[doingdistance]

Hello! I guess I am looking for advice, stories of people in a similar situation or anything to be uplifting.

I am married to a beautiful Japanese wife who lives overseas from me. We initially embarked on this distance-thing with plans for her to relocate to Canada with me. I came first and secured my old job....but she got a promotion and a raise and soon liked Japan more than Canada. On a vacation to Japan to visit her in november, we got pregnant and she's now expecting Aug 23rd. It's an exciting time for us....
But I am running into big troubles with:
getting her to come to canada for giving birth
being a part of things..my career in Canada is secure, but if I returned to Japan to support her/baby I'd be really taking a step back fro us all
Her emotions are rollercoastering more than I read about and I have a terrible time trying to communicate important things with her. Distance is part of it...what could I do differently??
This is supposed to be the happiest development in my life, but often it's feeling like a nightmare as I can't get any real good advice from anyone I know...our situation is so unique. Should she have the baby in Japan or canada? Should I bail on my career now and risk not supporting them later.....??
Just an understanding guy looking for ideas on how to get through to my wife and get her to come over here. Anyone out there ever coped in this way???
sincerely,
doingdistance, Alberta, Canada

[JeanLynn81]

Yikes! You certainly do have alot to think about. But do keep in mind that jobs come and go, but FAMILY is forever. You're not going to believe how completely head-over-heels in love you are going to be when the baby is born!

[Samual]

Do you speak Japanese? If not how are you going to get a job that will pay a mortgage, bills and food for three people? If there is not a language barrier things would be so much easier. It isn't a case of whether she should move or you should move, it's a case of what you agree on and what is best for both of you. Is there a branch of your company in Japan near her? Or is there a branch of her company somewhere in Canada so she can work while you look after your child?

[doingdistance]

Hey Samual. Yes I speak Japanese, enough to get by in life, but work wise I am limited to English teaching. I can work enough to support us 3, but it's limited work with no advancement. My situation is that I live in canada and have a career with better potential, but a scary situation for my wife to come over at this point in her life. she feels she's sacrificing a great deal, but my career pays and probably would go farther than hers. What's the best situation? Not sure, but ideally I hope for her to come to me. Unfortunately the branch idea didn't work either way, just one of us needs to bail on our jobs....so...I'm tossing up leaving my job in favour of making her come to me. Financially she should be here but...I might need to make a drastic switch.
More feedback is welcome, if you have it.

Originally Posted by Samual

Do you speak Japanese? If not how are you going to get a job that will pay a mortgage, bills and food for three people? If there is not a language barrier things would be so much easier. It isn't a case of whether she should move or you should move, it's a case of what you agree on and what is best for both of you. Is there a branch of your company in Japan near her? Or is there a branch of her company somewhere in Canada so she can work while you look after your child?

[Alejandros Mommy]

Hello and Welcome fellow canauk and fellow Albertan

I am heading out the door..but I saw your post.

Have you checked with immigration canada or their site? It would be better if your child where born here, as the baby will then be considered canadian by birth. Yo may be able to get your wife here on a visitors visa....and then once the baby is born it may be easier to get her full status as you are canadian and so is the baby.

I will look some stuff up For you when I get back from the city. Take care.