you can hang out with the girls while i got to my OB check up.....well no cuz he already has plans to go GOLFING!

What can i do with out starting an all out fight to make him understand that he needs to spend more time with us.....oh time with us with out a baseball or football game or golf on the TV?

[Alejandros Mommy]

First thing I would do is make a budget for every single expense. Then go through it with your Dh. He needs to understand where the money is going to. Then make sure you know what money you have left over....create a savings account any put 1/2 or so in it...Do not get debit cards for this account. Just leave it as a 'what if' account. The rest of the $ you and Dh need to split up in cash. He needs to know that this is the only money that he is getting each month and he needs to make the most of it.

on to the kids....I would make a date with each of your children each month....leave the other child with your Dh. He needs to Step up. Just 'because' you are a SAHM does not mean you don't work! You work just as hard as him and are entitiled to your days off as well. Do you have any girl friends around? I would schedule a girls night out. A Calender comes in handy. Place the days you will be going out and the days your Dh will be going out on it.
You also need a "family" day. Plan ahead. Even if its once a week....schedule it when you know your Dh will be home. Put it on the calender and make sure he knows when it is. This is a family night and he must be there...if you give him enough notice he should be. No hanging out with the boys at the last minute...his family should come first.

I would also seek couciling....esp before you next child is born...if he's not part of your family now he still won't be when this baby is born. I really hope that he realizes that he has a lovely family and that he is missing out of the best time of your childrens lives. HugZ to you..and good luck

[QueenAngie]

Congrats on #3! How exciting.

What a shame this man is missing out in the important parts of his family life with his two young daughters, and you, his lovely wife!

I am not certain of your DH's age, but I sense that he is being very immature.

As Lessly stated above, time for a long one-on-one talk for the two of you. Honestly, I'd suggest counseling too.

We have a statement in our extended family that speaks volumes.
I'll share it.

Daddies and Mommies do not 'babysit their own children;'
they parent their own children.

DH needs to step-up and start being a parent, instead of a babysitter.

If you don't work at this soon, then you'll have 1 adult 'child' and 3 babies to care for yourself.

(((Hugs)))

[mcmama]

Golf is expensive. And it is one of those activities that must be scheduled. But that doesn't mean that he just does it and wham, you will pick up the slack. Supporting you in the ob appointments is pretty important.

Now that you are a family, there is a balancing act going on. He has to be part of the team. It isn't just he works and looks after his life and you do the rest. Partnerships require communication. Daily.

I think you need counseling too. With two children already, he is not going to be able to go to Brewer games and play golf when you are recovering from labor and delivery, and making the new adjustments with the baby.

Forget the Brewers (temporarily). He needs to be part of team family. That's the home team.

I love guys who are sports oriented, because they really can share so much of this with their kids. It's great bonding, and when they actually DO stuff it is great exercise and healthy lifestyle. But it has to be done as part of the home team.

[quagmire8]

the previous ladies have made some good points. i like the idea of a calender that you can keep track of time for you to have for yourself, for DH to have for himself, and time to have together. you deserve your time just as much as he deserves his! it sounds like things arent equal! congrats on your little one on the way!

[erinellakal]

Thanks to everyone who posted.
We had a big talk. And i think i finally got my point across. He ended up not golfing and stayed home with the girls when i went to my OB appt. mostly cuz I said "you're staying home!!!!!!!!" But he didn't complain or anything. I know he has fun with the kids, how can you not?!
I have planned a couple of things as a family and for just he and I. My birthday is next week so I am meeting him after work for dinner. We are going to a fall fest as a family this weekend. So i am hoping that if we just get into the habit of doing stuff together it won't end in a fight again. We used to go on a date night once a month, we just fell out of the habit.

[MiaCamille]

Good for you, i hope he understood and that he appreciate was he's got and that the takes care of your little ones and you of course!!

[Alejandros Mommy]

Glad to hear you both listened to each other and are working on it. Let us know how your date goes

[QueenAngie]

Thank you for the update!

Things are going in the right direction. We're proud of you for talking to DH and getting things to turn the corner.

Prayers for you & your family!