[coldfeet]

I'm 27 and am supposed to meet my biological father in 7 weeks. Plus his whole family. They're all really excited, I am not, I'm up for a coffee and then just want to say ciao! He is flying accross the atlantic, he says its an excuse to visit this part of the world and that I'm not the only reason he's coming. He is going to be here for a week and he and his family want to hang out as much as possible. I want to meet them but not really. I found out that my dad was not my bio father when I was 18. I got in touch with my bio dad when I was 20 but didn't really want to know his thoughts, it was too much at the time. Now he doesn't seem to want to talk about the stuff I want to know like why wasn't he part of my life. I feel like I'm going to have to pretend this is a big party or something. I'd rather not pretend. I've got all these feelings about this stuff. Anger sadness joy you name it towards my mom for not telling me and not really ever encouraging me to meet him, towards him for not trying very hard, towards my dad who I am totally cut off from at the moment. This is all really hard for me and I don't think they get it. His daughters even want to stay at my place, they hinted gently by email and I haven't responded so he asked why and told me straight they just want a place to stay. Hello? They sound really nice but a little to happy go lucky compared to me.
Thanks for reading and for any thoughts.