[maryavan]

Just yesterday we found out definitely that my current pregnancy isn't viable. I've been spotting lightly for 12 days. It is very early in the pregnancy. I'm choosing to expel at home. It could start anytime or take a week or more to start. Last m/c, I had spotting and contractions just a few hours before the nasty stuff settled in for over a week.

Here's an extra lil problem I have to deal w/---like m/c #4 in 16 months isn't fun enough on its own. DH's SIL's mom and stepdad had a lot of damage to their cabin in KY last week in the storms. Dh offered to help last weekend, since I was only spotting lightly and we didn't know for sure m/c. I felt confident that I'd be fine last weekend.

BIL calls tonight asking if dh would go down this weekend--2 overnights over 6 hrs away. Dh would have to drive w/ them. Dh didn't even mention that he needed to talk w/ me--just his boss, George to get off work Fri early. He didn't even consider that I wouldn't want to m/c alone while having to take care of our 7 yo alone????? BIL and SIL don't know about the pregnancy or m/c, only my inlaws.

I could be starting the m/c anytime. Mild cramps finally started today. Inlaws are leaving town early Sat. I don't want to turn to my mom (some mental issues there). So I wouldn't have anyone to help besides my mom, who I don't want here right now. I'm worried what if something goes wrong like w/ my bleeding or if it is ectopic (not ruled out yet) while I'm alone. Not to mention just trying to take care of our kid alone when I'm feeling absolutely horrid.

DH was acting like I'm being selfish for not wanting to possibly go through the m/c alone. It isn't like it was just a couple hours away. Its 6 hrs away! I could be the same as now when he leaves. Then a few hours later it could start and I'd be here alone w/ ds.

Maybe I am being overly cautious. W/ hormones and disappointment, I wouldn't be surprised. With the 2 m/c I've done at home, I haven't had complications. After the one d&c, I did have a scary "bleeding way too much" episode after having to exert myself unexpectedly (sump pump emergency). I was 1/2 hr from going to the ER. Does anyone know if this statistic is close? It seems like dr and past reading I did last Dec said @ 10-20% of people trying to expel at home ended up seeking help at ER.

Any thoughts?? I'll feel bad if he stays and I just stay spotting lightly. But I might be resentful for quite awhile if I'm alone and have the m/c.

[QueenAngie]

Maryavan, I am really sorry that you are going through the m/c right now.

It hurts not only physically, but emotionally.

Wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better, my dear.

Instead, am sending you a big warm hug ((((Hug))))
and a cup of hot tea.

While I cannot be there with you personally, just know
that friends online really care.

(((Hugs)))

[MommyDee]

To be quite honest, your DH shouldn't even be thinking about leaving you alone. I'm sorry, JMHO. Whether you've expelled others without problems or not, the chance is always there that you could have trouble. At the very least, you should be taking it easy -- and that doesn't include the myriad of things that could arise while trying to look after a 7yo. Your DH's first priority right now should be you and your son.

[mommy2067]

Originally Posted by MommyDee

To be quite honest, your DH shouldn't even be thinking about leaving you alone. I'm sorry, JMHO. Whether you've expelled others without problems or not, the chance is always there that you could have trouble. At the very least, you should be taking it easy -- and that doesn't include the myriad of things that could arise while trying to look after a 7yo. Your DH's first priority right now should be you and your son.

Well said Dee and I agree totally...Maryavan my heart goes out to you and I am sooo sorry you have to go through this again... ((((((HUGS))))) Like you say maybe he will stay and nothing much will happen over the w/e...but that doesn't matter..he needs to be there for you in any case...You should be able to rest and look after you as much as possible and DH should be there to help take care of you and your DS...My 2 cents...Thinking about you...and we are here for you too!!!

[shellyhudson]

I am so sorry for your losses. I am not trying to make excuses for your husband, but men process things and grieve much differently than women. Personally, I think that I would feel exactly the same way that you do in this circumstance. I hope that all works out for you and that you are able to get through this without complications.

Shelly

[twinzplus3]

Your husband needs to be there. I've lost a few fetuses and only with one did I hemorrage severely and need to go to the hospital. It happens.

[poliscmjr]

When I had my m/c I ended having a d&c, and dh was by my side the entire time. I tried to give him his space but he was not having it. It was a good thing too, because I ended up going back into the hospital for a 2nd d&c.
Back on point. I think dh should be with you and ds. This way you don't have to worry about ds and if you want to lay down you can. You two should be together to help each other through this.

(((((hugs)))))

[2girls]

I am sorry you are having to go through this right now.
Could it be that DH would just rather "run away" and hope that it's all over when he gets back? Maybe that is the "easy" way out for him?
I honestly think that DH needs to be there for you, not only physcially, but emotionally as well. My m/c turned into and emergency D&C in the middle of the night, I started hemoraging.
I don't want to think the worst, but I want you to be prepared if something does happen.

We are here for you.

[hennypenny]

I think it's important that you let him know what you would prefer him to do. Otherwise it turns into a, 'he should just KNOW' area, which is not good for either of you. Then you can hear each other out, and take it from there. I am very, very sorry for your loss.

[quagmire8]

i agree with everybody else, it is probably not a good idea for DH leaves for the weekend for safety reasons, not to mention that you are/will be going through a difficult time emotionally and it would be nice to have some support. (((((hugs)))))