[beth]

Having a narcissistic parent, especially a mother, can be a devastating experience for a child and that same child who then goes on to become an adult. Several readers have commented on my series of articles on narcisisstic mothers. You can find the article and other related articles on narcissistic personality disorder here

[vanaden]

Are you still out there somewhere???

[twinzplus3]

Beth is a blogger here. If you click the link in her post, it will take you directly to some blogs on this very topic that she has written. If you click on the mental health link in her siggy. . .that will take you directly to all the mental health blogs she's written. ETA: Yes, she's still here and checks in regularly.

[beth]

Yes, I am still here!

[Alejandros Mommy]

BTW beth the link for on-line counseling is not working

[beth]

Originally Posted by Aiden&Alejandros Mommy

BTW beth the link for on-line counseling is not working

Thanks, Lessly! I just checked it and the server is temporarily down.
Beth

[beth]

My server is back and better than ever! You can contact me at http://youronlinecouselor.com for assistance with dealing with narcissistic parents.
Best wishes, Beth

Originally Posted by beth

Thanks, Lessly! I just checked it and the server is temporarily down.
Beth

[Opendoor]

I am trying to sort out what has gone on in our family over past twenty years. I thought my daughter who is adopted and age 26 was a narcissist. I don't know any more wether it is her or me. But I am tryin to sort out who was manipulating who and it is driving me mad! If I am right she was a disturbed child who had built in survival mechanisms age 5 to manipulate adults around her and to put up a false front. She rarely showed emotion and learned I think to fake a lot. I did not see at the time and was busy raising the four of them. She got a lot of my time and attention as she was on surface sociable and responsive. Just not overly affectionate. I thought this was due to trauma before she was adopted and did not push her. She seemed to want to be left alone to get on with it. Things changed in teen years she became very manipulative and secretive. She changed personality completely from being top of class to bunking off school every day. I had postnatal illness and two other kids born. She moved out of home age 16 after massive rows etc. I basically told her to get out and we have not been close since. I think she hates me as she won't talk to me but does to others. I know she is hurting and she chooses to spread both truths and lies about our life together and she does this very carefully and where she thinks it will do the most damage. I don't know how to deal with this indirect manipulation. She very occasionally texts me to meet for coffee but I have declined the last two times as Ifeel these meetings never go anywhere and are just fishing expeditions on her part to find out more was she can hurt me. Sorry for long post but I am vry worried about her and my mental health. I am single mum with no living close family to help. Do I just leave it and wait for her to grow emotionally? I am actually scared of her she is a very clever young lady but emotionally cold.

[beth]

Originally Posted by Opendoor

I am trying to sort out what has gone on in our family over past twenty years. I thought my daughter who is adopted and age 26 was a narcissist. I don't know any more wether it is her or me. But I am tryin to sort out who was manipulating who and it is driving me mad! If I am right she was a disturbed child who had built in survival mechanisms age 5 to manipulate adults around her and to put up a false front. She rarely showed emotion and learned I think to fake a lot. I did not see at the time and was busy raising the four of them. She got a lot of my time and attention as she was on surface sociable and responsive. Just not overly affectionate. I thought this was due to trauma before she was adopted and did not push her. She seemed to want to be left alone to get on with it. Things changed in teen years she became very manipulative and secretive. She changed personality completely from being top of class to bunking off school every day. I had postnatal illness and two other kids born. She moved out of home age 16 after massive rows etc. I basically told her to get out and we have not been close since. I think she hates me as she won't talk to me but does to others. I know she is hurting and she chooses to spread both truths and lies about our life together and she does this very carefully and where she thinks it will do the most damage. I don't know how to deal with this indirect manipulation. She very occasionally texts me to meet for coffee but I have declined the last two times as Ifeel these meetings never go anywhere and are just fishing expeditions on her part to find out more was she can hurt me. Sorry for long post but I am vry worried about her and my mental health. I am single mum with no living close family to help. Do I just leave it and wait for her to grow emotionally? I am actually scared of her she is a very clever young lady but emotionally cold.

Hi Opendoor, there could be any number of factors influencing your daughter's behavior but if you are questioning whether you yourself could be a narcissist, then the answer is a definite "no!" Sufferers of narcissitic personality disorder do not have such reflective insight. If you are scared of your daughter and what she is capable of in terms of spreading lie about you, it would be good if you could set some firm boundaries regarding your personal interaction with her to protect yourself. If you feel you need additional help in this situation, you can contact me at the link below. Best wishes, Beth

[Opendoor]

Originally Posted by beth

Hi Opendoor, there could be any number of factors influencing your daughter's behavior but if you are questioning whether you yourself could be a narcissist, then the answer is a definite "no!" Sufferers of narcissitic personality disorder do not have such reflective insight. If you are scared of your daughter and what she is capable of in terms of spreading lie about you, it would be good if you could set some firm boundaries regarding your personal interaction with her to protect yourself. If you feel you need additional help in this situation, you can contact me at the link below. Best wishes, Beth

Any advice is useful to me so thankyou Beth. I feel I am learning so much about psychology lately. My head is in a bit of a whirl. And I am truly questioning my actions and my daughters. Trouble is of course I am at a different juncture than her in my life where I want to be honest and open. The best advice given to me was to be calm and curious about anything that happens. I do believe she is a narcissist and my concern is that I helped to make her that way. I would offer advice to anyone thinking of adoption to think of the trauma the child may have gone through prior to coming to you and whether you have the family support and self knowledge to help them. Looking back we did not. We thought loving the child would be enough. I am not giving up on her as I think I am one of the few who understand how troubled she is but I am starting to protect myself I used to talk freely with her.... now I am guarded and I will find out as much about narcissism as possible so if one day she accepts my help I am aware and informed.